my friend, all you can do is keep trying. jesus did say that some seed lands on rocky soil. but it also finds fertile soil, albeit sometimes only a miniscule patch. could be one parent or the other may have that good "patch of soil" in their heart. not saying they do but you would never know if you stopped trying now would you?
hang in there, it's hard with family that way but being that it's family you have no choice.
mike.
Not sure I can handle the anger anymore
by professor 17 Replies latest jw friends
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Bendrr
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Tanalyst
Professor-"my parents almost literally hate me"
I felt that, my mother was so cruel to me on her deathbed some yrs. ago. I realized she was very gullible,and likewise a programmed robot. And yes it hurt. Looking back I should had a good mentor or shrink to help me out. I suggest the same for you, you'll grow much quicker and learn how to manage your anger.
Maybe you can do things for your parents that will show your unconditional love for them, thereby setting the example for them. "Amazing" has an article over at Freeminds.org on "how I got my family out" Maybe you can ask your folks questions from time to time that will get them to think!
I wish you success as you take 100% control of your life, giving WT. 0 %.
On another note WT. will never get rid of shunning as that's what holds the religion together. If witnesses could talk to apostates,all Wt. lies would be known to all.
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roybatty
Professor,
I haven’t been out for 14 years, just a couple but I know what you’re feeling. I was raised a JW, worked my way through the ranks, married a JW pioneer and lastly became an elder at the ripe old age of 28. Not to long after the lies and falsehood of the WT came to light and I left. Wife divorced me because I was a “spiritual threat” and my family (like yours) shuns me. I still find it hard to believe that my mom especially does this. Even my brother who indirectly works for me shuns me, keeping every conversation that we have to have short and about business. Like you, this anger boiled inside me. What helped me was what a co-worker told me. He said “be nice to them, it’s like a bomb.” At first I had to force myself to be nice. I would greet my brother and other JW family members in a warm way on the rare occasions we saw each other. I even did this to other JW’s I saw around town. The look on their faces! It blew them away! If you act rude toward them or angry, they will say “see! Look at what happens when you leave the truth.” Another thing I did was write a simple letter to my parents telling them that I love them very much and that are always welcome to call me. I also told them of my faith in true Christianity. I’m not a big believer in self-help books but one that was recommended to me and help heal the wounds I had was “The Road Less Traveled.” Check it out. Lots of good info.
Well, if nothing else realize that you aren’t alone. -
professor
Thanks for the comments everyone. To find peace it may be necessary to let go and mourn the loss of my parents now, even though they are not dead.
prof
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JUSTAMOM
Hello Professor
I too feel your pain and agony. It has only been 3 1/2 yrs for my husband and I, but we still shed tears from time to time. Get angry, feel sorry for them, feel pity, and start all over again.
As long as they are loyal to that org they will NEVER understand the TRUE love of the Christ. That he would NEVER deny His flesh. He never even denied his enemies. How much more so family.
LOVE NEVER FAILS
IDENTIFYING MARK IS LOVE
We can be the ones to see above it all and set the example of love despite their rejection. Do not let them change who you are. Rise above it!
They (our families) say they still love us, but this is discipline so we will come back. But 1JOHN 3:18 says to love NOT in word but in DEED!
Feed your enemies and pray for them our master said.
How could they be in that position when they view us as dead.Granted, many live life styles that we may not condone. We can still love them without practicing with them.
ALL we can do is pray for them. If we belong to the lord and are in union and remain in union with him, his love and mercy for us and our feelings may be extented to them.
Sort of like a Rahab situation. She put faith and her WHOLE household was saved on account of ONE person. Do not underestimate the LOVE and MERCY our lord has. We cannot EVEN compare to theirs.
But we MUST remain faithful and endure to the end.There are many who share your pain.
What we have done is try to turn it around to a positive and witness and share with others and be there when they come out also.Ask our lord to use you to his glory and turn your sorrow into gladness!
With much christian love
JUSTA MOM (Kim)
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Mr Angry
Hello Professor.
Some good advice here, but I think I identify most with your last comment and that of Trevor who said "Sometimes you have to bury your parents before they are dead."
Being in my early 30's and out for over a decade I find myself becoming very hard line towards my parents. They continue following the Watchtower not only to the detrement of myself and my wife but of their 3 grandchildren (by us) and their other grandchild by my brother. Sometimes I cannot put into words the contempt I feel for the Watchtower when thinking about the damage it perpetuates within families. I have watched helpless as they put the most trivial Watchtower activity ahead of the most pressing family circumstance. (i.e they insisted they could not help me with ride to the hospital as they had to attend the meeting. This after having received a phone call from the doctor saying my wife who had just 6 hours before given birth to our daughter, was in a life threatening condition and could I get there ASAP and my car had broken down. Absolutely true story too long to detail here. No wonder I call myself MR ANGRY)
IMO any parents who choose to put loyalty to the Watchtower ahead of the natural parental feeling for their offspring are not fit to be called parents; nor are they entitled to make any claim at any time on the parental bond.
Ozziepost above argues quoting Ray Franz that they are all "victims of victims" but rational thought does not always drive human emotion. I am now of the feeling that if the hypothetical situation were to occur that say in a decade from now, my parents were to see the Watchtower for what it is; I might be very hard pressed to offer any forgiveness. Especially when they turn to myself and my brother for support.
In human society there are rules so fundamental that they don't need to be stated. For example the unconditional love of parent to child. The driving of a wedge through it by the Watchtower is abhorrent and my parents concurrence with it a step too far.
They state we "apostates" have made our decision by "turning away from Jehovah" and we must live with that. Fine. By the same token our parents choosing the Watchtower ahead of their family and all its consequences is something they take on themselves. God I have tried for a decade to just meet them half way. They are not interested. So be it.
To you I say: turn your back on them now without guilt. There are better people out there worthier of your love and friendship. And like after a real funeral. It's hard but it does get better and life goes on.
My tuppence worth
Mr Angry
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waiting
hey Mr. Angry
I'm sorry your parents have acted so hard-hearted towards you and your family. There is absolutely no excuse for their lack of loving kindness, whether they believe in God or not. If a neighbor, who they did not know, had asked them the same thing for their wife, I would venture a guess they would have helped him - and given him a Watchtower to show why they were such good people - because of being a jw.
But, thankfully, all jw parents don't behave as such. I met one elder's wife who was soooooo proud of herself for not talking - one word - to her son for over five years. I just left the table.
I was a jw mother who had a df'd daughter. I didn't break my relationship with her. There were other sisters who would whisper to me that they were glad I didn't. Now some of these sisters have df'd daughters - and they're speaking to them also. I talked to different elders about it - some said no speaking, others said it was my choice. I followed the advice of the "my choice" elders.
I am sorry for the behavior of your parents - and hope you can release some of the anger.
waiting
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bsmart
Some really good thoughts here. find it hard to let it go sometimes. I moved away when I left the borg. When the family doesnt see you too often they seem more friendly to me.
bsmart