Further adventures with Mom

by Mulan 14 Replies latest jw friends

• 

  jeffory

  Mulan,
  It sounds like your mother is a real pill. I know you still love her but what a thing to have to deal with.
  My father and I have always had a love hate relationship, He knows all the buttons to push and when the mood strikes He dosen't hesitate to push. The good thing is that he now lives in Arizona . We see him once or twice a year but now with advancing age we are thinking of moving down there . I have mixed feelings, but He was always there for me durng some pretty rough times [30 years ago] , a "good" JW parent would have disowned me yet in spite of our strained relationship he was there.
  Its only during the last 2 years of reflection that I have been able to see that.
  When She is gone I know you will be glad you acted with respect towards her even if it was'nt returned.
  jeffory
• 

  Mulan

  Thanks Jeff. You are right. I don't want any regrets, so I try to be respectful. I only wish she would respect me. My father lives with us now, and we have a good relationship. I have to say, that he was always there for us, and still is. The one regret we both have (my brother and myself) is that he didn't correct her bad, selfish, behaviour years ago. He regrets it too, but said she was too difficult to handle. When Mom and her husband lived in Oregon for two years, in the early 90's, it was the most peaceful time of my adult life.
• 

  teejay

  Mulan,

  Please understand… I knew when I responded to your post (and every
  other post that every other person writes) that I didn't, don't, and won't
  ever have the whole story. When I read that your mom stuck her
  fingers in her ears… well… that told me a lot about her and made me
  very aware that there was a lot you weren't saying. I respect you
  for that.

  I didn't mean to say what you should do, only what you should think
  about doing. No, my mom and yours are different, that goes without
  saying. I think I would have the same frustration if my mother talked
  about her religion and I was expected to do all the listening all the
  time. I don't have a ready answer for your problem. I was just stating
  an opinion and a couple of personal experiences.

  I really hope that I didn't step on your toes, cause that wasn't my
  intention at all. Like I said before, I think you are a sensitive person
  (from what I've read from you in the past) and offending people like
  you is the last thing I want to do. When I close my posts with "peace"
  it's because that is what I want from every single person I encounter,
  whether here on the board or in the real world. I believe in living and
  letting live. I believe you want the same.

  As far as being jealous of my mother, don't be. There are issues that I
  still have with Mama that stem directly from the religion, and as with
  you, you won't ever know my whole story, either. I don't think they
  will ever be resolved, and maybe they don't need to be. We all have
  things that we have to deal with with our folks. It seems to be built in,
  a part of "family."

  One thing I know: many of the pillars of my youth are now gone, and
  I'm trying to take advantage of whatever good times I may have with
  those that are still here in the time that remains. Religion has been a
  very divisive force in my family, and since putting down the blinders I
  have no further intention of letting it continue to be in my life. I hope
  the same for you.

  Friends?

  peace,
  todd
• 

  Mulan

  Todd. Definitely not offended. I appreciate the advice, and it does correct me, and bring me back to a rational viewpoint. The only one on this board who has ever offended me is Fred Hall. Thanks again.
• 

  waiting

  hey Mulan,

  My mother was not a jw - but we could only disagree quietly for about 5 minutes before she'd blow up. That was her limit. Thus, walking on eggshells was the average way of dealing with her.

  My mother-in-law is a devout jw of 80 years, but still can think, especially about money. The locals have used hers and her land for almost the entire 80 years.

  She came to me recently with my subsciption renewal forms. She told me "if you don't want to contribute for them, I will." I really didn't want her to, and I didn't want to either, since they're supposed to be free.

  I filled out forms, gave them to her and asked her if the magazines are free to anyone who would like to read them. She said yes. I said I did not want to contribute to the "worldwide work of the WTBTS," but wanted to read the magazines. I would subscribe - but only if she did not contribute for me. She mumbled and shuffled her feet - and I asked her - "why do you contribute for them if they're free? The Society is getting your money - and contributions for the worldwide work because you're not supposed to keep them, right?"

  She agreed - but talked about "cost of printing" which I then asked again - "are the WT & Awake free magazines?" She said yes - and she wouldn't make a contribution for me. And laughed.

  Some people may have spiritual blinders on - but money still clicks.

  cheap waiting