Non JW parent dating a JW who wants children

M0m3

Hello there,

I am dating a JW and he wants to get married and have children but I am already a mother who loves to celebrate holidays with my child.

We have discussed the topic but we are at a standstill because if we have children he doesn't want them to be involved in any holiday traditions.

Being a mother who already has these traditions with my child, I don't think it would be fair for my child to celebrate holidays and our unborn child to not have the chance to be included. He says he would take our child to do special things on those days but it would still break my heart to not have our whole family included. I am okay if my partner decides to not be involved in the traditions but when you bring our kids into it, that's a different story. I wouldn't want to take holidays away from my child who is almost 9 years old, I think that would make him really sad, and wouldn't want to have our future child feel left out.

There are so many amazing things about our relationship and I want to spend my life with this person but this one thing is getting in the way and I don't know how to go about it.

Any advice would be greatly appreciated!

Thank you (:

karter

M0m3, The religion will always come before you and your children and anyone else.

Dating someone who is not a J.W sounds like hes not a very good J.W as thats not aloud....." Marry only within the Lord".

If the religon is getting in the way now imagine how it will be once your married?

Karter.

Incognito

Welcome to the forum.

Unfortunately, if you continue with your relationship, you will experience a life filled with conflict, opposition, sadness, loneliness and ultimately, regret.

The things Karter mentions above, are only the tiny tip of a very large iceberg.

DesirousOfChange

You are dating a dishonest man. You can be certain he hasn’t told any of his JW friends or family that he is dating a “worldly” woman. He is breaking his vow to his God and to his religion by dating you, (even MORE SO if you’re having pre-marital sex) so what makes you think he will remain faithful in a vow to you?

If he is no longer a believer, or if he is ignoring all the rules that he has vowed to keep to his God, then he is also too weak of a man (pussy) to stand up and say it’s wrong. Instead, he’s sneaking around living the double life. Yet, it sounds like once you are married he expects YOU to live by the JW rules?

Tread carefully.

Ding

You are already seeing the red flags.

They won't go away unless he leaves the Watchtower.

Even then, he may still feel the same way about many things because of the depth of the indoctrination.

If he chooses his religion over you and your children, respect his choice and leave.

AudeSapere

Hello MOm3

THIS: I wouldn't want to take holidays away from my child who is almost 9 years old, I think that would make him really sad, and wouldn't want to have our future child feel left out.

I was 9 when my parents joined the JWs decades ago. All holidays stopped, visits with large extended non-jw family became rare and then when I turned 18 we moved cross-country. I still feel left out often.

Thank you for thinking of how a drastic change like this would affect your child.

As for your 'future' child, Holidays are not just the one day. It's the lead-up and the prep and the routine and the planned time with family. BF's suggestion to just take the child away for a few hours or a day is not practical. It is not a healthy plan for either child.

I 100% agree with the posters who have already commented on your thread.

100% agree. We have lived it and have seen it played out 1000's of times in personal lives and thru virtual discussions online.

For other opinions and stories, here is a compilation of prior threads/discussions on this same theme:

The Best of... I'm married to or dating a JW (jehovahs-witness.com)

For a long time we had a moderator here who curated notable threads by topic. It has not been maintained for over 10 years, I think, but the old discussions are still valid.

Also, some of the contributors on those old threads have posted updates to their stories but those updates are not linked in the 'Best of' Series. If interested in follow-up, you can search their more-recent posts.

Welcome to JWN/JWD. There is a tremendous amount of experience documented here and a (mostly) kind and knowledgeable group that still post.

-Aude

fred1

Remember the Watchtower forbids blood transfusions. Think of your 9 year old and what might happen if they needed a blood transfusion.

It's your choice - listen to the previous comments.

Mike

stan livedeath

i wonder why this JW man is dating a non jw woman ?

now let me guess.

FedUpJW

I am dating a JW

Stop. Now. Run.

joe134cd

Ask yourself this? With a relationship that has so many amazing things about it, and a person who you want to spend the rest of your life with. Why did you choose to discuss this with a bunch of anonymous posters, and not go and discus this issue with him or his congregation elders.

My personal advice is run to the mountains as fast as you can and don’t look back.

Non JW parent dating a JW who wants children

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