Need Advice From Abuse Victims or People Who Counsel Abusers (page 2)

safe4kids

allgrowedup,

I'm sorry I didn't see this thread sooner, I can only imagine how hard it was for you to worry about it for an entire day. I work in Child Protective services here in Florida and I would have called in a report just as you did. It's scary to do something like that, and I commend you for your bravery in trying to make sure that a child is safe. I'm assuming that you were able to make your report anonymously so that will keep the family from knowing that it was you and hopefully won't prevent you from being able to keep the child in your car pool so that you can monitor things.

If CPS felt that the situation warranted investigation, one of the first things they probably will do is take the child to doctors who specialize in determining the type/causes of the bruising. He will also be interviewed to make sure that the explanation given by him and the family is consistent and, of course, they will check past records to see if prior reports have been called in on this family. In other words, they will look at the entire picture and make a determination. Hopefully, this isn't a case of abuse, but if it is, your efforts could not only prevent further abuse but could even save the child's life. Sorry if that sounds melodramatic, but I've seen too much recently to think that anymore. The kids in your car pool are lucky to have someone like you...the more eyes there are on kids, the less chance of one slipping through the cracks.

Dana

wednesday

Many moons ago, one of our teens called the CPS on us bc he hated jws and just wanted out of the house and thought we were mean. The CPS worker DID come to our house and after talking to us saw no reason the pursue it, he rather implied my son was a spoiled brat.

this was some time ago. I think they would take his complaints abut the religion seriously now. My kids saw through this religion long before i did.

imallgrowedup

Chris -

I only said it because it's true.

Thank you. That means a lot to me. [ again]

Safe -

Thank you for your reply! You certainly were not "late" - I now understand what may happen next. I like knowing that he will be seen by a doctor, in case he really did fall, and it is a result of him "acting weird". Although I hope like anything that I am wrong, I can't help but think that I am not. I don't know that this is a regular occurance at this severity. I know she slaps the kids because when she gets "that look" in her eyes and she is face to face with them, they flinch. I don't condone slapping children in the face - in fact, I don't condone hitting children period - however, I don't know what is acceptable in her culture. Even if it is common practice in her country, I know it does not make it legal in the States. However, I suspect she was angry and got a out of control. I have to say that I've not seen any bruises on the child before - although it's only been about a month since we've been in the same carpool. Our boys have been in the same class two years in a row, and they live around the corner, so I've seen the child quite a bit - but I've not seen anything like this before. I sincerely hope that because the family is under ENORMOUS pressure right now, she just got carried away this one time. I know - it's still wrong and probably illegal - but I would much rather see her scared of the consequences of ever hitting her children again than prosecuted, if this is a one-time event. Oh Lord, I hope I haven't messed this family up.

As far as anonyminity (sp?) goes, CPS said I could be anonymous, but they asked me to please provide my name in case they had questions. I decided that if I had gone far enough to call them, I should try to be as cooperative as possible for the sake of the child, so I'm officially "out of the closet" on this. On the other hand, because these people are my neighbors, I pray that I would not be called to testify in the event this goes that far. I guess I can't torture myself with that thought right now - especially since it's nothing compared to what the child has/may have gone through.

At any rate, I truly appreciate your thoughtful reply. Thanks for taking the time to post!

Wednesday -

I'm sorry you were accused in the days when parents didn't walk away glad that CPS would question these things. You must have been scared to death! There is always a double-edge sword with laws like this - I truly hate to see when the laws themselves are abused. On the other hand, when I read your post about how seriously it would be taken now, I find that to be a fascinating idea. Do we encourage all the young kids who have been coming to the board lately to do just that?

Another moral and ethical question to ponder.....

growedup

jgnat

Too late to help, but nice to see you were given good advice. If Child Protective Services is anything like it is here, you are still anonymous as far as the abuser is concerned. Who you are is private information, never to be shared with the abuser. How can we tell if a bruise is innocent or not? An examination by a professional can set misunderstandings straight pretty fast. Even if nothing is done this time, if things get worse, there is a record of your report. By the way, keep this thread or date in mind, in case bureaucrats "forget" six months from now that you ever said anything. Also, if a case number is assigned, write down that number.

It ticks me off when a child is injured or worse, the neighbours claim they called many times, and the agencies say they have no record. Sometimes it is because of simple clerical or system error - the chain of events are never matched up by the agency.

imallgrowedup

jgnat -

By the way, keep this thread or date in mind, in case bureaucrats "forget" six months from now that you ever said anything. Also, if a case number is assigned, write down that number.
It ticks me off when a child is injured or worse, the neighbours claim they called many times, and the agencies say they have no record. Sometimes it is because of simple clerical or system error - the chain of events are never matched up by the agency.

Very good idea. I wouldn't have thought about that. Thank you for pointing it out.

growedup

Eyebrow2

growedup

more people need to be like you....

garybuss

im, you know what to do. You err on the side of protecting the child. Call child protection services.

sf

This is probably one of the toughest 'calls' to make. Deciding on if and when TO call.

Good work!

Sure, there will be expected ramifications (your name may very well get to the parents somehow, someway), but ultimately, the child will be seen by a doctor while the bruises are still FRESH to determine alleged abuse. If you waited any longer, potential evidence could disappear.

Sleep well knowing you are brave and that your motivations were in tact.

sKally

Need Advice From Abuse Victims or People Who Counsel Abusers

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