Relationship: Do you hold back from saying all you are thinking? (page 2)

mouthy

Do you really have to ask that question of ME!!! I would think if you read any of my posts ( I know many dont) You know the answer. When I was a JW "Loving" brothers???? used to say ."Dear Sister Grace-instead of saying what you think ,why not think what you say" Well needless to say... I have not mastered that little assignment- But I am still trying.,

Tashawaa

I have gotten WAY more outspoken in my relationship. I use to be a typical "JW wife" fully in subjection to her husband....

But now, I'm in a great relationship with a younger man. I'm more confident and I do speak my mind. If somethings bothering me, I speak up. He does the same. Speaking whats on your mind, doesn't mean being rude, disrespectful or hurtful - but it does mean being honest. Sometimes, we'll put aside an evening, drink wine and talk. Trust me, by the end of a good two bottles, you're talking about EVERYTHING. We've worked thru alot and I don't feel his loving me, or my loving him is dependant on saying (or not saying) the right thing.

simplesally

It depends on who the relationship is with. Work relationships, I have learned to keep my tongue (some of the time) and learned to say sorry when I have said something in the wrong way. At least I work with men who know I have more experience and the person who is mostly effected when they goof up on the appointments is me........so when I am complaining they realize that what I have to say is right, just I don't always use tact to say it. But we are in a fast paced job and lots of times time is of the essence.

For me, in personal relationships, I have learned to say what I need to say, just not always WHEN I want to say it. What I appreciate is that I am allowed to speak what I have to say and be heard. I sort of felt that if I didn't say anything that I would not risk 'losing' the relationship, but I felt that if I didn't say something, I would risk losing myself. For me, I couldn't keep it to myself if it bothered me. Timing and a calm voice is what is needed when you have to get something off your chest.

Maverick

If you have to ask yourself, "Should I hold my tongue or should I say something about this?" Pass on it!

Unless it is painful in some way, let it go.

I have rarely regretting NOT saying something, but have often regretted not passing on saying something.

There is a reason God gave you a voice in your head that only you can hear! Maverick

Sassy

Thank you for all your coments. I've been contemplating on what I need to do......and puternut I think hit is the closest as far as my situation without my really even saying why I asked the question:

Absolutely not ! The reason you posted this in the first place, is because something is bothering you. And you are looking for direction. If something is not what you want or need, you owe it to yourself to speak up.

he right. I wrote this for a reason.......and yes it is bothering me. So I will talk about it to him......and hopefully at the right time.

Thanks all of you.. I was just so torn up the other day I couldn't think straight.. it helps to see sometimes things in black and white..

smurfette

I think it's definitely a good that you've decided to talk to him about the problem Sassy. It seems like if a person avoids a problem for too long it just winds up festering and becoming an even bigger problem in the long run if it doesn't get addressed right away.

For me, if I don't talk to my husband right away about what's bothering me, I wind up totally going off on him for little stupid stuff and just generally am a big "B" until I deal with whatever the real problem is.

Sassy

for all my 'talk' in the thread about people living together..

maybe this is one of those cases where you have less security how much foundation you have.. I worry that he will think this chick is nuts.. I don't need this drama......

and he probably won't even say this.. it isn't that big of a deal.. but something that does bother me.. I just want to make sure when I bring it up.......that it isn't blown out of proportion..other wise I'll be sorry I didn't keep my mouth shut.

Globetrotter

I really want to tell you..... but I just can't.

Sassy, as long he doesn't hear this, you may be safe. The moment he hears it, or gets the impression that there is something you want to say but don't want to say, the drama has started. You used the word, and while it's good in a descriptive sense, it's not good in practice. I'm not one to see things in black and white too often, and I don't know what's up, but maybe the choices are to just say what is on your mind, or drop it.

simplesally

Sassy, you have to think: are you sacrificing yourself/your heart or just pacifying yourself by not speaking out.

Sassy

I didn't want to sacrifice anything.. that was the thing....

and I did talk to him about this 'thing' last night.. turns out I should have followed my gut and not my heart.. He doesn't understand as much as he wants to.......and I feel like I created a rift between us for the first time. He says I was right to talk to him about it though....and upset I waited a few days to do so.. but I can't help but be sorry I said anything at all.....

I keep telling myself that a good relationship has to suffer and get past some difficulties for it to with stand the really big storms later..

Relationship: Do you hold back from saying all you are thinking?

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