Striking Out On My Own (page 2)

Saethydd

I didn't mean damned literally, I meant it in the sense that I am going to shunned and gossiped about no matter how I go about leaving, so I might as well make my reasons abundantly clear instead of letting them smugly imagine me to merely be someone who was too weak. Perhaps mine will become a story that gets someone thinking for themselves.

As far as being literally doomed I find myself extremely skeptical of anyone who claims to represent a deity including the Bible itself so the JW threat of being destroyed in God's wrath doesn't trouble me anymore than going to hell for not being a Muslim troubles a JW.

Rainbow_Troll

Man, I wish I had planned ahead like you did before I left. Congratulations on NOT being an emotional, impulsive apostate! My own parting of ways with the WT was sprung on me, but I did nothing in terms of preparation after I'd been exposed.

I think you should write the letters. It will be good to know that your friends and family know exactly where you stand even if they choose to distort your words through the fun house mirror that is Watchtower dogma. Hopefully they will keep those letters and one day their message will sink in.

Pete Zahut

I'm sort of on the fence about the idea of drawing a line in the sand with a letter that may come back to haunt you later for reasons you can't identify at this point in time. Then again, I like the idea of a Disfellowshipped person"owning it" and not slinking away into the wild blue yonder without having his or her say.

If you'd care to, I for one would be interested in seeing your letter before you send it. There's a lot of clever people on this forum who will likely have valuable input to help you through this life changing move you're about to make.

Either way, you know your situation best and it sounds to me like you're sort of relieved to have a plan.

Just curious...did your Mom bring up the topic of "reinstatement then fading" coincidentally or does she know that was your intended plan at first? I can't imagine you'd have told her that was what you were thinking of doing.

Saethydd

Just curious...did your Mom bring up the topic of "reinstatement then fading" coincidentally or does she know that was your intended plan at first? I can't imagine you'd have told her that was your plan

No, something got her talking about my cousin who got reinstated along with his wife about six months before I got disfellowshipped. They went to the meetings for awhile and then slowly stopped going. They live next door to us so she and my sister also noticed that my cousin and his wife started spending time with "worldy people" (the horror.)

Then she decided to that his intention must have been to go inactive the whole time and said that she didn't want me to do that, she does know that I'm having doubts about the Organization (among other things), but I haven't made a firm stand on it yet, I didn't want to do that until I had some other place to go in case I got kicked out, so I've kept the depth of my doubts and research to myself.

tepidpoultry

Regarding letters,

My own choice is to say nothing,

I hate my own words being twisted,

People are going to say what they WILL,

They don't need my help to seed their talk,

But that's just me,

I wish you all the best,

Please stay in touch,

:0)

Xanthippe

Well done! I want to say I feel very proud of you even though I don't know you, l think you're very brave. Good luck on your job search (my daughter is at college and starts that soon). You are very intelligent and have a bright future ahead of you.

StephenMyers

Well done for securing a place to rent. And it's admirable that you're reaching out to friends and family and leaving the door open to contact you.

This way WT can't spin it and say it was your decision to shun, just your decision to leave WT not your family and friends

Half banana

Well done for making progress in finding a place to live and having a strategy for disengagement with the JW org.

It sounds like you want to make your case clear to your family by writing to them and since you know your situation better than we do, it probably will sort out those in sympathy with you and clarify your position. If you went back to get reinstated followed by a fade; surely that would be giving some credit to the non-existent JW authority? Is that why your mother favours it...or can she not bear the shame of her offspring being being d/f? And what a time wasting palava to go through reinstatement!

Hold your head high, you have done no wrong to disagree with a harmful cult.

Although not knowing your age, there are three things, might I suggest, which will be important for you to have: positive thinking non JW friends, a good educational attainment and a goal (or in your case a target!)

pale.emperor

You're doing the right thing. Im only 10 months out and if i could do it again there are a few things i'd do differently. Im with you on the letter writing, i don't write any but i did send txts to my family explaining my beliefs and WT's cult features and that i wish them no harm or ill.

Don't hold out any hopes of a normal family relationship in the future though. It'll only get you more and more frustrated. Don't tell them anything about your new life whether it be good or bad. Because they'll latch onto the bad and say "see what happens when one leaves Jehovah's organization".

This next year is gonna have so many changes but SO worth it i can tell you.

Giordano

Back in the mid nineteen sixties, when my wife and I decided to disassociate....... one would not be shunned. That didn't start until 1980-81 when they wanted to discredit and isolate Ray Franz.......... How did that work out for them?

This is the pattern of the Society over it's history........ especially in the Judge Rutherford & Knorr eras and now with their super hero's....... the GB.

Obedience first, separate and then destroy the reputations of those that leave. It is also the pattern of the Amish, Mormons, Scientologists, and of course the Catholics with their past history of the Inquisition and excommunication.

There are three approaches to an exit.

#1 Do a fade. That door seems closed now. JW's are fools but a lot of them are not.Your mom is on to you.

#2 Go out with a bang, big time letter, a lot of good arguments that will not, in general, move a single JW.

Why? Because this is a club and it's due's paying membership and their good standing counts for more then a non believer's truth.

#3. Move out...... say goodbye to your close family relationships and count yourself lucky because you will no longer be in their pathetic lives or under their influence. I know....... it's Mom and Dad....Sis & Bro...it's been your life....unfortunately if you don't think as they do....... they think less of you.

So you know what's coming. You leave and the shunning begins. Your words will not change anyone because they have not gone through the mental process you have. Until they are deeply hurt by the religion or have the capacity to look at another viewpoint they will not see what you are telling them. Tell them your door is always open to them and say goodbye.

I experienced the opposite......... which led to forty years of shit kicking arguments about doctrines, beliefs and the 'friends' most of whom are now dead, or forgotten or ....never mind......it's all in the wind now.

And Yes I know what it was to be looked up to as a 'Golden Boy'....... a poster child for the WTBT$. But the payoff of fading was Forty years of visiting Mom and my uber JW sister......... forty years of watching everything I said so my wife and son would not be exposed to the ego enforcing JW construct.

Looking back...... I shouldn't have spent the time or effort to change their minds. I should have pursued my education, developed important relationships and a career. I did manage those things but what a waste of time a JW family is. Among most JW's a blood relationship doesn't count on it's own merits.

Living a great life is your only option and it's a hell of a good one.

Striking Out On My Own

Share this