Black Dog Of Depression.

by Englishman 17 Replies latest watchtower medical

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  Englishman

  I used to suffer with depression. It happened to me twice, the second time was far worse than the first. Each episode lasted several years. Only someone who has endured that awful illness can have any idea as to what it's like.

  Winston Churchill suffered with depression. It was so bad at times that he gave it a name. He called it his "Black Dog". This helped him considerably, being able to put a name to something that many of us see as indefinable and yet very threatening.

  I moved away from depression about 10 years ago. Note that I didn't get rid of it. It is there still, a bit like a bottomless pit that I could fall into. However, I have some idea now what was responsible for the depression. It wasn't just one thing that caused it, it was several.

  It was partly guilt that had been imprinted upon me. It was partly genetic, my family have a history of "melancholia" as it used to be called. It was partly stress related, my job exhausted me mentally and this left me feeling worthless.

  I took tablets for a while to ease the symptoms. All that happened was that the "shape" of the depression was altered, it still filled my every fibre. It was horrendous, a mental void of grey nothingness, followed by sensations of pure panic.

  Eventually I realised that some of my symptoms were there because something inside of me was screaming to be listened to and I just wasn't listening. I resolved to listen to those quiet murmurings, not actually do anything, but simply listen.

  Gradually I started to feel better. I started, for the first time in my life, to trust my instincts. One of the most important things that I did was to confront my JW relatives and tell them that I was an OK guy after all, and that I would be just as good as I chose to be, if they weren't happy with that, then that was their problem.

  Then I started to realise how much good company has a bearing on our sense of self-worth, and since then have always made sure that I have an active social life.

  Eventually, it began to fade. I realised I was improving when I went out and bought a novel to read for the first time in ages.

  Once you've had depression, the memory of it's awfulness does remain. I strive to keep that just a memory now. I don't have to go there anymore.

  This is my experience with depression. Maybe 1% of what I have written might just be of use to someone who is battling with the Black Dog.

  Englishman.
• 

  Vivamus

  I am happy you are feeling better now E-man.

  I have never battled depression myself, tho I have battled depressions of others. It leaves me feeling helpless and desperate, not able to do anything against it.

  -

  Blue Bubblegum Girl
• 

  MegaDude

  Eventually I realised that some of my symptoms were there because something inside of me was screaming to be listened to and I just wasn't listening. I resolved to listen to those quiet murmurings, not actually do anything, but simply listen.

  How did you do this? Meditation?
• 

  JH

  I guess that we all have our own personal problems. I'm glad that you are feeling better now. I have no clue what depression is about.

  Can a person have everything in life and still be depressed?
• 

  Englishman

  How did you do this? Meditation?

  I did try this for a while and it lifted me considerably. I'd visualise a stream and walk along it's bank. Eventually a girl (in a simple white dress, of course) would walk across a tiny bridge over the stream to the side on which I was standing. I would ask her what it was that I needed to know. She would tell me.

  Englishman.
• 

  FlyingHighNow

  E-man,

  I relate. As with you and your family, it is with my family and me. My doctor once told me something interesting: he said that the more intelligent someone is the more prone to depression they will be. He said that most of his patients who suffered from depression were highly intelligent. He figured that intelligent people cannot pretend the troubles in their lives, and the world at large, away. They cannot overlook the pain and suffering mankind is experiencing. He also said there is some merit to the old cliche' : ignorance is bliss. People with average to lower normal IQs tend to be happier. They don't focus a lot of their mental and emotional energy on the things going wrong in the world.

  I know some natural things you can try that work very well for milder, chronic depression or melancholy. Let me know if you want to know them.

  (((((((((((((((E-man))))))))))))))

  Heather
• 

  Navigator

  Eventually a girl (in a simple white dress, of course) would walk across a tiny bridge over the stream to the side on which I was standing. I would ask her what it was that I needed to know. She would tell me.

  And then you would look up her dress, I presume.

  (edited to say this is megadude posting on Navigator's computer)
• 

  yxl1

  Thanks for the post Englishman. My mother has just been diagnosed with the big D, and since then most of her close JW friends have been avoidiing her. She gets the occational visit from the Elders telling her that she should reenter the pioneer school to help with her problems.

  Since the diagnosis, my sisters and I have made a real effort to include mum in everything. Physical activities seem to help her the most and she's enjoying helping out when I take the kids swimming. Like you, I've given her a few paperback novels to read (which she hasnt done in decades).

  The best part was when she accepted my invitation for X-mas dinner. She even bought a few prezzies for the kids!!!! (My wife nearly fainted) and even though she was very quiet throughout dinner, she did enjoy herself. (and I promised not to tell anyone..Ooops)

  All the best Eman
• 

  gumby

  Eventually I realised that some of my symptoms were there because something inside of me was screaming to be listened to and I just wasn't listening. I resolved to listen to those quiet murmurings, not actually do anything, but simply listen.

  Yes....I highlighted what Megadude highlighted.......great minds think alike eh?

  I think this is the core to most depression. If peoples circumstances could change that makes them unhappy........would they remain unhappy? For those with a chemical imbalance, ..probably not. For many others, an attitude change or circumstance change, would relieve many of this awful disease.

  BTW e-man.....that was a touching story of yours. I'm glad your OK now.

  Gumby
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  Special K

  That was a great thing you did by telling us about your interaction with Depression..

  Some good revelations and suggestions in there too.

  I'm glad your okay now, Mike...

  and I think too that I believe that the people who are the deeper thinkers tend to get followed somewhat by this "black dog".. unless they have something to offset their deep thinking.. like friends, physical activity, relaxation..things to take your mind away from the stresses....

  I really got alot out of your post, E Man..

  sincerely

  Special K

  P.S( Oh by the way.. I have " White Dog".. a West highland Terrier who always makes me feel better)