I guess it was not meant to be

by Dayshdees 27 Replies latest social relationships

• 

  Sentinel

  Once the love bug has bitten, it seems that it is a snowball just getting bigger and bigger goling down a mountain. Rarely can anyone else stop it. Only you can stop it in the earliest of stages.

  You are right now getting only a few of the "warning signals" that you are perhaps making a mistake. She is probably thinking that she can win you over, which is scaring your family and friends--and you are thinking that her religion can't be THAT bad.

  Please know that cult like religions put a strain on marriages that start off "divided". If you think you are feeling bad now, with the negative stuff you are getting, just wait until you marry her, and you don't want to be a JW. I have rarely ever seen a happy marriage where two people are at totally opposite ends of the spectrum. Suppose she falls away and everyone blames you? Can she handle that? Can you? It would be so much better now to postpone any marriage and give the relationship more time. (It is my opinion that this is why no one caused you too much grief at the announcement of your engagement--they figured in time you'd come to your senses. The announcement of your marriage has sent them into a panic.)

  However, if you wish to sacrifice "your self" for the love of your life, there will be no one who can stop you. It is your decision.

  /<
• 

  Dayshdeess

  Thank you to everyone that gave advice, it made me see a lot of things that I was brushing under the carpet, they do after all say love is blind.

  The best thing I ever did was to get away for a few day's, you really cant begin to believe how clearly I could see thing's after taking myself out of the situation.

  Being away from my partner and my family cleared me up big style, I made the decision not to go ahead with marriage despite how I felt and still feel about her, I never thought I would ever get to the stage of having a breakdown over a woman, but I did, I guess it was never going to be easy after I was told about her beliefs, Im just a commitmentphobe I suppose but my babys beliefs have not made things any easier for me.

  After a few days of getting back my family started talking to me again, then my partner wanted an explanation which was not easy, we talked, she listened but it was still along the lines of her way or no way, cut a long story short she has not got her way and has thrown herself more into her studies, yet still wants to have a relationship if only for the moment, I have not conformed and made an honest woman of her so she can step inside the kingdom hall without any guilt.

  Theres not really much of a relationship between us, no physical contact, as its a sin apparentley.

  One thing to come out of this though is that since this has happened, she is being 'love bombed' by fellow congregation members and I suppose, probably just my opinion but she is being persuaded to disassociate herself from a worldy guy such as myself, though its not really having that affect, shes getting very confused and mixed up over things, It will probably come to nothing and Im just getting my hopes up, but I think she is having to decide between me and her religion.

  I will more than likely lose out, but I think I might start attending my local christian church if she choose's me over it, I live in hope.

  And thank you all again for the advice
• 

  talesin

  Day,

  I just read your thread - sounds like you've been on a rollercoaster ride, and a rough one at that. For what it's worth, I feel that you made a good decision. One thing you said last month really hit me hard:

  trouble is she is of the cant wait, wont wait frame of mind

  This reminded me of myself at 21 - I pressured my worldly boyfriend into marriage, since I couldn't bring myself to "break my parents' hearts" by living 'in sin'. Seven years later, the marriage ended and my ex-husband's heart was broken.

  Why? Because, even though I loved him dearly, mainly I just wanted to ESCAPE. And he was my ticket out. I didn't do it on purpose, but still, I caused him a lot of pain and heartache. It took me many years to realize this, but as they say, hindsight is 20/20. This may be the case with your partner - and she may not know it.

  I'm happy you are waiting. There is always a chance that things will work out. Keep listening to your gut, and just know that you are doing the right thing.

  Peace, love & happiness

  talesin
• 

  freelife

  I hope everything works out for you but if she, does choose you over the JWS you said that you might start going to a local church. If she leaves the JWS she may be inclined to not go to the church with you. She will probrobly be scarred to do this and may not want anything to do with religon. Just something to keep in mind friend.

  Clint
• 

  Nathan Natas

  Dayshdeess,

  If you go ahead with the marriage, you'll be making a BIG mistake.

  You will not be an equal partner in the marriage, but a third wheel, because your wife's loyalty will be primarily directed to her Big, Imaginary, Invisible Boyfriend named Jehovah, and ANYTIME there's a conflict between what you want an what JEHOVAH wants, YOU will be the loser.

  Your family and your friends are not blinded by love, passion or lust, as you are now. The advice they offer is good advice, and you should take it.

  Once you enter into this marriage you will be reduced to being the wallet that buys watchtower literature and supports your "wife's" loyal relationship with her Big, Imaginary, Invisible Boyfriend Jehovah, unless you decide to let Jehovah become your Big Imaginary Invisible Boyfriend too.

  There are lots of other women in the world, and many of them are not JWs. Find yourself a new one.

  This song's for you, dude:

  (Sung to the tune of "My Boyfriend's Back")

  SPOKEN
  <He went away and you hung around
  And bothered me every night
  And when I wouldn't go out with you
  You said things that weren't very nice>

  Jehovah's back and you're gonna be in trouble
  (Hey-la, hey-la, Jehovah's back)
  When you see him comin', better cut out on the double
  (Hey-la, hey-la, Jehovah's back)

  You been spreading lies that I was untrue
  (Hey-la, hey-la, Jehovah's back)
  So look out now 'cause he's comin' after you
  (Hey-la, hey-la, Jehovah's back)

  Hey, he knows what you been tryin'
  And he knows that you been lyin'

  He's been gone for such a long time
  (Hey-la, hey-la, Jehovah's back)
  Now he's back and things'll be fine
  (Hey-la, hey-la, Jehovah's back)

  You're gonna be sorry you were ever born
  (Hey-la, hey-la, Jehovah's back)
  'cause he's kinda big and he's awful strong
  (Hey-la, hey-la, Jehovah's back)

  Hey, he knows I wasn't cheatin'
  Now you're gonna get a beatin'

  What made you think he'd believe all your lies?
  (Aah-ooh, aah-ooh)
  You're a big man now but he'll cut you down to size
  (Aah-ooh)
  Wait and see!

  Jehovah's back, he's gonna bring on Armageddon
  (Hey-la, hey-la, Jehovah's back)
  If I were you, I'd take a permanent vacation
  (Hey-la, hey-la, Jehovah's back)

  Hey, I can see him comin'
  Now you better start a'runnin'
  <brief instrumental interlude>
  (Aah-ooh, aah-ooh)
  <brief instrumental interlude>
  (Aah-ooh)
  Wait and see!

  Jehovah's back, he's gonna save my reputation
  (Hey-la, hey-la, Jehovah's back)

  Yeah, Jehovah's back
  Well look out now, Jehovah's back
  Well, I can see him comin' so you better get a'runnin' a'right now
  Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah

  FADE
  Jehovah's back
• 

  simplesally

  I would say she wants to get married quickly because she is getting flack from the congregation. Now that she is engaged, she has to keep her word..............unless you break it off. Getting married will allieve some stress for her ........ for awhile. Then after marriage, you two will get invitations, you will be exposed to just how nice they can be, how warm, how loving, how uncultish they are. Then an elder will befriend you and offer to conduct a study with you. Soon, you will face the pressure of the whole JW lifestyle.
• 

  bebu

  Day,

  Really glad to hear that you are using your head a little more than the heart at this point.

  Next time your feelings are taking you off on a long walk on a short pier, do like you did again.

  Also, just in case: don't ever get into a Bible study with any of her congregation involved; she'll feel pressed to conform and won't think for herself like she might do with you...

  Thanks for updating us!!

  bebu
• 

  jgnat

  Dayshdees, your latest post is much more lucid. What a difference a break made. ARE your family normally loving and accepting? Was this a temporary hiccup, or is there a pattern of them imposing their views on you?