I guess it was not meant to be (page 2)

Dayshdees

I just can not think rationally anymore, my family's issues are that of my partner being a jw and that alone, their issues are that if I go ahead, then they want nothing to do with our children should they come in time or anything to do with my prospective partner. I no they no best and are just doing what they feel is right but I really feel that she is the one for me despite what problem's the future may hold. My partner knows my view's and that I wont swop over to her belief's, the children issue is still debatable between us though.

I guess the fact that we got engaged which they didnt have a problem with and then said a few day's later that we were thinking about getting married abroad the end of the month, kind of does seem like a rush, trouble is she is of the cant wait, wont wait frame of mind. Still If It's meant to be then six months,1-2 year's down the road and If we are still together then it will happen.

I was in exactly the same situation just after I met her, but I pushed on and saw further than the stereotypical view of jw's. I guess if we make it through this then people may another side to my partner, however that's going to take a lot of time though.

I hope it will work, but not at the cost of losing my family, If only my partner was not so stubborn over thing's and I had not given in so easily then I wouldnt be in this proverbial pile that Im in now and her beliefs would not have been such an issue with others, with a bit of luck and a good talk, then hopefully she may see just what Im facing losing, trouble is though because her family life has never been settled, my gf's view's are way different and just tell's me to make a stand which is what I have done, I just never expected such a reaction from other people though.

I just have not been able to think straight the last few day's, being pulled from one side to the other, so I know Its a coward's way out but Ive put my self into a self imposed exile and disappeared for a few day's from everyone, not the way thing's should be handled I now, but things are just getting on top of me to the point that I don't no anymore, had I not done this then thing's would have pushed me over the edge. I hope I can see thing's a bit more clearly in the next day or so.

Sassy

this has to be a hard time for you..

is she baptized? I can't imagine the congregation treating her very well if she is and she continues to even date you

Nosferatu

If only my partner was not so stubborn over thing's and I had not given in so easily then I wouldnt be in this proverbial pile that Im in now

I just have not been able to think straight the last few day's, being pulled from one side to the other,

I'm going to be frank here. Your problem is you're trying to please everybody and it's not working. Your fiance wants you to do this, your family wants you to do that, and you have no fucking clue what you want. It's your life, you're the only one in control of it, and you're the only one who can figure out what you want. You're also the only one you can please. If you live out your life pleasing other people, you're never going to be happy because you haven't figured out how to please yourself.

I know Its a coward's way out but Ive put my self into a self imposed exile and disappeared for a few day's from everyone

This is the only thing you've done YOUR WAY and I commend you on that. It's not a coward's way out, it's a choice YOU made rather than listening to everyone else on how to handle this situation. Take this time that you have, figure out what you want, what you don't want, and make YOUR OWN decision based on that. Once you've made a decision, stick to your guns. Everyone else can make suggestions, but you're the only one who makes the final decision. Whether it's based on what other people want or what YOU want is entirely up to you.

Good luck and take as much time as you need. Armageddon isn't coming.

shamus

Put off the wedding indefinetly and break up with her. Love is not worth the hell you are going to go through. This is just a warm-up.

Black Sheep

I just have not been able to think straight the last few day's

Never, make an important decision while you can't think straight.

One of my greatgrandparents shunned her children who married below their status or into other religions. As far as I am aware, most of these marriages lasted a long time, most, if not all, until death, and all had children who were also shunned by her. When she passed on, they were all cut out of her will.

Importantly, their new inlaws and the religions they turned to/married into were supportive and became their new friends and family.

This is something that neither of you will have.

jgnat

My daughter is a bit like you. She wants it all - everybody happy AND making her own decisions. When she can't get it all, she remains in a confused state for months at a time, collaring strangers to get more advice, hoping SOMEBODY will give her the magic cure that will get her everything she wants.

I like Nosferatu's advice:

Ive put my self into a self imposed exile and disappeared for a few day's from everyone

I do think you need some time alone to get a clear head. 24 to 48 hours.

freelife

My poor friend, dude you are being pulled and pushed. WHAT EVER YOU DO, YOU HAVE TO TRY TO THINK CLEARLY. THIS IS ONE OF THE MOST IMPORTANT THINGS IN YOUR LIFE. If you are not totally happy wait if this woman really loves you she needs to give you time. You CAN'T go into somthing this huge without knowing for sure what you want. Trust me as someone who is recently divorced it costs you a lot money, mental health, Physical health and friends. You need to be sure. You have to be true to your feelings first so you are happy. If you don't do this you will have a hard time lasting in a relationship. Go take a trip for the weekend clear your mind and refind yourself. BEST WISHES TO YOU MY FRIEND

Freelife

aunthill

(((((Hugs)))))

I feel for you, Day. I got married, then became a JW, but my husband didn't. Let me tell you this: Love is NOT enough. I loved my husband, but the Watchtower Society, very subtly, tries to tear marriages between JWs and non-JWs apart. I speak from 25 years of experience. I was very lucky that my husband didn't leave me (or maybe that I didn't leave him) but those 25 years I was in the WT, our marriage was a living hell. Fortunately he was there when I finally came to my senses, and the past 10 years have been wonderful, bless his heart for hanging in there.

You can go ahead and marry her and learn by bitter experience the truth of my, and others who have posted here, words - or you can take a breather and think about exactly what you want for your life.

1. Do you want constant strife and conflict that will inevitably come because she believes one way and you don't?

2. Do you ever want to face the possibility that your child may be ill and need a blood transfusion but your wife is totally opposed, and may leave you if you authorize a transfusion, or that your child may die because you are afraid she would leave you if you granted a transfusion?

3. Do you want to NEVER celebrate Christmas (and other holidays) as a family. Or do you want to do as my husband did, take the kids to your parents' house for Christmas, while she stays (disapprovingly) at home. I'm here to tell you that it's no fun for either of you and just creates more friction.

There are so many other situations that come up in a "divided" household, and that is what it is, divided, that I can't begin to list them all. On the subject of "divided," a man and woman are supposed to cleave to each other and become one. Their purpose is to be united, and united in rearing their children. If one is a JW, and the other is not, there is no way they can be united, rather, they are "untied" and every one in the family suffers, being pulled in different directions.

I urge you to not rush into anything, but to take time and think logically about everything that has been said. When we rush into something because of an emotional need we tend to not look at the larger picture, but to consider only the emotional void inside of us rather than the effect it will have on the rest of our life. I see that you are 31 - way to old to be making rash decisions. By this age you should have a little wisdom under your belt, as well as the wisdom to pay attention to the experiences of others. As Sarah Annie said, are your family always opposed to what you want to do, just because they are a bunch of controlling people, or do you think they really have your best interests at heart. If they have your best interests at heart, sit down with each one of them (one at a time, not all together so that they gang up on you) and ask them what they see that you are not seeing, and LISTEN and weigh what they say.

Anyway, best of luck.

Aunthill

aunthill

I went back and read your original post. The people who posted there were telling you the truth about the difficulty and sheer hell you will go through if you marry this woman. However, some people have to learn in the School of Hard Knocks (upside the head), and you may just be one of them. Unfortunately, by the time you come to your senses you are likely to have a couple of children whose minds will be warped by the crazy teaching of this cult. Is that what you want, some really messed up kids????

Think!!!! That is why God gave us a BRAIN - so we can reason, not just react to our base instincts like some dumb animal. Don't give in to that emotional vortex that will attempt to drown you in the sea of misery!

Aunthill

bebu

Marriage is a good thing--generally. This isn't a general situation, though.

How long do you plan to stay married? If you are this quick to get married, and can't stand the pain of waiting, I assure you that you will likely leave the marriage very quickly when there is even more pain than now!

Put the brakes on this. A lot of good advice has been given here, and I hope you are disciplined enough to follow it...

Best wishes!!!

bebu

I guess it was not meant to be

Share this