Relationship: Do you hold back from saying all you are thinking?

by Sassy 25 Replies latest social relationships

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  Sassy

  I have become so much more independent and in some ways demanding as I have stopped being a JW. There was a time when I was literally a doormat for my first husband. But I have found from being single and then add to that losing the grip from the JW rules, I have become more independence and in many ways more of an opinion. I am in the awesome relationship right now, the kind that in many ways my dreams have been made of... but yet there is a few areas I hold my tongue because I am afraid if I open my mouth it could ruin things somehow, stop the positive flow we have going..

  Are there times when you hold something in, rather than speak it??
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  stillajwexelder

  Yes - I still believe in the Proverb ? There is a time to speak and a time to keep silent
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  Satans little helper

  I'm alot more chilled out than I ever used to be. After coming out of the dubs and the extreme repression I became very militant when I felt put upon. Now I am more prepared to let things slide and weigh up whether or not it is worth causing an arguement over
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  shera

  All depends,but if I feel the need to express what I am feeling.I say it.
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  Guest 77

  "...do not let your left hand know what your right hand is doing." Matt.6:3

  Guest 77
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  FlyingHighNow

  Are there times when you hold something in, rather than speak it??

  I can be pretty outspoken. Sometimes much to everyone's chagrin. I do keep things to myself a lot though. Some things are better left unsaid or like Stilla reminded, saved for the proper time.

  Heather
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  Euphemism

  Absolutely! If something's not a big deal, or if I know that it will hurt Meia's feelings and there's not really anything that can be done about it, then why say anything?

  OTOH, if it's really bugging me, then I will say something, even if it's petty. It's a lot better to communicate openly than to have resentment slowly building inside.
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  JeffT

  There are certainly times when tact or good taste demands silence.

  This issue came up a few years ago at a men's retreat I attended. The speaker said something like "Do you think you should be absolutely honest with your spouse at all times?" A guy at the back of the room brought the house down with this comment: "You're right honey, that dress makes you look fat."

  Might add personal safety to the above list too.
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  Frannie Banannie

  Absotively posilutely! After all....

  Wisdom is knowing when not to let yer alligator mouth overload yer humminbird behind....

  Frannie B
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  Puternut

  Absolutely not ! The reason you posted this in the first place, is because something is bothering you. And you are looking for direction. If something is not what you want or need, you owe it to yourself to speak up. Just do it at an appropriate time. Be tacful, respectful, and don't be on the offensive side. Look at it from the others viewpoint and speak freely. Just let your partner know what is on your mind, and ask his opinion on the matter. Ask him what and how he feels about it. And see if you both can come to a workable solution. Then respectfully and lovingly make a plan, as to how to obtain what it is you need.

  The saying "there is a time to speak and a time to be quiet", simply means that there is a time when it is not appropriate due to circimstances. But then you still need to address it later, otherwise you will build a wall in the relationship, and that is simply not healthy.

  "Time heals all wounds" is also an old wife's tale. Unless those wounds are tended to, nothing will heal.

  Give it some thought, and you'll be happy you did it.