by metatron 20 Replies latest jw experiences
Friendship? Friendship is something that you will never get if you ask "what can I get out of this for myself?" Generally, a dedicated Witness longs so much for their own imagined future happiness in a new system, they will sacrifice all others. Little room for true friendship here. They are abused victims of a cult; behaving as such.
j
Put it this way, a former "friend" of mine said to me. " Micheal, as long as you attend meetings you will always be my friend."
Wow what a hallmark moment.
What the hell is that all about?!!!
I have found it hard to maintain long term friendships. We were never encouraged to have non-Witness friends growing up and we kept to ourselves. Some of my JW friends moved away but most drifted away as they grew up. I did the same and I am now in contact with a couple of old friend x-JWs. The only person I have kept as a friend for a long period (over 26 years) is not and never was a JW. I was his JW friend!
Of all my friends and relatives he is the one person who keeps in touch regularly and comes visit occasionally. My parents's never really knew him or his background otherwise I'd have been under pressure to quit association. Despite all the changes in my life at one person has been there as a friend.
3rd
The endless repetition about "bad association" started to wear really thin with me. I got to where I enjoyed the company of my non-witness family & workmates over that of my "brothers".
" but usually end up "enduring" whatever bad luck or choices life has stuck them with." ¶That's what really breaks my heart--as if it is the height of accountability and moral behavior to stick with every bad decision you ever made. That and the isolation.
They are often so busy with Theocratic Busywork ( field service, meetings) that they have little time left for anything
I can hear the: "we'd like to help you but we're just so busy" ringing in my ears. Why spend all of that time hunting for students, studying with them, etc. and then not have time for them anymore once they are baptized? This is the main reason JWs cannot be truly good friends. The org. keeps them "just so busy".
Heather
When I was DF'ed, only two Dubs continued to associate with me. One of them I later married and the other is still my best friend. I agree, witness friends are no great prize, but you can find a couple of gems if you're lucky.
A well respected expert in de-programing cult members(did a lot of work with ex-moonies) said to me of the Jw's "they are a merciless bunch" Is not that the truth of theses people in general? They would kick your butt, to save theirs. It is unnatural to break family ties and friendships over religion. Religion is to "minister" to the needs of its flock. Jw's minister to an organization of old control freaks.
Sorry, I can not mention this expert by name.
The ex-Moonie counselor is Steven Hassan who wrote "Combatting Cult Mind Control."
Dan,
You state:
I still think that they were good friends. Of course I'm hurt by the fact that they abandoned me when I left the organization.
Respectfully, this simply does not jive. Good friends do not abandon good friends for an 'organization'. Those kind of 'good friends' never existed. Sad, but true.
Jw "friendships" are based solely on conditions. And we know what those are and were. It's a jagged pill to swallow. I know.
sKally
