Almost a year later, and I am still angry...

by DanTheMan 25 Replies latest jw friends

  • ESTEE
    ESTEE

    (((((Dantheman)))))

    Awwww...Dan, I sure feel for ya. What the b*tch did was just plain mean.Soooooo not fair to you. Your anger is valid. Those things take time to heal from. I remember the incident you refer to. For what it's worth ... I have no problem believing you.

    Scully said it all really well. She is a smart lady.

    A couple things ...

    One ... what goes around comes around. I figure what the b*tch did is gonna come around and bite her in the a$$ when she wants a promotion or a move. "Cuz I'm sure there is stuff in her file about the incident. What employer is gonna want to take a chance and work with her. She is not trustworthy. She is a loose cannon in the workplace as far as I'm concerned. "Reporting" you the way she did is something very uncomfortable that she has to live with for a loooooong time to come.

    Two ... Other ladies in the workplace know you are not the way the b*tch portrayed you, I feel sure.

    ((((((More hugs for Dantheman)))))

    ESTEE

  • Reborn2002
    Reborn2002

    Dan-

    My heart really goes out to you. I know what it is like to be accused of something you did not do, and to suffer for it, only to be vindicated later. That is why I specifically stated earlier that sometimes the right thing to do seems so simple but it is truly the hardest thing you have ever done in your life.

    It certainly complicates matters that you work with this woman and are forced to see her every day. Is it at all possible that you can seek different work hours, or pursue a change in employment? It sounds as if new scenery would do you some good. Believe in yourself and stay strong. Only you can make changes happen.

    Good luck, and keep us posted.

  • freedom96
    freedom96

    A friend of mine was accused of sexual harrassment, and it took nearly two years to find out what happened. During which time, he was fired, as accumulated nearly $200,000 in attorney's fees.

    In the end, it was proven, and the women admitted, that they made the whole thing up, because they were pissed off about a raise that didn't happen.

    It is scary what can happen when people just accuse others of something. Even the innocent can get screwed.

  • DanTheMan
    DanTheMan

    Littletoe, yes, that is a good way of looking at it!

    Pat, thanks, your sympathy is appreciated.

    Estee, actually for the most part she is well-liked at work.

    Reborn, I am seeking a change of employment, I don't want to leave the company but there are other departments in my building where I wouldn't have to see her nearly as often if at all, also there are other locations.

    freedom96, in these hyper-litigious times, companies are so paranoid about this stuff. It's a wonder I didn't get fired, I would've taken it to court if I had been though. $200,000 - that's quite a chunk of change, I hope things worked out in the end for your friend.

  • Scully
    Scully

    Dan, please check your PMs.

  • seeitallclearlynow
    seeitallclearlynow

    Dear Dan the Man,

    I thought it was only in California - so now I know - Ohio (and the Midwest?) also has extreme anti-harassment laws for the workplace too. Or maybe in this case, it's specifically your company.

    Whatever the case, I can't see it any other way but that YOU WON! You won, man! 10 days with pay, though you were suffering emotionally the whole time (come to think of it, that's pretty awful). But after that much investigation, interviewing, interrogation of your co-workers while you were gone, and still you were vindicated - that speaks volumes in your favor and should actually make the girl feel pretty angry, not you!

    You have contended with her and you have won.

    Now let her be to you just another person fighting her own obvious inward battles.

    If any of those people wanted you gone, YOU WOULD HAVE BEEN GONE. And you don't know, she may be their target now, and they're just waiting for the opportunity to give the trouble maker the boot. I'm sure most companies don't adore those employees who cause them to waste so many man hours "looking into a matter."

    I have seen quite a number of people terminated almost on the spot, within a few days usually, for things of this sort, and it's quite possible that, in your case, in view of the fact that you were paid while they did what they had to do, they were just going through the motions required by the prevailing Human Resources environment in this country (certainly in CA), and they were on your side the whole time.

    Please take it as a victory, with no dark cloud hovering. It's over! Congrats.

    (((Lady Lee, calling Lady Lee : ) )))

  • DanTheMan
    DanTheMan

    Scully, thanks for the information.

    seeitall,

    Whatever the case, I can't see it any other way but that YOU WON! You won, man! 10 days with pay, though you were suffering emotionally the whole time (come to think of it, that's pretty awful).

    You have contended with her and you have won.

    Yes, I do think that her expectation was that I would be fired, so I did feel vindicated that at least some people saw things my way. But I think there is some stigma attached to my name at my workplace, so I don't feel like a complete winner. And yes, those 10 days were hell on earth, I felt like my whole future was hanging in the balance.

    they were on your side the whole time.

    Actually I think it was a very difficult decision for them, as my suspension kept dragging on and it was only after several phone calls with the HR guy where I was practically begging for mercy that they let me come back.

  • Sentinel
    Sentinel

    Dan, I remember when you first told us about your experience. I thought it was just horrible what you had to go through. My hubby was having a similar situation on his job because this woman was really coming on to him--being very suggestive, leaving him notes, etc. He would come home and tell me that he never gave her the time of day, only greeted her like normal. He had known her for years because they had worked in the same office for a very long time. She was hired after him and is twelve years younger. He knew her when she was single, when she got married, when she had her kids, and then how unhappy she was in her marriage. He helped her with her computer problems, which is his job, and she took his helpfulness and courtesy for something else.

    She knew he was married, and in fact I had met her a couple times over the years. She treated me badly when we were re-introduced three years ago. It was then that I knew for certain she had an agenda. At first hubby said that he didn't think she "was that kind of person"; but gradually he began letting me know things that she had said to him--very personal things, and questions she had asked him, about whether or not he was happily married. I did manage to convince him that he really needed to watch himself because she had her sights on him, and this made him a nervous wreck. He admitted to me that he was rather flattered at first, but then he realized what power a woman had and how she could misuse it and cause him problems.

    Every day hubby would be so stressed out on the job, because she was spreading things around in the office and the rumor mill was beginning. He wanted me to know there was absolutely nothing to it, but that he didn't know what to do. He told me that he guessed he would have to be very curt with her and not even make eye contact. I encouraged him to speak to his supervisor, but he said it would be too humiliating. Since that time, she suddenly quit her position, but was later re-hired into a position which actually placed her over the entire office my husband is in. Talk about intimidation. The thing is, she is basically so busy in her new job, that they don't have that much to discuss so she isn't in his office first thing every morning and calling him, etc. I think she may have moved on to greener fields--but I'm leery.

    However, at the recent office Christmas party, she stood by and glared at me the entire time we were there. She never once spoke to my husband, which was fine. Before we left, we practically bumped into each other, and she coyly said "do I know you?", and I said oh yes, of course, we have met and you do know my husband. Like a snake she said, "oh, now how could I have forgotten that?" and turned and walked away.

    My hubby tells me that she really hates men in general, so she flaunts herself around, flirting and carrying on just to see how far she can get. Women like that are dangerous.

    I understand how upset and angry you are to be placed in this situation--especially since she has already made trouble for you. Have you ever thought about just leaving there and seeking a new job? I know that it is difficult to do something like that, but if it would help you to move past this experience, then I'd at least think about it.

    /<

  • lauralisa
    lauralisa

    Hey, Dan !

    I remember this event very well also. What that twerpy female cost your business during that ordeal -

    your "paid vacation" *ha*
    time taken for "interviews" during working hours
    lost productivity while everyone "wondered" wtf was going on?????
    etc.

    It adds up, and I'm sure it was not insignificant in terms of money.

    What it cost YOU....... what I'm reading just enrages me. I'm so saddened to hear that you're suffering so. When you get it all figured out, (I'm being facetious here) please let me know, because virtually everyone I've known, including myself, who's been "betrayed" in this manner can not forget easily and carries the damage for a long time.... depression, suspicion, lost esteem and dignity, et al.

    The only thing that happens to lift my spirits (I MOVED to this stuck in the 50's mentality little town for a job that turned sour in no time at all - my ex-employers are dysfunctional alcoholics - but they are RICH.. you know the rest) is to FIND people who know the truth of the matter and hold me in high esteem. Of course, that is difficult when you simply can not go blabbing sordid crap all over the place to anyone who will listen. *sigh*

    And my mantra has been for years: "Living well is the best revenge" - Estee and others touched on that; time reveals the truth of the matter but sometimes it takes so freakin LONG it's sickening, huh?

    Hope you get a break here, and soon..... is there any recourse at ALL that you could take at work to "clear" your name at least in your OWN mind?

    Lots of warm hugs, lauralisa

  • DanTheMan
    DanTheMan

    Sentinel, wow, that was a real ordeal your hub went through. Yes, some women can be snakes for sure. I always had been very naive and trusting when it came to dealing with the opposite sex, but that ordeal destroyed what were probably childish notions of women being holier than men.

    I have been trying very hard to get a different job without having to change companies. But I think it may be time to start looking at the classified ads to see what else is out there.

    LL,

    When you get it all figured out, (I'm being facetious here) please let me know, because virtually everyone I've known, including myself, who's been "betrayed" in this manner can not forget easily and carries the damage for a long time.... depression, suspicion, lost esteem and dignity, et al.

    Lost self-esteem and dignity - that probably describes it best. I know that time heals all wounds, but this one is taking too long, and seeing her opens it up fresh every day.

    "Living well is the best revenge"
    Agreed. BTW, when are you going to be visiting Columbus????

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