Did you ever lead a double life? (page 2)

peacefulpete

It's safe to say that evryone in that type of image obsessed organization leads a double life. Everyone had at least thoughts,opinions and desires that we could never let show. Appearances are everything. Respect and affection were portioned out upon the success we had of giving the impression of loyalty and commitment. So we were being forced to live a lie if we wanted acceptance.

peacefulpete

Besides the BCers I knew never blinked an eye about R rated movies. I knew one British Columbian who brought R rated movies to the Branch when on a need greater assignment. It was eye opening to learn how different JW perceptions were from one place to another.

RAYZORBLADE

- well, I joined the JWs many, many years ago, and I honestly thought my association with them, and constant studies, bible/WTS articles, would help: CHANGE ME.

No surprise, it did not.

I did not initially act upon my inclinations.

I did everything in my power, with hope placed upon Jehovah to make me 'right' or 'straight', only to find that I was 100% of the time, on my own, no matter how much pioneering I did, studying, extra meetings and bible studying, I was still gay.

I tried, oh did I try. I tried to keep it all under wraps, and did not act upon it despite the intense urges as an adult teen/early adult.

Eventually: my world (then) came tumbling down. I finally stopped pretending and acted out upon my instincts.

Even though I was a JW, I was in fact, leading a double-life, whether or not I acted upon my sexual urges. I just kept fooling myself.

A double-life can last for any indefinite period of time, but in all honesty, 'you can fool some of the people, some of the time; but you can't fool all of the people, all of the time'.

How true.

NukePoet

Yes I did - do - and must continue to lead a double life to some extent. My wife is the only one privy to all such info. My children will continue to be my first priority, and that means partialy pulling the wool over some folks eyes. I dodnt like it but such is life.

Nuke Poet

seattleniceguy

Naw, I was a good JW boy. I tried my hardest, and I mainly hung out with other people that were true-blue. When I would hang out with people my age that I thought were really cool and they would do something questionable (like watch an R-rated movie), I would get this terrible sinking feeling and, in some cases, spend less time with them. (What a jerk, huh? I'm better now, I promise!)

I guess the closest I came was this Japanese brother I hung out with a lot. He showed up one day at meeting and I instantly thought he was a great guy. I always kind of bugged me that he was irregular at the meetings - and in the entire time I knew him, including three months when he lived at my house, I only saw him out in service one time! - but I hung out with him anyway. Anyway, one time I was at his place and I saw he had a couple R-rated movies. Would you believe the rebellious side of me was so eager to get to the surface, I watched two in one night? (They were Gladiator and The Green Mile, as I recall.)

Talk about living dangerously, eh? So that's my double life story. Sheesh. Pretty pathetic, huh?

SNG

joannadandy

So SNG, if you ever want to make up for lost time...*wink wink*....I have lots of R rated movies! lol

Nosferatu

I was a good JW for quite a while. I had worldly friends but very few.

When I was around 14, things started to change. I got into rap music (oooooooh!!). I also had a worldly girlfriend who I was thinking of trying to convert.

When I was 15, my cousin gave me a bunch of pornos he didn't need anymore. I got another worldly girlfriend and had my first kiss.

When I was 17, I got a blowjob in my room from my worldly girlfriend while my parents were out. I also started smoking.

When I was 18, I left.

medstudent

Yeah the famou sdouble life, in a way JWs really teach you to lie....

Until i was 16 everyone thought of me as the holy JW girl with the golden heart, not only did they describe me like that but i was! When my parents would not go to the kingdom hall because they didnt feel like it i would go on my bike, etc. I really didn't know half what was going on around me. Funny though: i didn't have that many young JW friends because they thought i was to much of a saint.

then i went out a night in the big town and smoked, smoked pot, kissed and had oral sex on the same night....well that kinda opened my eyes a little ;)

Within a year i went from the school nerd/dork to the most popular girl on school dating the popular guy, doing popular things and i was telling an awful lot of lies (my bf at that time didn't even know that i was a JW). O men i had such a blast that year! I started to skip classes with my bf but luckily still finished high school with good enough marks to enter med school.

It all changed when i started university and moved to another town. I could lead my life without hurting my parents with it. I slowly got them to accept me and adapt to it. And now: no more lies! no more double lives! Not that i'm telling them every thing that i'm doing wrong according to them but that is more to respect them, not because i feel guilty or should cover it up.

Damn.....i didn't plan on telling my story this way ;)

medstudent

Sassy

For the most part I was pretty well behaved growing up.. no double life except maybe a sneak out with a short skirt now and then...

I always had "worldly/NON JW friends". My dad wasn't a JW so mom couldn't have stopped me, although she didn't try. Most of my friends were pretty well mannered in a JWs eyes so it was never a problem with them pulling me into stuff I'd have to hide. I did have one friend who was a little more on the edge and she tried to get me to go to drinking parties with her and said to say I was just staying at her place but I didn't dare.

My first husband and I didn't lead double lives exactly but we did watch Rated R movies.. that was about it..

I was about the same for the first 5 years after my divorce..

then I moved and dated a guy who said he was a brother.. he lead me on the wild side for a while and I really never stopped dating worldly men after that for a two yr period.. so I guess then I was leading a double life.. but I really wasn't attending meetings either.. in a way I guess my fade started a long time ago even though I didn't make the conscious decision till last July.

maxwell

No, I was mostly a good little JW while growing up. Not perfect. But I never hid the fact that I was a JW when I was at school and I was never ashamed to see my schoolmates in field service. Part of this was because I was a nerdy guy anyway.

However, many of my fellow JW schoolmates did lead double lives to varying degrees. One was an elder's daughter. She had a "worldly" bf and everyone at school would see them together often. She eventually got pregnant. Of course, I didn't see that part, but it wasn't surprising given all the other stuff I'd seen. That's one thing that I let myself feel guilty about for a while. I was thinking I should have reported her as she was an unbaptized publisher. But although she made the mistake of getting pregnant at a young age, I didn't really see her do anything other than what any young teenage girl would do. Other JW classmates would curse and hit on girls, have their gfs, but keep it on the down low at the KH. Many of those that I observed doing that had never been unbaptized publishers so I worried less about not reporting them. I heard that some got into drugs. In fact of all the years I was in high school, I can think of only one other JW schoolmate (he was a senior when I was a freshman) that is still a JW now. And over the four years I was in high school, I was probably with between 10-15 other JW schoolmates. I probably saw less than half of what went on. As I mentioned, I was nerdy, even when compared with other JW kids, so I was out of the loop on a lot, maybe most, of what happened.

Did you ever lead a double life?

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