CONGRATS!
For your eldest daughter to take the initial step like that is a big thing I think. Good for her. I can't really add much to the good advice and caution already presented.
Peace.
Nate
Break through !
by Puternut 30 Replies latest jw friends
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Mystery
Fantastic!!! I don't know what i would have done, if i were in your shoes, regarding my children.
Thank god I was out before they were born!
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dustyb
ther'es a good thing about the law. legally the elders can't tell your kids or ex to not talk to you. its your wife's decision to not talk to you, but she can't blame it on religion. there's some sort of a law here where i live that if you aren't an abusing father and you show support and kindness for your kids, you can really just tell your ex to bugger off. it all comes down to they aren't licensed child care providers, or licensed lawgivers or anything like that. don't ya just love the legal system....
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writerpen
Firstly, you didin't tell us how old are your children. Secondly, If i was you, I'll do what i could to get myself reinstated, as the saying go's "talk the talk and walk the walk". Suck up to the elders and tell them what they want to hear yuo don't have to mean it, and then when your inreinstated, just cool off, little or no meeting, and of course no witnessing. Do it for your kids. It will never end. I still play the game because of my wife and kids. Its not so hard.
First, I'm so happy for you because of your win in court, but even more so because your daughter overcame her horrid fear and came inside that studio to see you.
If you follow the advice above that was given in an earlier post, you will continue to condone that fear that she and your other child have ingrained within them. When I was disfellowshipped at the age of 29, I felt like I was 10-years-old in reference to the fear that had been instilled in me. I wanted to run back to the religion with every thought that the world was coming to an end - especially with Sept. 11, 2001. However, it was the effort of mature people that showed me it was okay to be free from an ideology that binds one's thinking, motivation, and enjoyment of life.
You now have the opportunity to show your children that it is possible to be happy and that there is nothing to be afraid of being away from that organization - in other words, that God is not going to kill you or them if they should later decide to leave the organization. However, I would not discuss this with them because that will only make them fear that you are an agent of Satan trying to pull them away from the religion. Allow them to see how happy and free you are away from the organization and that it is possible for enjoyment and peace to be achieved outside of that wretched belief system.
It took four months for the horrid fear to wear off after I was disfellowshipped, and after that I moved in one direction only - away from the Witnesses, never to look back. Good Luck!
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dawn27
Welcome! I am so happy that your daughter took the initiative to seek you out - I was in her position at one point (my father was df'd and my parents were going through a divorce) and it is such a difficult place to be when you are torn between both of your parents and one is using the religion as a weapon to "punish" the other one (through you, no less). At first, I was angry with my dad and became more and more "spiritual", but it got to the point where my mom would not even let me answer the phone or read a letter from him.. She would even call a meeting with the elders to "encourage" me if I saw him in the store and said hello. Ultimately, her conduct toward my father and the elders telling me that associating with him was a disfellowshipping matter, woke me up to the fact that I had to question my own beliefs. Whatever you do, I would show her that you are happy and non-judgemental and she will feel comfortable to confide in you, as she is probably feeling alot of pressure right now. I appreciated it when my dad would send me a heart-felt letter and let me know that he loved me in spite of the fact that I had to "shun" him in public. Over the long term, sadly, the lines of communication are still "closed" to a certain extent with my mother (who would not even attend my wedding) but I can still confide pretty openly in my dad (and even tell him that I post here without being shunned!!). Best wishes to you and your daughter! She needs you,,
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avengers
So my ex has been pumping into my childrens heads, that since I am df'd, they are to have no contact with me.
I know exactly where you're coming from.
It's the Governing Body who is pumping this garbage into the congregations through the elders and the magazines.
The elders are also guilty of seperating families and causing divisions between brothers.
I say fight with all you got, because you will absolutely win.
Kids are smart and they'll see the facade of this treacherous religion after some time.Nobody, but nobody has the right to step in between a father and his kids; especially not religion.
When they do this they are guilty of seperating families.
I remember some words ever said: "He who does not gather, divides."
Don't forget. You are on the winning side. Not the Watchtower. The Watchtower is
an evil slave who hits their brothers. It's clear as day.Andy.
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IT Support
I feel like suing the elder body, for talking bad about me.
Puternut, congratulations, I hope things now start working out better for you.
Has anyone--disfellowshipped for apostasy--ever successfully sued, either the local elders or the Society, for defamation of character?
Regards,
Ken
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Billygoat
Puter,
I am so glad! That is a victory! There is a possibility that if your daughter continues a relationship with you, she can help educate the other kids about how you're not bad like mom says. With her help you could win the kids over completely!
Andi
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seeitallclearlynow
Congratulations Puternut!
The Org always claimed to be the loving, reasonable, wise one, but it's often been the "worldly" authorities who are our protectors, not the cult.
So glad to hear about goodness and reasonableness prevailing for you.
Seeit
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Special K
WOW!! Peter.
If I would have been in the studio when your daughter came in and stayed and talked.. I would not have been able to control myself... (jumping up and down, crying, ...just estatic overjoyed)...This is Happy stuff !!!
Sassy said it right when she said:
"Children need to be reminded of our love constantly, or the others in their life will keep reminding them different."
I think the first thing a parent needs to do, when splitting up (especially ex-JW's) is go directly to court and get those visitation orders pronto.(especially if the JW parents starts right off and denies access).. I've seen alot of parents bad mouth the parent who isn't there.
Kids need contact with you or else they get blind sided by a bitter parent they are living with. They need you there to show your love to them on a regular basis. Loving actions speaks louder than words sometimes. Get those visitation rights if there is the least bit of problem in the beginning.
I have a girlfriend, who took her 3 kids and left her husband this past summer and she wouldn't let the dad talk to the kids either, nor let them visit him.
I disagreed totally with what she did, so I stepped out of being caught in the middle.
The Dad finally took her to court and the JUDGE WAS NOT IMPRESSED with her holding the kids back from the Dad and the judge let her know that.
The judge issued all kinds of extra visitation time in the next few months to make up for the months that she withheld the kids.
Here in Nova scotia a kid has a right to choose which parent they want to be with at 12 yrs old, I think.
Interesting, that someone told me that in Quebec the child has this same right at 9 years old.
I Really, really, really happy for you Peter.. and your daughter too... Let's hope it continues and more drop in visits will ocurr.
Even if she stopped visiting now, I still think a wall has been knocked down. She will always know you are there for her, and it will always be an option for her to come and see you if she feels she has no one else to turn to..
all the best...
Special K