That's wonderful Mom.
While you two are talking about it you might get somewhere. I doubt that I have any chance of that happening for a very long time.
Witness parents?
by happysunshine 26 Replies latest social family
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razorMind
I really don't care about them any more. I figure that if they can turn their backs on me for me making myself happy for once in my life, i can go through my own life with no regrets about not associating with them. It was not my choice for them to turn on me my conscience is clear.
yes--THIS HITS THE NAIL ON THE HEAD--TOTALLY AGREE
Most outsiders don't understand this view at all--but then, again, they couldn't possibly grasp what life is like in Dubdom.
My folks are straight-no-chaser, dyed-in-the-wool, hardcore JW's. They don't know my complete opinion about the WT, but have an idea since they've seen our Christmas tree blazing in our house.
I, too, tread lightly with my (very few) conversations with them. I know it bothers them that I hardly ever call, write, or visit--but then again they hardly make the effort either. The problem with the JW members of my immediate family is that they seem to be imploding from the inside. I am just about positive that my mother and youngest sister are severely depressed. They both need medical attention but my mother wouldn't dream of doing that (plus the decision is up to my dad) and my sister has too little money (result of working pittance jobs w/no health insurance) and little motivation to seek help.
The individual relationships among them have broken down and just deteriorate over time (my dad seems to wreak more and more iron control over my mom over the years; my mom's nerves are getting worse and worse as a result, to an alarming degree; in turn she treats my youngest sister like shit---she criticizes her appearance, shoots down her every utterance, gives her the silent treatment whenever my sister looks particularly bad on a given day; my sister in turn suffers bouts of depression after spending time with my mom)
I have adopted a pretty callous attitude about the whole matter.....then I find myself crying whenever I listen now to songs we grew up listening to as kids, and I have horrible dreams about my mother in which I'm always either killing her or causing her serious physical harm.
Now you see why I get sick of co-workers asking, "So when's the last time you went home? Are you going home for the holidays?"
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ChimChim
My mother is no longer a witness I live with her but my father is still in it along with alot more people in my family. And I dont reammy deal with him that well. when i go to his house I stay with my sister most of the time like i am now... and when he gets mad at her i give hm a dirty look and ignore him( so i think he gets the picture) bue yeah it ruined my life and still is.
C.C
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kitties_and_horses_oh_my!
My parents and I had our "goodbye" conversation a few weeks ago. My dad said if I ever needed a "refuge" they would be there for me, even if I was df'd, but that was all our relationship could be. Basically, if II want to leave my "controlling" husband I can come home to them and they'll save me. Sorry, no thanks. I miss them sometimes. Maybe I miss the idea of good parents more than really missing them. When the doc and I went to LOTR last week I was bawling watching Theodon and his daughter and the loving relationship they had. I think what I really grieve is the life I wish I could have had, but there's really no point in that. I have a great life now and one day the doc and I will have kids and I'll have another chance at the mother-daughter relationship. I will always miss my dad I think... but in the end it's healthier for me not to be around them anyway as they just push my buttons and I fall into every manipulative guilt trip and trap they (perhaps unknowingly?) set.
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kitties_and_horses_oh_my!
Oops, I mean Theodon and his niece. Anyway, same point.
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Aztec
Kitties, don't let Doc control you!
After reading the posts here I feel I'm very fortunate. My mother is pretty weak in the dubs. She doesn't make every meeting. She likes punk music. She's interested in politics. I encourage her in these areas quite a bit. My father is much stronger in "the truth" but he's realized that he's getting nowhere with my sisters and I so he's backed off quite a bit with the rhetoric. He mostly tries to bond with us by asking how our cars are running. As much as my parents frustrate me sometimes, I love them and they love me back. Even though I'm inactive and they could push for me to be disfellowshipped, they haven't. They know I celebrate holidays and vote and all kinds of things but they just avoid talking about that with me.
I guess the only words of encouragement I can send to people here is give it time. It may improve. As the only one of his children who got baptised my father used to needle me endlessly but, he's mellowed with time. I've been out 11 years so it's taken a while but, our relationship has improved. He's finally realizing that pushing me only leads to me pushing back.
~Aztec
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happysunshine
Thank you.