Carla - Not former Is correct, you are an absolute gem to post regardless and I'm so very sorry you and your children have had to experience all of this. I know how painful it is to see your child really hurt by a family member😞
Non JW parent dating a JW who wants children
by M0m3 52 Replies latest members private
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carla
Thanks Diogenesister!
Here is another reason not to get involved with jw's- you really must try to keep up with jw nonsense just so you can understand your jw at times. An example- my previous post is only 2 months old but due to nu-lite I must stand corrected on the facial hair thing. Oh yeah, don't forget that your jw now doesn't have to wish you dead before the big A because now you too can repent at the last minute, accept all things jw and spend an eternity in dubland! doesn't that sound great?
Luckily my kids turned out wonderful in spite of all of it, though I can still see the hurt at times. Then again we get to giggle and smile knowing smiles when he slips up and says bad word or something.
Living through this I can have compassion for the diehard jw's who's spouse decides to leave and how scary that must seem to the jw. I know because I felt just as scared when my joined the cult.
Just a silly daily comparison- A good movie to choose from but is R rated (not for sex but say, prison escape or some violence or based on true story, at any rate not soft porn)
Previous in jw household- "nope, we can't watch it, R rated" end of story.
Now one is still jw and one found the courage to leave- "how about this movie it is R rated but seems ok" - jw- what is wrong with you!!! you have become worldly" and runs for cover to cry in the bathroom.
In previous both worldly people- "how about this movie? (no mention of rating) Spouse- "just as long as the kids are in bed because it has some heavy topics or so I have read"
Now one is jw one is ubm- jw scrolls through movies and hovers over kids movies because there are so many R rated movies. Ubm suggests a movie and jw only looks at rating before saying no. As a side note- even some kids movies are now 'bad' due to magic or God knows what.
One last thing- lying, jw's lie all the time, get used to it. They tend to lie about stupid things and they feel vindicated due to theocratic warfare. They will lie about where they are going to try and spare your feelings because they know you may get upset or not approve of their jw activities and will lie to 'protect' the peace. They know they are lying, you know they are lying and so it goes. Funny, they will even attempt to hide jw clothing so you don't have to see it all the time. Not for regular meetings but maybe for odd meetings or fs. Mine apparently did not get the memo he does not have to keep hours? or he is die hard and is going to super dub anyway!?
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NotFormer
Carla, when you say he tries to hide his JW clothing, do you mean a suit🧥🎩 and tie 👔? Why would he feel the need to hide that? It's just a suit. Lots of people wear them. It's not like it's an obvious uniform like being in the armed forces, for Pete's sake!
Or does he have a lot of t-shirts 👕 with "JW.org is Cool!" written on them? 😁😸
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Riley
When you are women , you have all the power when it comes to the children and if you are not united in the faith , your children will hate the religion ( if they don’t already ).
Dating a JW isn’t the best move but as a women you are in a better position than a non JW man married to a JW women when it comes to legal matters.
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Riley
If he is dating a women with children , I am pretty sure his opposition to your worldly traditions is already lip service to begin with. Especially if you already sleeping together ( none of my business).
The part that scares me is he might be looking at you and your children as hours for his field service . Prior to not having to report time , I would really question his motives being with you.
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NotFormer
If this was a real person with a real concern, we're unlikely to hear from her again. If she takes the advice offered to her here, and leaves the bloke, then she has no further need to hang around here. If she decides to double down and follow her emotions and marry him anyway, she won't be wanting to hear from all the "negative Nancies" on here.
Carla, it must have been hard for you and the kids when "your" JW converted. In the first place, you married him, not the WT. Then he went off and "married" the organisation , committing a sort of "spiritual bigamy", a new marriage with its own set of rules that in his eyes trump the previous vows. It's all oddly weird.
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Scully
1. Welcome to the forum.
2. You are here because you are seeing red flags. Good for you for paying attention to them.
3. He is leading a double life. He should not be dating a non-JW, and definitely not being intimate before marriage.
4. Ask yourself, if he is lying about you (keeping you a secret) to his JW family and friends, what is he NOT disclosing to you. Has he been Disfellowshipped™ or has he Disassociated™ from the religion? If he is in either category, he is being shunned by JWs, including family members who are JW. He knew the rules and the consequences. If he cannot find a partner in the religion (because of being DFd or DAd) how certain are you that he won't end the relationship as a condition of being allowed to return to the flock?
5. Have you met his family? If not, and he's talking about how HE wants to raise a child that you may one day have together, RED FLAG.
6. How long have the two of you been involved? If this is a whirlwind romance, please be careful.
7. Get a background check done on him. Seriously. Protect your assets, your bank accounts and credit cards. Look at the sex offender registry for your province/state. Protect your child. Some people claim to be JW to hide criminal activity. Hire a private investigator if you can afford to do it. If he is a charlatan, it's better to know sooner rather than too late.
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Diogenesister
Scully Get a background check done on him. Seriously. Protect your assets, your bank accounts and credit cards. Look at the sex offender registry for your province/state. Protect your child. Some people claim to be JW to hide criminal activity. Hire a private investigator if you can afford to do it. If he is a charlatan, it's better to know sooner rather than too late.
Absolutely this ^^^^
It had escaped my notice that you already have a child. We know how many JWs have an 'unnatural interest in kids', let's say. It's believed from ARC statistics at least one per Cong. Since this man is already breaking (pretty major) watchtower rules, but claims he wants to involve his future child in the religion - well that to me is a red flag in this regard ... So yes. Background check.✅
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EmptyInside
As someone born into the religion, no, it's not fair to deny children normal celebrations such as ,the day they were born.
But, it's more than that, Jehovah's Witness children have to stand out as different from their classmates. They can't get involved in school activities, because they have to go to meetings and door knocking.
And it's frowned upon to attend a university after graduating high school.
Witness children don't have the normal coming of age experiences that their peers do. While some seem mature beyond their years, in many ways being raised that way stunts their emotional growth.
I'm speaking from personal experience. It's your business if you continue to date a Witness. But, he really isn't practicing what he preaches by dating a non-Witness. So why is he so hard pressed to make his "not even conceived children" follow all the rules ,when he doesn't . It seems rather hypocritical to me.
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M0m3
Hey guys... LMAO I'm definitely not trolling. I haven't checked this thing in a while and didn't think I would get so much feedback. I am hearing everyone out. I am so confused about a lot of stuff and trying to figure it out. We have talked more about everything, came down to me telling him I don't want kids. Not sure if it is going to work out. At least not for marriage. Oh well.. thanks for all your advice, I really appreciate it. Would reply with more but about to get my son into bed. Maybe I'll respond with more details next time. I have sincerely enjoyed reading all of your comments (: