This is such sad news. I can't imagine what a parent must feel when this happens to their precious baby. I do know personally of a couple that this happened to, but the baby was only a few weeks old. It was the Sudden Death Syndrom, where they stop breathing while asleep. In those days, they really didn't know too much about the condition. The most horrible thing is that the baby is perfectly healthy, it just stops breathing and dies.
If this can be diagnosed at birth, then the baby is monitored with special equipment, and an alarm goes off, where the parent can go to the child and assist them by waking them up. Usually, just waking them, will start their breathing again.
The couple that I knew had a most difficult time, even though it wasn't their only child. The wife blamed herself and slid into a dibilitating depressing, which had a bad affect on the other young children and the husband. She wouldn't let her husband change the baby's room, and kept it exactly the same for a very long time. She would pretend the baby had not died. Can you imagine how awful this was for her family? Some well-meaning person told her she could always have another baby. WRONG WORDS for sure! No child can every be replaced.
I think its wonderful that you want to extend yourself. Most times there is really nothing you can say. Nothing said will change anything. But, she knows that you care and that heartfelt love will mean the world to her. You don't have to figure out what to say; it will come naturally. A sudden death is such a shock to the body, and it just takes time for each person to work through their grief. If she needs professional help, you might encourage her to get it.
Best wishes.
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