I flipped out on my JW mum - (Vent)

by Sirona 17 Replies latest social family

• 

  Sirona

  I feel ashamed of how I spoke to her - here is what happened:

  Leading up to Christmas she emphasised more than once how I shouldn't be celebrating. She knows I'm part of a pagan religion now and she made comments about me being a "pagan celebrator" and she wasn't being nice about it. What annoys me is that she practically celebrated it herself because my step dad is not JW - so she made him Xmas dinner and invited us - everything except the decorations. She did new years aswell, inviting family for a party but of course on the premise that that is what my step dad wants (didn't stop her getting out the wine and having a right old time).

  So when I mentioned at Christmas that there was something that upset me, I got the standard response that I should come back to the fold and then my problems will be solved. I was just so angry - the answer to everything is "come back to the fold", "you are spiritually weak" blah blah......I just flipped out. I was more forceful and angry than I've ever been with her, I've always tried to keep my temper for fear of truly upsetting her. Basically it went like this:

  Mum "I pray every day that you'll come back to the fold"

  Me: "Why would I want to return to a cult? That is what it is - a cult. There are so many religions out there who are just as spiritually strong, just because they're not JW doesn't mean they're weak, and they know a hell of a lot about the bible aswell"

  Mum: "it is not a cult - every religion controls people, just look at the catholics"

  Me: "Where in the bible does it say you must not celebrate Christmas? Where does it say you can't do yoga? Where does it say you can't say "cheers" or "happy new year"? Those are rules made by the men in New York - the Watchtower"

  Mum: "We all decide on our own conscience what to do"

  Me: "OK then, why don't you decide on your conscience to put up a christmas tree and see how quickly the elders disfellowship you"

  Mum: "I don't want to celebrate christmas, its pagan"

  Me: "and THEY tell you that anything remotely pagan is wrong, and if you're going to talk about Jesus, he spoke of LOVE not RULES"

  Mum: "we need some rules or there would be anarchy"

  Me: "yes, within reason. The trouble is, the Watchtower make rules, then change them willy nilly. They say you can't have an organ transplant, then they say you can. These things affect peoples lives! I know people whose family don't speak to them anymore because of the JW disfellowshipping rule. That hurts people very deeply, don't you realise?"

  Mum: "Only some people shun their family, most don't, and I don't shun you do I? Your uncle didn't shun his son when he was disfellowshipped....."

  Anyway, the conversation went from bad to worse - her telling me I was too angry and that she was feeling oh so calm. So self righteous - I suppose the inference was that Jehovah was making her calm and Satan was making me angry. I shouted too much, I was just so damned TIRED of listening to the JW bullshit and judgements.

  I think she walked away feeling triumphant that she'd stood her ground, and thinking that she was right all along, those apostates are ruled by the Devil.....

  Argh.

  Sirona
• 

  RAYZORBLADE

  Sirona: I can understand your frustration.

  But I think, from what I can see that you've posted, whatever you said to Mom, she responded to.

  OK: she's a JW, and she's going to come back with the predictable JW responses.

  But.....everytime you said something, she obviously heard what you said, and well.....she got to a point where she could not refute anything any longer.

  Even though it is horribly frustrating, your questioning and drilling her of "WTS" items, it has to have some (if not minutely) effect upon her.

  Be patient honey, despite this frustrating time, I have a feeling, albeit small, she has heard what you've said and she's got to be somehow affected by it.

  Repetition leads to retention.

  Sirona: you done good. You love Mom, this is obvious. But she has not shed the blinders given to her by the WTS.

  It's not easy to say 'be patient', but I will say this: 'there's always hope'.

  Saying nothing, remaining silent, and not challenging her on her beliefs etc., would be worse, in fact, it could very well condone her behaviour (Beliefs).

  You did your best, and you acted out of love.

  Let's hope things change for the better, in the near future.

  Best wishes Sirona.

  Rayzorblade
• 

  ozziepost

  Let's hope things change for the better, in the near future.

  We sure do, Sirona.

  I think the best thing you can do to help your mother is show her how much better your life is without the borg. Show her that being in the borg would be a backward step. Show her you're happy with your decision.

  Anyhow, all the best to you.

  Cheers, Ozzie
• 

  Satans little helper

  Sirona, I feel for you.

  I had a similar conversation with my father 12 months ago when he told me that it 'troubled his conscience' to come to my wedding. I was getting married FFS which should have made him happy as I was no longer living in sin, but it wouldn't have looked too good in the congregation would it with him being an elder. My last words to him were to tell him I thought he was a sanctimonious cnut.

  Thing is that now I'm married and I'm planning a family. My kids will never get to know their grandfather because he's too hard headed to bend even a little. Admittedly I'm just as stubborn and won't have anything to do with him, and wouldn't piss on him if he was on fire.

  The only thing I would say is that if you can rebuild your relationship with your mum and not resort to conflict then in time she may see through the witnesses. If you cut yourself off from her then she will run into their arms even further as she will see the JW's as her only family she has left.

  Good luck

  Steve
• 

  frenchbabyface

  I think she walked away feeling triumphant that she'd stood her ground, and thinking that she was right all along, those apostates are ruled by the Devil.....

  Argh.

  Sirona

  I understand !!! ...

  but you know they are not right so ...
  she may have to realised it one day (chance if it is not too late)
• 

  Maverick

  Razon put it so well! With duds being passive and nonconfrontational is seen as agreement. You do not agree, you just can't! She will tread lightly next time. Stand your ground with her. The duds are bullies, they learn that from their masters. Do not be bullied. You are an adult, she needs to see you as such. There must be respect, both ways. Would she be condescending to any other non-family adult? By not saying anything all this time you were telling her her behavior was OK with you. Now you are telling her it is not!

  Do what I do when I'm in a emotional state, spend money!..Shop! Maverick
• 

  Sassy

  If I spoke with my mother on such terms, I would get that and more back. I'm not even disfellowshippped but I am getting the quiet treatment because I admitted I stopped my JW activities to her. Now I am of the world and she is only sad and feels she has lost me.

  I think you were honest with your mother and I respect that. Its sad when our loved ones are stuck blindsided and it affects our relationships with them...
• 

  blondie

  Sirona, I just wonder if your mother is open with the elders and other JWs about her association with you?

  Blondie
• 

  Sirona

  Rayzor

  Sirona: you done good. You love Mom, this is obvious. But she has not shed the blinders given to her by the WTS.

  It's not easy to say 'be patient', but I will say this: 'there's always hope'.

  Thanks, that is so nice of you. I'm glad I said what I said, I suppose I just wish I was calmer about it so that she doesn't focus on my anger but on what I'm actually saying to her. you are sweet tho.

  Steve: You really have gone through so much with your father. I'm lucky that she hasn't shunned me. You are right that I should be really, really careful to keep my relationship with her and not scare her away too much over that stupid cult. Thanks for the advice.

  French, I think that eventually all JWs will realise that the Watchtower had it wrong - when they die and they know that they are conscious beings even in death.... I digress, but I think that eventually they will realise.

  Maverick - shop! yeah, good idea! LOL. The thing is, we all have to face up to our parents somewhere along the way, we're allowed to disagree with them sometimes.

  ((Sassy)) sorry to hear you're having it hard. I'm not DF'd either believe it or not! That is the one reason my brother still talks to me I think.... I'm still shunned by most of the congregation though. Its hard to feel like a failure - thats how they seem to try to make you feel. Just remember that you're the one who did well getting out of a controlling cult.

  Blondie - I don't think she talks about me with the elders. As I say, I'm not DF. They're ignoring me because I'm not going to the KH I think.

  Sirona
• 

  blondie

  Blondie - I don't think she talks about me with the elders. As I say, I'm not DF. They're ignoring me because I'm not going to the KH I think.

  I guess I didn't phrase my question right. I misunderstood too that you weren't DF'd. Many parents I know associate with their DF'd children but conceal it from the elders and other JWs. Since you are not DF'd, then it is kosher to associate with you. I wonder if she would continue to do so if you were DF'd. Officially, the WTS does not sanction shunning of inactive JWs.

  Anyway, flipping out only proves their point, that your Christianity is degrading.

  May love win out, Sirona.