How many times I felt the way that you do....
You're doing the right thing. Trust me. I know it's tough.
When does it get better?
by MonkeyPrincess 23 Replies latest jw friends
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talley
It gets better, not just better, but 1000 pounds are lifted off your shoulders and mind after
READING CRISIS OF CONSCIENCE by RAY FRANZ
Scriptural and historic proof that the WTBTS is not God's organization !!!!
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Carmel
Monkey,
There is no stock answer for how long the programing will take to wear off. It depends on many factors including but not limited to: how many family members are still in and how they interact with you, what activities you replace the five hours a week of programing with; how well you find productive things to do for others; what you read; what you do to improve yourself; etc.etc.etc.
That you have come here is a positive, but there are many other things you can do to accelerate the process of flushing the mental toilet of Jdumbdumb. The more you are active mentally and emotionally with healthy activities, the sooner the guilt is replaced with self worth and certitude that you are doing and have done the right thing.
I wish you the best.
carmel
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Special K
Hang in there MonkeyPrincess....
I went through all those same feelings when I left as well.
It isn't easy but it does get better.
MAVERICK mentioned Steven Hassan's book on mind control... a really good book.
His newest book is EXCELLENT as well.. and does mention Jehovah's witness a lot....you could get it at your library and I'm sure that if you read it you would feel more like you are doing the right thing.
It is called
'RELEASING THE BONDS Empowering People to Think for Themselves",,by Steven Hassan
((( Big Hugs to you)))
sincerely
Special K
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Guest 77
MP, greetings. Just keep hanging around this neighborhood and in time things will gradually fall into place. No need to rush. Enjoy the company and the suggestions given. We all have our own lives to live.
Guest 77
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Nosferatu
Exiting is tough, and breaking your parents into your new lifestyle is also tough. They're the ones who told you not to celebrate birthdays. They're the ones who told you when Jehovah was unhappy. However, they're not to blame for teaching you these "truths". They were just passing down what they truly believe in. To do something against someone's personal beliefs makes you feel guilty. You feel like you're insulting them. It's even harder when it's your parents who expect you to follow in their footsteps.
Another thing is you've learned your whole life to please other people; your parents, the elders, others in the congregation, Jehovah. While doing this, you were told not to indulge in selfish acts which basically means DON'T PLEASE YOURSELF. Just please others and everything will be well. That's why you have an incredible amount of guilt. You've never pleased yourself before, and you've been taught that it's wrong.
There's one thing I kept in mind while I was making my exit that I couldn't deny. "Jehovah's Organization is the source of my unhappiness". The org was the one thing causing all my unhappiness - even indirectly. It was delivering it's unhappiness through other people including my parents. The only way to eliminate that unhappiness is to eliminate the source from my life. Once the source is gone from your life, the vehicles it uses to deliver it's unhappiness become irrelevant. Messages are delivered to you, but it doesn't matter because it's no longer a part of your life. It's much like getting letters from an ex after you've been happily married for a few years. Your ex is irrelevant, but the mailbox is still important to recieve other important mail.
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alias
MP,
I could have written 90% of your post. My feelings mirror yours in a large way.
Being raised in the organization and having the type of inner wiring that I do, some things are just more difficult for me than it seems to be for others.
However, I am living life on my terms... I just don't feel the need to declare it in any bold way to my JW family or friends. I am me, and I follow my heart. There are still conflicts which I address every day and work through on my terms, and I figure that I'll get to where I need to be.
I get the "pull back" every so often. I am sorting through everything I've learned and believed. I hope through this journey I'll find some truth and come to a place of acceptance where I can stop feeling unsure or afraid.
You're not alone by any means.
alias
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Draconian
MonkeyPrincess, hang in there. I was never in the JWs but recruiters for cults were a problem on university campuses in the 80's and so in response my university held Cult Awareness Weeks for us.
The book MOONWEBS by Josh Freed spoke of the famous case of "Benji", a Canadian caught in the Reverend Moon's Unification Church (the "Moonies"). It was a silly cult but claimed to be the Only Way, and Benji came to believe the smiling Korean was the return of Jesus Christ, but even after his ordeal and being exit-counselled and returned to normal society, "Benji" still had intense anxieties and guilt over doing anything that contravened the will of "Father" [Reverend Moon]. He had to take time out, live by himself, take it slow, read some anti-cult information but also general "worldly" books and newspapers, for many months to shake that awful feeling. Of course many years afterwards it helped that Moon was arrested for tax-evasion and spent a few years in prison washing dishes, so the "Heavenly Father" tarnished his halo. The hardcore followers that are left will probably work it into the theology as Moon's "martyrdom" period, and so it goes! "Benji's" story was also made into a film called TICKET TO HEAVEN.
Your case is different; it is many years since the founders of the Jehovah's Witness cult. The founders lived pretty ridiculous or objectionable or hypocritical lives, but the machinery of the cult is established and discrediting the founders has less relevance for today. But it helps; their foibles are in government court records and the JWs can't just waltz in and erase history.
But the problem is that the human mind is very, very flexible. It can be trained to do anything. You may be amazed and wonder at those guys who do feats like watch a train go by, add up the serial numbers on all the boxcars and get the total exactly right. It's a fact they can do it, and HOW they did it is a slow painful story of practice and starting with simple things. This flexibility of the brain is an evolutionary trait to help us survive by learning to do any of the things we need to survive, even things we haven't thought that we would need before. I took advantage of it, learned to draw with pencils (and sometimes colored pastels) only this year. It's neat, I do a portrait, they say how long has it been since I've been drawing and they are amazed that I say, "June".
But the human mind can be trained to BELIEVE anything as well, exploiting that same mechanism. By careful steps you were led down a certain path, with an elaborate set of reward/punishment tricks built in. Outsiders can help you rejoin them, you snap out of it back to reality, but you are still hurting because the rewards are gone and the punishments are in full force (that is, since you BELIEVE there was some reward in being a JW in the first place, and likewise the threats and punishments are what you believe in.) What will help is to realize that the apocalyptic calamities or the implied threats of a dire life outside the JWs is an ILLUSION. Life is not so bad among the Great Unsaved, really! :-)
The exit phobia that is instilled in every JW is, "This is God Orginization, and if you leave us it is the same as leaving God. And every bad thing that happens to you is God punishing you and in the end....God will KILL you!"
Someone else mentioned the above. It occurs to me, isn't that just the sort of thing an evil organization bent on DISTANCING people from God might say? The best way for someone to spread evil is claim he is acting ultimately for good, all the evil stuff he is doing is actually for good, and you would understand too if you were only sufficiently educated in the doctrine. It's icky reverse psychology, the wolf in sheep's clothing. Like the Communist who impoverishes and oppresses the common man even as they claim they will uplift him. Now I'm not saying Satan founded the Jehovah's Witnesses, we don't know that for sure, since none of the Jehovah's Witness publications are signed! :-)
As for joining a different religious group, be careful, you are as vulnerable as a lover on the rebound after a break-up. At least join members of a religion who are serious about brotherly love and are, say, a little more easy-going than the JWs.
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Draconian
The guilt about celebrating birthdays is particularly sad. The JW doctrine against celebrating birthdays is ASININE. I'm sure they would cite some twisted interpretation of the Bible to justify it, but you know what you are robbed of when you DON'T celebrate birthdays?
Each person is an individual. A long time ago people lived in monarchies and dictatorships and life was cheap, but now we have a general sense that potentially anybody can do great things regardless of birth and class, given the chance. Lincoln was born in a log-cabin, a big millionaire like Andrew Carnegie (the steel baron of the 19th century) was a dirt-poor immigrant from Scotland but ended up endowing a good number of the United States' public libraries with his charitable donations.
So, potentially, the world is a little better with you in it than without you. I dunno, you MIGHT end up being a mass-murderer, but let's just ASSUME the world's a little better. :-) And since your arrival in the world is a significant step for betterment, it is worth it for your family and friends to commemorate it and say, "Hey! You're here. You've been here for exactly x years and the world is a little better for it. We love you." It doesn't mean you're practicing astrology or some junk and demons will leap into your eyeballs the moment you blow out some candles. Geez!
Christmas, the birthday of Jesus, we don't know exactly when. Most people back then couldn't track the exact day of the year they were born anyway (when you were a primitive or a farmer you were not into calendars of any sort). Dec. 25th will serve as good as any other day. It's cold and dreary and people need cheering up. Never mind overblown stories that Dec. 25th is descended from occult observances. You observe it for your OWN reasons, you're not secretly or unwittingly venerating El Diablo, just like a guy celebrating his own birthday on Sept. 11th is not unwittingly celebrating Muslim terrorism. There's just so many days in the year, evil events share dates with good ones!
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kgfreeperson
I was thinking about why human beings create such demanding and unreasonable gods--are so drawn to the legalistic in religion--the other morning and I had a flash of insight that I've been ruminating on: To me, Jesus's basic message is "now cut that shit out and take care of each other." Unlike Jehovah, Jesus was pretty clear: Feed the hungry, give the thirsty a drink, befriend the newcomer, clothe the naked, visit and comfort the ill and visit those imprisoned. In other words, seek out people who need what you have and give it to them. That is such a strict and demanding discipline that it makes following the 10 commandments look like nothing. It sets such a high standard that people go scurrying back to the scriptures to find what else they can do to please god! Hate homos? Check! Offer constant praise to Jehovah? Check! Condemn people who don't worship correctly? Check! Etc. Etc. This explains a lot to me!