Hippikon,
I am glad you are starting to think that way. I didn't understand the "game playing" you were engaged in. But I figured, to each his own. We all handle it differently and sometimes that is the way the anger and the hurt come out.
I for one, would love to see my family out! But I don't feel it is my job to show them that. Each person has to have their own doubts and then act on them. Hopefully they will!!
Good luck in however you decide to handle it!!
TW
Why Should I
by hippikon 14 Replies latest jw friends
-
thinkers wife
-
GinnyTosken
François,
You said :
These people proved that they are usually several notches above the average Borgite in intellectual capacity. They have sensitive bullshit detectors. They are independant thinkers in addition to being more intelligent than the cattle who stay in the Borg. . . . In short, the folk here represent a group of 'way above average people. I wouldn't want to take us on in any debate.
I disagree. I find it offensive to paint JWs as cattle of questionable intelligence. I think that coming out has less to do with intellectual capacity and more to do with emotional courage.
For the 20 years or so that I was one of Jehovah’s Witnesses, my I.Q. was the same as it is now. I could think logically about subjects other than religion. When I read your words, I think about my friends and family who are still Jehovah’s Witnesses. They are not any less intelligent than me. They simply have not been ready to wrestle with this very emotional and frightening issue of religion.
I can remember some times when I tried to think about my doubts. It wasn’t a lack of critical thinking skills that stopped me from drawing a logical conclusion--it was fear. My thinking went something like this: “But if that is true, then it means that there is a hole in my beliefs. If that hole cannot be explained, it means there may not be a paradise and that I’ve been heading down the wrong road for 15 years.” The horror of that idea would stop me in my mental tracks. I’d quickly reassure myself, “There must be some explanation. This has to be God’s organization because of the growth, the love, etc.” I’d bury the scary question as quickly as I could.
From what I’ve seen during my five years of hanging around ex-JWs on the internet, it is usually an emotional issue that first prompts a person to intellectually examine the JW dogma—being treated unfairly, noticing hypocrisy, running up against a wall of legalism when one expected love, kindness, and understanding. It seems to take some sort of emotional disillusionment for a person to find the courage to face the difficult questions.
I tread carefully around those who are still JWs because the relationship between the Society and its followers reminds me of a marriage. You may know that a husband is running around on his wife, lying and cheating, but you also know how difficult it is to break this news to the wife. She may not want to believe, may jump to the defense of her husband, may deny all the signs, and hate you for telling her.
I’ve also observed that when someone is in a bad relationship, it isn’t much help if I get angry for the person and say things like, “Yes, your husband is a no-good, lying SOB.” Again, the reaction is for the wife to come to the defense of her husband, “Yes, he has his faults, but . . .” In my experience, it is better to just listen or sometimes even to defend the husband. This allows the wife to express her own anger and tell about those instances in which she feels she’s been wronged.
And there are some people who, for whatever reasons, are not at a stage in their development to let go of an unhealthy and limiting relationship. While it troubles me to see them suffer, I know that I must be patient, wait until they’ve had enough, and be there to offer support when they're ready to leave.
How we help Jehovah’s Witnesses is a very personal matter. Some do it with humor, others with confrontation, others with information and publicity, others by offering their lives as an example of how to live a happy life free from the shackles of this religious mindset. However we choose to help, let’s not pat ourselves on the back as the intellectual elite and underestimate the intelligence of the average Jehovah’s Witness.
Ginny
-
Introspection
Hi Hippi, I'm glad you're at this turning point. In a way, resistance is futile, though more accurately I think it is irrelevant in your case, as you're no longer part of the collective. I myself am not DA'd or DF'd, and I choose not to officially DA myself because I simply do not acknowledge their world as a reality.
Although I don't see the need for emotional confrontation, I do think I have the responsibility to address anybody who would approach me at the very least. It just so happens the 5 or so witness households in my immediate area has not approached me, and frankly I can't make them consider things with an open mind anyways. I think it would be appropriate to dispassionately deconstruct the JW belief system, doing so with a "mild temper and deep respect" may make them think twice. Of course, tact is required, and too much too soon would likely make them revert to the closed system they consider as the truth.
As others have already expressed, I think it all comes out in different ways too. Some who are angry may use that energy in a way that is ultimately beneficial, that's just where they are at now and I accept that. But I think it is also good to support others who have made the decision to leave, or even those thinking about doing so. I appreciate that at the local ex-JW support group, they make a point to avoid even bashing the WTS, because it is about the ones who have left, helping them to move on with their lives. I suppose it is only reasonable that we need to be doing the same if we are to help in that regard.
-
emyrose
Hi Hippikon,
I personaly think it is great sport to kick the crutches from under these emotionally crippled social outcasts but is it good? Some of these people have nothing else in
their lives apart from the “troof” and couldn’t function as normal human beings without it. (as is evident by the behaviour of some on this board)So why be cruel to them. Even
to my own brother. I wouldn’t try to tip him out, as it would devastate his family (although it would be an easy task).I think that debating folks like You Know is extremely important. The agruments he makes are the ones lurkers who are considering
returning to the JW cult or joining it may share. So those that take it upon themselves to debate him are exposing all the lies and flawed logic in JW teachings for these potential victims. It is a shame that these brave and dedicated ex-jws have to run the risk of being slandered and verbally abused by the likes of You Know. Right before finding this forum I was in an emotional and psychological
hell and was even entertaining the thought of attending meetings again. The debates and presentations of research on this board have
completely saved me from making such a tragic mistake. So I respectfully disagree with you that the debating is unwise.
BTW, its nice to see you posting again. -
MacHislopp
Hello Hippikon,
a nice topic...very sensitive spot!
to G.Tosken:
"They are not any less intelligent than me. They simply have not been ready to wrestle with this very emotional and frightening issue of religion." A very sensible and kind remark!
Agape, J.C.MacHislopp