When will the guilty feeling of leaving the Org go away? i am feeling at my lowest point right now, and its terrible. This after visiting my parents and feeling that awkward tension building between us. They know that we celebrated my son's 2 year birthday yesterday, but i couldnt be totally completly honest with them and come out and say it, for fear that i would dissapoint them and get a preached to. Why cant i just be strong enough to tell them that i want nothing to do with the WT, and that i am choosing to live live my life on my own terms, not what someone else maps out for me. When does it get to be my own life, and not feel that guilt hanging over me that i left god. When will that nagging little voice in the back of my head stop telling me that im doing the wrong thing and that i didnt have enough faith. Are these feelings just part of getting out in the beginning, or will i always have them? Thanks for reading this if you got this far, i guess i am just so scared that i am doing the wrong thing, even though my mind and heart are telling me that i am right, cause so many things just dont add up, and i know that, but being raised in the org does something to you, its like a safety net, its the only thing you've known your whole life and now its changed, i thought it would be an easy transition, boy, was i wrong.
When does it get better?
by MonkeyPrincess 23 Replies latest jw friends
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Robdar
Hello MP,
You are asking yourself the questions that we all will have to find an answer for. You've come to the right place to start answering those questions and to ease your transition. I hope that you don't mind, I have decided to cut and past your questions because it is getting late:
Why cant i just be strong enough to tell them that i want nothing to do with the WT, and that i am choosing to live live my life on my own terms, not what someone else maps out for me.
Since they know that you celebrated your son's second birthday yesterday, it seems to me that you are doing a fine job in telling them. These things do take time. Be gentle with yourself.
When does it get to be my own life, and not feel that guilt hanging over me that i left god. When will that nagging little voice in the back of my head stop telling me that im doing the wrong thing and that i didnt have enough faith.
It took me years to let go of the guilt. I let it go when I discovered this forum. It has opened my eyes to the truth about the truth. If you stick around here long enough, you will realize that it is the WTS that should be feeling guilty. Guilty because they have blood on their hands. Keep reading and be prepared for the anger that you will sometimes feel. Believe me, the anger and sense of betrayal will help you get rid of any guilty feelings that you may have in leaving that evil, evil organization.
Are these feelings just part of getting out in the beginning,
Yes.
or will i always have them?
No.
Thanks for reading this if you got this far, i guess i am just so scared that i am doing the wrong thing, even though my mind and heart are telling me that i am right, cause so many things just dont add up, and i know that, but being raised in the org does something to you, its like a safety net, its the only thing you've known your whole life and now its changed, i thought it would be an easy transition, boy, was i wrong.
You are doing the right thing. Hang in there. Welcome to the forum.
Robyn
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RAYZORBLADE
(((Monkey Princess))) - I must concur with Robdar.
The transition is not easy in the beginning, but still it takes a great deal of strength to do what you did. You may not think so now, but in time, you'll see what I mean.
Even one baby step outside or away from the WTS, is a mile.
It does get better with time, and without copy/pasting Robdar's remarks, I'd say she's summed it up perfectly.
We're here for you.
Hugs,
Rayzorblade -
yxl1
Repeat after me, “I am NOT doing the wrong thing”
It takes some of us a long time to get rid of those feelings of guilt and betrayal and for some it will never go away. That is why sites like this are such a great help. My sisters and I felt the same way for years after leaving and it wasn’t until I did my own research on the Witnesses (www.freeminds.org) that the feelings of guilt, imminent death, and betrayal vanished. Once you have the real truth, you will not feel bad, but it takes time. Brainwashing takes time to undo because you’ve been taught to think in a certain way for (probably) a long time.
For example, my younger brother has just been released from jail and when I met him, he told me he was thinking of returning to the meetings. I reminded him on how they publicly humiliated him from the platform while still a minor without informing mum, but that didn’t matter. His reason? He didn’t want to die at the big A. After a few discussions, and showing him printouts from this site and others, he now knows the truth and for the first time he feels free from theocratic guilt.
Your parents will not and probably will never understand your choices, but you are an adult with a child and the welfare of that child comes first. Others on this site will probably be able to give you better advice on how to deal with your parents, but just remember…You are doing the right thing.
Good luck to both of you.
Yxl1 -
Xandria
i guess i am just so scared that i am doing the wrong thing, even though my mind and heart are telling me that i am right, cause so many things just dont add up, and i know that, but being raised in the org does something to you, its like a safety net, its the only thing you've known your whole life and now its changed, i thought it would be an easy transition
Monkey Princess,
I can understand exactly how you feel. You must realize you are coming out of entire life style and mind set. You are re-learning a lot and you will struggle with the old mindset and the new. It is not easy. Give yourself some time and space. Allow yourself to grieve, feel and get it out of your system some.
http://www.jehovahs-witness.com/6/60467/1.ashx This may help some and know many of us here have gone through the same feelings. Being raised in the org does condition you to guilt. We also been raised to think about what people think of you and allowing it to shape your decision patterns.
My Grandmother on my father's side, said something very profound to me once.
Una vida vivió en el temor no vive en todo.
A life lived in fear, is not living at all.
We had lived in fear of not doing this right or that right. Questioned ourselves to the point of being dependent and fearful of making a wrong decision lest we feel the "Wrath of Jehovah." When really it was the wrath of the WTS. You are in a very hard process right now. Rebuilding your life and actually learning to LIVE. Just know we are here and can understand exactly how you are feeling right now.
Be gentle with yourself and don't beat yourself up too much. Remind yourself it is a process. Each bit of living is a step further from the towers control and going forth a free person to choose.
Take Care,
X.
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Maverick
I felt as you do for a couple of years. Then I read Steve Hassans book on Mind Control Cults. Now this book NEVER mentioned JW's at all. But one of the points he brought out was that cults will use "Exit Phobias" to cower people into not leaving or causing them emotional pain if they do!
The exit phobia that is instilled in every JW is, "This is God Orginization, and if you leave us it is the same as leaving God. And every bad thing that happens to you is God punishing you and in the end....God will KILL you!"
They reinforce this all the time.
Once you realise it is a LIE, Your pain will turn to distain! They are evil! And remember if they had the authority to stone opposers they would and never think twice! Maverick
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JamesThomas
As far as the "guilt hanging over me that I left God", you need go no further than your own heart for healing. You already sense that your heart knows you are doing the "right" thing. Take time to go silently deeper into that sense of rightness within your heart. Your heart contains innate wisdom about God's presence and love, that the JW religion never had. Peace be with you Princess.
j
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calamityjane
I know how you feel. Baby steps are the way to go.
It took me years before I was comfortable shopping in an aisle for xmas decorations, standing at a Hallmark store picking out birthday cards, shopping for my kids valentine cards for them to give out at school.
I'll never forget the time that I ended up in a check out aisle behind my jw mom, with valentine cards, I didn't try to hide them, but it was an awkward situation.
Give yourself some time, don't be so hard on yourself.
love
cj
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acsot
You are doing just fine! Each person heals in his or her own way - you are going about it your way and it does take time. There is a poster here who seems to be exactly at the point I was a year ago. It's quite liberating to see how far I've come in such a short time. You will too.
Steve Hassan's book on mind control should be on your list of things to read. Also, Ray Franz' Crisis of Conscience. I just finished reading it and now I understand why it gets mentioned here a lot!
Try and get hold of Eric Hoffer's "True Believer", a study of mass movements in the 20th century. It's not too long a read, and though its main focus is not religions, it's astounding how many parallels there are to the WTS' evolution and growth and other movements such as Communism.
We lived in a closed world as dubs. When you start learning more and more about WTS history and history in general you'll see that the WTS is not really so unique after all, in the way they control people and achieve uniformity of action and thought. Crisis of Conscience will show you how other religions also teach the same things JWs claim as exclusively their own, paradise earth, no hell, no immortality, etc. Plus the blatant hypocrisy and bloodguilt of the WTS will make you sick. And then believe me, the guilt will go away.
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galaxy7
You are doing the right thing and I beieve you are strong enough to continue on your new path.
The hardest thing I believe for all of us is when we find out the love we thought we were getting was conditional .Find joy in bringing your children up with unconditional love give them the joy of childhood fantasy and the wonder of Christmas,Give them the happiness of birthday parties where they will grow to know they are special in your eyes.Let them love you by making that special card at mothers day.
Show them you are proud of their achievements in THIS world and that there are good people to be found everywhere.Visit other denominations of religion and you will find many believing in god and they are better people than what you have previously been led to believe.
Research the JW beliefs that we here all know is false doctrine.There are many sites on the internet to help you.Fellowship with people here who give unconditional love and have walked this road before you.
It is better to walk hand in hand than alone.It will get better because you are strong enough NOT to let the organization dictate your happiness for the rest of your life.
Be strong for yourself and your family and know all is right with the world you are FREE