It just doesn't add up (page 3)

tink

k, nos, you're officially my hero for the day :P

Aztec

I suppose it was when I was raped while being a good little baptized pioneer.

I'm very sorry this happened to you Carrie.

I'm actually not sorry that it happened. It opened my eyes in a lot of ways but, thank you.

But all it brought me was more and more misery and anxiety and unhappiness

I can understand that. Thank you for explaining. I, actually, know what you mean.

DY, I wanted to live a normal life. I lost my faith in god only partially because of that night. I did say that I lost any faith in god and I suppose I shouldn't have said that. I wrote that months ago and I wrote it when I had just woken up. I think I was already on my way to agnosticism and then atheism at that point. Who knows? I spent years blaming myself over and above anyone else. I fail to see how a youthful indiscretion such as sneaking out of the house meant that I deserved what happened. I suppose people saying things like that are why I took a good, hard look at atheism.

9 times out of 10 we bring about our own problems and God hasn't a darn thing to do with it.

I would say 9 out of 10 times we bring our problems upon ourselves and the other 1 time is just random misfortune. God has nothing to do with it.

Stefanie, Micheal and Walter, I'm not all that thin skinned but, thank you.

~Aztec

Blueblades

AZTEC,HI! FREEMINDS,JWD FORUM,Books,such as : ---COC. ISOCF. GENTILE TIMES RECONSIDERED, SIGN OF THE LAST DAYS WHEN? APOCALYPSE DELAYED, BLOOD ON THE ALTAR,DIANE WILSON'S book AWAKENING of a JEHOVAH'S WITNESS, ( sorry about your rape and abuse. Diane Wilson's book is one that will be of help for you. ) and the many Life Stories told here,Child Abuse,and much more,since the one and half years we have faded.Along with a re-read of the Bible in different translations.

Blueblades,former elder who now knows it just dosen't add up.

Aztec

Hi Blueblades. Thank you.

~Aztec

RubaDub

"It just doesn't add up"

That's because you forgot to take into consideration that there is no zero year when calculating the 2,520 years.

***** Rub a Dub

Badger

It began:

I was at a hall build and oveheard three old-school hardliners chirp about "They way things are":

"Probably one out of every three witnessestoday won't make it through to the new system," said one.

I couldn't let this pass. I swung around, started up the ladder and snapped, "So, which one of you's gonna die?"

the S.O. from my cong. heard that and "counseled" me.

S.O.: "That was inappropriate, Bro. Badger. Those are really well respected brothers, who have put in a lot of service..."

Badger: <fires Nail gun into wall> "Without the burden of tact, It appears"

S.O.: "You really need to apologize."

Badger: "I don't NEED to do anything except stay Indian and die! Aren't you supposed to be laying brick right now?"

He left. I was pissed at these four, who I knew probably weren't very good shepherds.

S.O. and I worked in service together a week later. I apologized for snapping at him. He hadn't done anything to upset me, I said, and he didn't deserve that treatment from me.

He seemed OK...like he understood that I was an imperfect human. then the talk got casual. He asked me some casual stuff in a friendly manner that usually goes on in car groups. among them:

What religion would you be if it weren't for the witnesses?...What would you do if you didn't pioneer?...Any sisters you secretly like?...What do you like to do after service?...etc.

I answered them flippantly, taking it as small talk. That night, he gave a local needs talk on "upbuilding speech in the ministry":

(Not an exact quote, but...)

"Some people in service occupy their time by daydreaming about other careers, or what they're doing later that day, or even of the opposite sex (giggle from the crowd). Some even daydream of other forms of false worship! (gasp! murmur!). But wouldn't it be better if we used this time between doors to study the literature and ways to better present it?"

I was sickened. and I was carrying mikes that night for that jackass's talk. I wa already getting to go to Bethel as a temp, and it wasn't a great experience. (Seven006's story blows mine out of the water, but I saw a inkling of what he did.) When I got back, the SO made my life hell...critizing me at every turn, and belitting my efforts in front of the CO during service. (I discussed these on another thread...basically, he said I turned in hours and no lit or visits.)

I realized that it wasn't spirituality or merit that got you ahead in the org, it was sheer politics. The good 'ol boy system was in full effect. I was a loose cannon.

<voice of Jamie Foxx from "Any Given Sunday"> "Then they say about me, 'Oh, Badger, he's arrogant, he's a troublemaker, he don't wanna serve Jehovah!' But I was doing what all the other young brothers were doing...they were all actin' the fool...but it's me they went after. It's me that got called out."

That started it.

The second hit was the separation. I was always told a witness wife was the best you could want, and that she would never leave you if you gave her what you could and was a "strong leader". I was a bit more enlightened than that. I wanted her to have her own life and took her at her word.

Then she left...and quickly won the ensuing sympathy battle from the congregation so much, my dad and stepmom took her in. I felt physically sick going to meetings, and got no encouragement other than "get to more meetings and service." It all hurt, And then I started to seriously feel that I wasn't meant to be a witness.

I knew was on my way out then...only a couple of people from the hall checked in on me with any sincerity, including one former elder who offered to study with me (some from a WT publication, mostly from the heart and bible, though) and said, "You're doing the right thing here...You know the doctrine better than most people MY age (he's in his 70's). You know what's going on here, you just don't see how you fit in."

Bingo, brother. It's gonna break his heart when I do leave for good. That's going to be about my only regret.

I started to work with a circle of "worldly" friends. If I had found the board then, I'd be a little better off.

I swear I'll put all of these in a cohesive story some day...If you have the stomach for it.

dustyb

heh badger, i can relate to the elder thing. There's only one of the elders in my congregation that tries to keep contact w/ me, and its not the greatest. and all he has to say is lets go study. then he tells me the same blah blah, you konw a lot of doctrine stuff so you should be a witness...you know, the same shit. its kinda sad when i'm not a witness and i knwo more doctrinal studies and such than a baptised witness......

micheal

I swear I'll put all of these in a cohesive story some day...If you have the stomach for it.

We would all love to hear it one day Badger.

toreador

It was the blood doctrine that made me question and later talk with the brothers about it.

The rest is history.

Aztec

OMG, Badger. That was rough to read. I do hope you can someday put that all into words. Well, actually, you just did. I'd like to hear more if you do want to share.

Tink and Nos, I forgot to say thanks to you both as well.

~Aztec

It just doesn't add up

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