JW Women

Sassy

Purple had a thread about sisters and feeling left out or forgotten and while I do totally relate to what she posted about and agree with it from personal experience, what I experienced as a MARRIED JW wife I found more intollerable and it was one of the reasons that I ceased to be a JW.

It is one thing to be a woman and single and feel like you miss out on some social activities because you aren't a "couple' or a "couple where both are JWs" and that does stink..

but be a woman who is married and your husband is a 'so called JW'.. you have NO rights.. You can not even talk to the elders without your HUSBAND in their presense. If he doesn't want you to talk to them, they can NOT talk to you.. at least that is what my elders told me. Here I was almost suicidal because of the pressure of my 2nd husband and the stress of living with him so I kicked him out and so he contacted them and they called me and said we needed to talk, needed to have a meeting. At first I didn't want to but I finally agreed after much pressure but only to talk to them, I did not want him there. NOPE, wasn't going to happen. That was when I was told they were not allowed to meet with me unless he was there too.. The PO told me that his wife was a pioneer but if he didn't want to be with her to talk to the elders, she couldn't meet with them either..

when you get married as a woman, you cease to have personal rights..

which is why when I started missing meetings there were No phone calls to check on me.. Two months after I had been missing and he missed two weeks there were phone calls checking on him.. I looked at him and said.. Sure you are sick two weeks and they make sure you are ok, where the hell have I been for two months? obviously they do not care.. I cease to exist..

Am I crazy? or have other experienced this as a JW wife??

cruzanheart

Oh, yes! I remember walking into one of the Plano congregations after we moved there, and the Presiding Overseer came up to me (that in itself was surprising, upon later reflection) and asked brightly, "And who do YOU belong to?" I did a double take, and he asked, "Where is your husband?" I frostily replied, "Home." Well, that set the tone for my stay there. Since Chris had been smart enough to stop going years before, I was The Invisible Woman (except when counsel was needed about being late to meetings). I was amazed at the pigeonhole into which I was shoved, because I had been an elder's daughter, a pioneer for 13 years, and a ministerial servant's wife, with parts on circuit and district assemblies. Yet now, because I was there without a husband, I was treated like a nonentity. I am very glad that this happened because that was when it started being reinforced what I think I always knew: this was a hierarchy every bit as rigid as any Catholic church, and just as compassionate.

I'm amazed at how long I put up with that nonsense.

Nina

Stefanie

I know exactly where you are coming from.

Sassy

Who do you belong to???

Doesn't it make you want to say.. Excuse me? I don't belong to anyone...

I remember once a friend told me when she was upset at the elders (ironic she is still in and refuses to talk to me know) but that in the 'society' it is a man's world..

and if you think about it it is. We really were second class citizens.

simplesally

It amazes me that your friend is still in the truth when she is really such an indepedant person. She really does not let men tell her what to do! Plus I know that she does a lot of things that her elders would raise their eyebrows to......she doesn't do anything wrong, just like the internet dating and meeting brothers that way.......it surprises me to this day she is still in with all that control going on.

Lonestar13

Although I am not a JW Wife, that is the reason I never wanted to be one. I noticed the way women would be so submissive to their husbands in EVERYTHING and it made me SICK. However most persons thought that the reason why I didn't marry YET (being 26 and not married in the org -gasp) was becuase i could not find a brother to marry. So then a lot of "well meaning" people started inviting me places where they knew single bethelites would be in the hopes of creating something. I had to explain to all that even though my closest friends were all married and I was YET single, and often looked quite depressed, that this was due to a bad home situtaion NOT being single. I got blank looks. I even had to explain to an ELDER that i do not wish to be married, especially in the org. I told him that i do not like the way that women are regarded despite the fact that they "are a large army" and that many of them are 100 times better at speaking and teaching than some of the sorry brothers that "grace" the stage who never seem to progress beyond shoddily put together 5 minute talks on the TMS. I think he was taken aback.

All that being said i have always been drawn to "worldly men". And they have treated me like I was a QUEEN. And it took a LOT to break down the barrier that the WTS would want their women to believe- that worldly men are only there too sleep with "clean jw girls" and then move on to the next. ANY SLEAZEBALL WOULD DO THAT. In fact, JW men do it, except they are required to marry the girl first all the while pretending to be interested in a life with them, but at age 21, its all about the sex.

Jahna

Greetings everyone

I have been reading the forum here for about a week or so. This topic hit close to home. See I basically grew up in a JW house, did the right thing and married a nice JW boy. I even had nice JW children.

My now ex husband and I worked together in a family business, one which the brothers often would visit. Mostly elders and MS mind you, but we had a lot of traffic in and out. Because my husband couldn?t find the time, it was left on my shoulders to study with my kids, which I did. My oldest is very bright and at the age of 5 read quite well. He was the example at the book study and watch tower meetings because he could answer all by himself, read the bible ect. At the age of 6 he, much to the surprise of the elder in charge, was able to explain the horse men of Revelation where as the elder could not do it off the top of his head. Nothing like being shown up by a 6 year old!

I was literally floored when during the many visits to our business, the brothers would all pat my husband on the back saying how well his family was doing, how bright his children were and how wonderful it was to see them grow in the truth, because of "his" studying with them. Even if I was standing next to him, no one would even mention my involvement. Of course he would take all of the credit.

No one realized how hard it was for me, while I not only worked full time with my husband, I had a pre schooler who needed special education as she was learning disabled. So here I was driving her all over town, only to get back and pick my son up from school for lunch and then after school to take him back to work with us. Our children came to work with us, as baby sitters were taboo according to my husband (guess who watched them and worked too). After leaving work at 5:30 or 6 I rushed home, cooked a meal and then got everyone ready for the meetings, while my husband complained and I often had to fight him to even go to the meetings. Yet he was doing a great job! Once the third child came along I was burnt out.

Finally I left him, that day he played bumper cars with me as I drove to the police station afraid for my life. The police arrested him and placed a restraining order against him, he ignored it upon release. I lost my job (dah) and he refused to pay support of any kind, leaving me with a heavy mortgage, food, bills ect and no money. One elder finally visited after 4 weeks only because the PO was visiting. The "talk" they had with me centered around my smoking (after the bumper car experience I picked up a pack of smokes after 14 years smoke free and started for a week or so, then quit) and leaving my husband. No mention on how I was doing, no questions are we ok, (they knew of his arrest), no questions about support ect nothing. They prayed and left and I never looked back.

For someone who never missed a meeting, even though I was told to be stay in bed during the pregnancy of my second child no one even missed my attendance at the meetings when I finally stopped. No words of encouragement while I worked and Aux Pio with two kids (on top of the rest) nothing! He (my husband) was doing so well with the family, way to go!

He is now living with a witch, (literally). Guess he wasn?t so good after all.

Jahna

Lonestar13

Welcome Jahna...Thanks for sharing your story. I am horrified and angered that you had to enudre all of that only to find that the JW elders lack the compassion needed to be the shepherds that they call themselves. They are light years behind when it comes to dealing with women.

cruzanheart

Welcome, Jahna! I'm glad you found the forum -- you'll find a lot of people who share your feelings about Jehovah's Witnesses (me included). Look forward to hearing more from you!!!

Nina

Sassy

Yes, I welcome you too Jahna. Your story touches me and unfortunately I can believe it although I wish for you it wasn't true. It blows me away that we as women can be treated with so little value in the congregations and when we stop attending no one even says a word. I too studied with the kids as you did. The few times my ex (first husband) studied with us as a family and in the 16 yrs we were married, I would say perhaps 15 times, usually he would lose his temper because the kids didn't sit still enough and end up swearing and throwing the bible or publications across the room only for us to spend the next hour being chewed out. I found it easier to study with the kids one on one. I can't say that my children were as well trained as yours though. You are to be commended. Your story does remind me of mine, my ex stalked me with his car too and chased me down the highway until I drove straight into the police station and asked how to get a restraining order. Sad how we married 'JW' men who were supposed to be so christian and how did it turn out. The problem is this organization supports them and encourages them.

When my first husband and I split up and I couldn't get grounds for scriptural freedom at first, because although he admitted to me of an affair, he would not admit it to the elders. I divorced him and they told me that I was not allowed to speak ill of him to anyone. I was told that since I did not have a scriptural divorce but only a legal one, I still must recognize him as my head, AS MY HEAD and show him respect!

Lonestar, you were probably the smart one as far as not marrying under those circumstances..

JW Women

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