Whats a Real family Really like and how does one get there?

by Celtic 18 Replies latest jw friends

• 

  Celtic

  They say patience is a good thing, but what happens when your patience starts to run out?

  What's it like having a REAL REAL family, a family where different members look out for one another and offer support when the going gets tough?

  I feel somewhat ashamed of myself for posting this question. Normally I tell everyone everything going just fine, though often it feels completely shit. I did enjoy the last year immensely. It was the best I had felt in myself for years, though I don't know that I can guage just how rough the going was at times years ago, so anything would be better than that. It was still very hard work last year, trying to get myself cranked up, strong enough to get back into business again, maybe I'm just burning out again.

  It was this christmas that really got to me. It does every year, but this year I thought might be better. I was wrong. It felt like complete hell without any family around me. You know, I've even forgotten what a family really feels like, it's so long ago that I had one. Just the simple things I miss, the words taken for granted, small kindnesses, tokens, such as a pat on the back or an arm around my shoulder, a simple smile, even a question genuinely asked, 'are you alright Mark?' and mean't, that would be soooo good.

  What does a real family do together, whatever it is, I miss those times.

  Rhetorical Celt
• 

  flower

  (((((celtic))))) I can relate..I miss the little normal things too. Hope you feel better though, and keep your chin up, I'm sure you'll have a stronger family than you ever imagined one day.
• 

  Celtic

  Flower, I just Emailed you.

  I'll be in 'chat' for a few minutes if you wish to join in?

  Celt
• 

  bisous

  celtic, lots of us are in the same boat....sorry you had such a sucky xmas, i tried to catch you in chat but missed. hope you feel better.
• 

  Celtic

  Hello Bisous

  Thank you for message in my inbox.

  Write me if you wish:

  [email protected]

  Celty
• 

  jgnat

  Real families can sneak up behind you and bite you in the butt when you least expect it. You can make your own family if you want. "Honey, I'm pregnant" is a sure-fire start. Real families can explode exponentially as siblings and parents marry and remarry in to really large families. Real families are imperfect. Murphy's law states that there has to be at least one "black sheep" in the family who everybody else gossips about. Black Sheep are important, because they make everybody else feel better about their lives. Invariably also, there is a boorish rich cousin who blows through town. And the dotty Aunt. Can't forget the dotty Aunt.

  Some real families treat Christmas as a time to get drunk, say what they really feel to the boorish rich cousin, have a huge blowup, argue about who is going to drive the dotty Aunt back to the nursing home, and send the kids to bed crying. The real families that make Christmas a warm and welcoming time put a lot of effort in to it. That is why the people who have really great Christmases are the ones who enjoy giving of themselves.

  There are plenty of lonely people hanging around wishing they had family around them. Many of them are in nursing homes. There are even imperfect, unadoptable children yearning for a Real Family. And then, of course, there are ordinary lonely people looking for a friend. Perhaps you can build a new "family" for yourself by next Christmas.
• 

  Yerusalyim

  Mark,

  You can be part of my family if you'd like. Family is very important to me...I understand how you feel...so...to welcome you to my family...

  TAKE THE DARNED TRASH OUT AND CLEAN YOUR ROOM (done with a pat on the back and a wink).
• 

  Celtic

  Yes Sir!! & Smiling goes off to do his duty.

  Cheers Jgnat, you put things into perspective, you're right, stop feeling sorry for myself, think of others in worse off situations (many) and give of myself to them with a more gracious heart, perhaps then later this year, christmas will be more fun, with a new 'adopted' kinship between those sharing the occasion. Perhaps in my expectations I was too selfish this time round to realise, too cynical too. I'll take the advice on board.
• 

  Sassy

  I know my family was very dysfunctional growing up.. Dad was an alcoholic and mom a JW. When I got married I ended up in an abusive marriage.. Now that I stopped being a JW, my mom can't associate with me.. and dad will now that I am not.. but he'll be drunk every Christmas..

  We all want familes like we see in sitcoms but unfortunately we don't get them. If you read my post history you would see on Christmas eve I made a post about it being my first Christmas and not having anyone around me for family and I was in tears. I had anticipated Christmas with so much excitment and then felt let down when i didn't get the ideal in my head I thought I was missing out on all those years being a JW..

  We just need to pull together.. replace family members with others who can be in our lives.. find a reason to smile each day.. Hang in there.
• 

  bebu

  You can make your own family if you want. "Honey, I'm pregnant" is a sure-fire start.

  LOL!!!

  Real families have ups and downs. Continually. They don't just stay in one elevation forever. When there's bad times, a good family will find the parents taking a deep breath and leading thru, because that's the job of the moment. When the times are good, it's possible to look back on some of the bad times and see how the trials clarified everyone's character.

  Some people/families can make me feel discouraged, because they seem always so perfect, and mine isn't... but even those families aren't really perfect, of course. We're all working in our relationships. I give up on false guilt.

  I think about family sort of like a team that we're all on. We need to root for each other, not try to treat each other like rivals. Dads are often the coach, and they can really help set the tone for everyone else, which is a lot of responsibility. If there is no strong leader in the family showing the way to build each other up, then often the default is for everyone to look after only themselves... and the family struggles.

  BTW, I had a very nice Christmas. I think it was nicer than I'd anticipated, actually! My dad made it special: After dinner and after exchanging gifts, he interrupted our conversations and asked my husband to say a prayer, then my bro-in-law to make a toast to the new year, and then he spoke to us about how thankful he was that we could all be there together (which was the first time in 12 years, when we had all got snowed in for 4 days). He waxed nostalgic... He finally asked each of us to share the news of the past year and for the next year with everyone. We all sat around the living room (with wine or Bailey's Irish cream! ) and shared. Everyone was there--about 20 adults and 10 kids, and it was a really great time. We weren't doing anything much besides enjoying each others' company in a good way, with kids playing with toys at our feet. Anyway, a great family leader helps the most in creating a sense of family, I think... And I'm really learning a lot from my dad.

  bebu