Trusting ourselves vs trusting the org (page 2)

Siddhashunyata

The time was It1989. I was bringing home shopping bags full of books and reading on every conceivable subject. It was Ralph Waldo Emerson that led the way for me. Being college educated and having put my intellect on hold for over 20 years, a torrent burst forth and my appetite for understanding was insatiable. The books piled up, I set up a 2000 volume library in my attic and continued studying ....everything. My wife was quietly furious and frightened. I was capable of doing all the outward WT things and still read , read ,read and think , think, think. She was confused and ultimatly she saw me as a clever apostate and a threat to her spirituality. None of it was true , I simply had grown spiritually and was able to handle the fundamentalist mindset with understanding. My support and cooperation were not enough. She wanted my soul. Ultimatly she left and continues to this day as a pioneer. The point is that, yes there is a an incredible need for information and understanding when we finaly begin trusting ourselves.

Sassy

It was a revelation to me that the WTS does change information to a great extent without telling its members. I didn't learn this until after I left it. I did understand, as Lady Lee pointed out, that they would change minor things but when I realized that they were really attempting to change information when they made doctrinal changes. That upset me. It helped me realize I had made the right choice in leaving, even though it was after my choice, did I learn this.

acsot

Thanks Lee for those ramblings. I too find that I devour everything in sight. And am starting to use a critical eye when reading. Although I always did read when in the borg, I restricted myself to the classic literature of Dickens, Tolstoy, etc. Now it's (like Cypher) CoC, Buddhism, philosophy, etc. There's so much time to make up, don't know if I'll ever get there, wherever "there" is.

Momofmany

I was reading how people fresh out of the borg have this insatiable need for information and read everything they can

My sister and I were talking about the same thing the other week. She asked me if I found enough information yet. She stopped listening to the WTS a long time ago. She keeps asking me if I am done digging yet. I keep on telling her not yet.Since September when I started on my research, I have read so much, learned so much, and am reading and devouring everything I can. Remember those old school house rock cartoons. "Knowledge is Power."

Lady Lee

Hi talesin

yup food for a starving person - information - so much for their spiritual feasts - we all starved on them

Still looking for an orthotic that will help the problem. The meds are helping me sleep and I'm not in pain all the time now. But still can't be on my feet for more than 10 minutes at a time. Other than that I am great.

SS One little book I picked up early on was called "Women's Intuition" I devoured the book in 2 hours and went out and bought 20 more and gave them to all my clients. Some of us are taught early on to ignore that little voice of sanity inside of us. Others learn it later on. But recovery means getting in touch with it again. I agree with you that we have to take in as much info as we can. Then we get to let it sit in there and stew for a while before we decide what to keep and what to toss.

Lady Lee

Sidd Too bad for her she didn't read some of those 2000 books. - but then maybe not

I was up to 1200 and moved across country and had to dump half of them - oh the sadness at leaving my books.

Sassy thanks for the confirmation that we weren't told of those major changes. Sad thing when we couldn't even trust what we had read and studied because some folks at the top were changing things on us.

Lady Lee

acsot My level of reading while in the borg was at the level of the TV Guide, cookbooks and craft books and (groan) harlequin romances - well the gothic ones. Mindless stuff because nothing else would have been allowed in our home. When I started therapy my therapist gave me 5 books on abuse. I read them all in a week.

"There" is where ever we need to be

Momofmany As far as I am concerned it will never be enough. I certainly don't read everything that comes my way. I am more selective now. And I think I collect more now than actually pore over them - pick what works for me at the time and leave the rest. I seem to be going back to some book for a reread now. I think some things I wasn't ready for then but need now.

I always found it fascinating too that when I brought a book home I always found something of profound interest to me - that I really needed.

ESTEE

I would walk away from these searches with my confidence in my ability to think clearly and recall things clearly severely undermined. Believing that the problem was mine I was left with the option of believing that the organization was better able than I was to "help" me understand God.

Lady Lee ... I thought quite a lot about our conversation yesterday ... throughout the rest of the day. Especially since I never knew that the wts was editing its previously printed articles. I trusted that borg.

I now recognize myself in the above quotation. I came to realize that this just is another way they controlled us ... by manipulating information so that we would further doubt ourselves and distrust ourselves ... and give further mind control over to the wts. How insidious! And to think I trusted that borg with my life!

I am relieved that I have escaped that sicko cult. I am very thankful for the years of de-programming I have undertaken for myself and my personal progress and growth as a person. It is a gift that I am continuing to give myself. I will continue to take courses to de-program myself and give myself the opportunity to live a normal healthy and happy life ... cult free!!!!!!!!!!

A normal healthy and happy life is something we each deserve!!!

ESTEE

avengers

I trusted that they would not misuse the trust I had been persuaded to give them.

"Abuse" is a better word.

Do you think they will compensate those who missed out on their pension, house and home, education, good jobs, to name a few?

Hell NO. It's all our own fault.

Enough of this mental abuse.

Away with the WT.

Andy

Lady Lee

Hi Estee It is always interesting how little tidbits of information come out when we talk about these things - a new way of seeing things - another link in the chain to freedom. Although I have known about the editing for a while now the self-doubt that resulted from it was my link in the chain.

avengers I actually typed abuse and then changed it. Wouldn't want anyone to accuse me of seeing abuse everywhere

Trusting ourselves vs trusting the org

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