It's amazing how many of you agree that "bible principles" kept you away from drugs, alcohol, smoking, etc. For me, "bible principles" were the cause of me smoking. I started when I was 17 and still attending meetings. I was extremely stressed out not only by my past, but my future as well. I cried when I was threatened to be kicked out of the house if I didn't follow bible principles.
I was a good kid because I was raised by Bible Principles
by Nosferatu 31 Replies latest jw experiences
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somebodylovesme
I'm so sorry for all that pain you've endured.
I was never a Witness, but there is one thing that a Witness said about me that has stuck in my mind for a long time. I was best friends with a Witness girl all throughout school. Her family loved me, apparently despite my worldliness. The time came that I was going to be around some other Witness friends of theirs, and (I heard this from one of those people) my friend's mom told them I was the nicest worldly girl and it was as if I had been raised with Biblical principles. That blew me away - and made me angry - when I heard it. It certainly was a compliment, but it implied that I was the exception to the rule that all worldly children are disrespectful druggies.
Another situation - I was at the graduation party of this friend, and I struck up a conversation with another guest who was a woman in her thirties. We talked for a few minutes about my friend, about school, etc. Then she asked what congregation I went to. I fumbled a little and said I wasn't a Witness. She looked absolutely shocked, and said she just assumed, because I had such nice speaking skills. Excuse me? Do Witnesses hold the monopoly on social speaking abilities? I think not.
Those experiences just went to show me how tied up in their perceptions Witnesses are. They have this image of the outside world and it's so, so wrong.
(Now, we could analyze my social life here... I was friends with Witnesses all the way through school and then I married an inactive one. Sheesh. I'm a glutton for punishment, I guess!)
SLM
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gypsywildone
I'm sure I wouldn't have gotten in a fraction of the trouble that I did if my mother hadn't gotten into that sick cult when I was 13 & I began asserting my personhood & refusing to become a jw. I can truthfully say I did not learn one useful thing in a kingdom hall, except how NOT to live life or parent children.
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Joysome
Well all in all it depends on the individual. I definitely have a wild side. Since I've been disfellowshipped I've definitely let that out. Sometimes a little too much. But because I'm older I have the ability to be responsible with my wildness (sounds like an oxy-moron doesn't it?) What I mean is that if my mother didn't raise me the way that she did teaching me bible principles and showing me the way I should live my life who knows where I would be today. I mean what if I started doing these things at the age of 14 when my "worldly friends" did. I mean I know people that were having sex, doing drugs and getting pregnant all things I wasn't ready for at the age of 14. Heck, I'm 24 and I still don't think I'm ready.
To the girl that was upset that people made the remarks about her "being the nicest worldly girl" honestly it was a compliment. I mean apparently you felt that the witnesses were good people because it seems that you made a habit of hanging out with them. And even though it doesn't mean that EVERYONE in the "world" is evil. There are things that happen among youths that are much more rampant than among the youths in the truth. Not saying that these things don't happen because they definitely do. But I think that the way I was raised by my mother was a good way because it does teach you good qualities and how to respect others.
Here's an example. I live in an apartment. There are only four apartments. Someone was moving in and guess what time they decided to move in? 10 at night!!!! So there are doors slamming. Things being dragged across the floor etc etc. Ok that was strike number 1 with this person. 2. We don't have assigned parking or anything and because there are basically only 4 of us in the building we've basically made our parking spaces. We all always park in the same spot. Well this new person comes in and guess where they decide to park? My spot!. Now I guess I should let it go but it's the principles involved. When you come to a new place and you see a car parked in the same spot all the time why would you park there?GRRRRR. Strike 3 was last night. Our garbage day was yesterday. I didn't get out of work yesterday until 8 by the time I got home I looked out to the street and there was a garbage can. But I noticed that someone had already taken theres back up from the street. Guess who's it was. The new persons. Now this is one of my biggest peeves. If you're on the street already getting your can where is the harm in getting the ONE other can that sitting next to yours and taking it up? I would have done that for her. I wouldn't move in at 10 at night through the week. I wouldn't take her parking spot!!!!!! The point of this is this woman claims to be Christian. She had her church move her in. Because when I was woken up by a slamming door at 10:30 I looked outside and there was the family church van outside my building. And she has Jesus themed stickers on her car. How can you claim to be Christian and be so insensitive? (As you can tell I'm not happy with this person at all)
Whew! I quite rambled here. But anyway. I hope you all get my point. :)
Joy
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Elsewhere
Yep... FEAR.... that is my JW childhood summed up in a word too.
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concerned mama
Just a thought.
Some of you didn't get into as much mischief as teens or young aduts, because you had loving parents who cared. Maybe it was because you made wise choices in your life.
Being a good parent has nothing to do with religion. It wouldn't matter which religion they were, if your parents still raised you with the same expectations of not drinking or smoking underage, and behaving ethically and morally. There are lots of normal kids who behave, just as there are Witness kids who behave. The are normal kids who party too young and too much and there are Witness kids who party too young and too much. If you had worldly friends who were wild, you could have looked around for some that were behaving. They're out there.
This issue is one that just makes my blood boil. My real life experience with JWs had mainly been though a JW teenager . He would admit to me in one breath about the JW kids who drank and were wild, then tell me in the next, that being raised JW was still the best, because he was morally stronger than the school friends who were wild. He chose to hang out with the wild kids, there were good kids out there and they weren't cool enough for him. So much hypocracy.
I am getting the subtle feel from some of you, that you still believe that being raised as a JW makes you morally stronger and kept you straighter longer??? That a JW upbringing is superior??? Is that Watchtower conditioning still part of you??? I am confused.
I have a young adult in the house and a teenager, and they are great kids, who, for the most part, make wise choices in their lives. They have friends who do the same. None are JW.
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Strawberryfieldsforever
Nosferatu! I'm so sorry for what you had to go through.....
I went through almost the same thing as you.....I was always the new kid because my Dad was in the military. We moved alot. I was so afraid of going in the new school because the first thing I had to endure was the flag salute. Then I was the new kid on top of that. I was always sick with stomach pains. I would lay in the nurses office and cry and cry. I wasn't even happy about my mother comming to get me. I just wanted to disappear. I invented this imaginary friend. He would talk to me and tell me it was OK and don't cry. I started to depend on this imaginary friend and withdraw from people. Even my mother. I would have these silent conversations with him in my head. Healthy? I don't know, but it helped me through some bad times. I also had bad times in music. I loved music! But at Christmas time I had to sit off to the side and watch the others sing. In my school days they had the projector that put the words up on the screen for everyone to see. It was dark in the room I'm so glad it was dark cause it gave me the opportunity to cry. I couldn't join choir for the Christmas concerts or any of the others. I was an outcast....except for my imaginary friend. Valentines day was really bad for me. I would watch everyone open their homemade boxes and laugh and kid eachother. They even got gum and candy. Sometimes the kids felt sorry for me and gave me cards with candy. I felt guilty eating them cause I knew it was wrong to take part. I ate it anyway and felt terrible and would cry when I got home....and then there was the birthday celebrations in school. I could never eat the treats the other kids brought from home. I had to go and sit somewhere else and draw pictures. Even drawing pictures was hard at holidays. I couldn't draw anything in art like the others. The teacher always had a visit from my mom so she knew what I could and couldn't draw. It never fit in with the other drawings when they were hung up in the hallway.
As I got older, I couldn't join anything. I was quite good at chess. I even beat the chess teacher! But I couldn't join chess or track or basketball or anything. I had to wear dresses that came to my knees when everyone was wearing mini skirts (70's) and was so embarrased. I used to love to wear skirts to school because I could roll them up on the bus ride to school, so at least they were a little shorter and didn't draw so much attention. I had to remember tho to unroll them on the ride home. I was so withdrawn from everyone that I didn't get into any trouble. Like you said, our parents think they did good by the way they raised us. Yes and No. I didn't do drugs or have sex or run around with the bad crowd, but I was emotionally unstable and withdrawn and very unhappy. I was so envious of the other kids cause their parents let them join clubs and choir and such. I was so left out. But I still had my imaginary friend. Even in high school. He would always tell me it was OK. Don't cry.
Now when I look back, I think the religion kept me out of trouble, but didn't give me the tools I needed in adult life. I am still a big loner. It's hard to make friends. But slowly things are getting a little better. I feel sorry for all the children who are witnesses. I've endured what they are going through. My heart breaks for them. Some are stronger than others. Some won't make it and have baggage to deal with for their whole lives. So Nosferatu, hang in there. I can't say your feelings will go away someday. Mine are still here, and I don't know if they'll ever leave me. School was the hardest part of my life. Thanks for listening....
Strawberryfieldsforever
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Joysome
Concerned Mama,
You make an excellent point.
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Nosferatu
Strawberryfields, Damn we had a similar upbringing! The holidays were incredibly hard. However, I ate the treats, candy canes and such. They were just candy and I saw nothing wrong with eating it. Valentine's day was the worst. A lot of kids liked me in elementary. They would make me Valentines. I brought them home and I got yelled at from my mother. The next year, I had to throw them out in front of all my classmates. That was hard. I felt really bad. When I hit high school, everyone seemed to turn on me.
As for drawing pictures, it was definately weird seeing all the Christmas, or St Patrick's day pictures hung up, and then there was my drawing, a sore thumb. It stood out from all the others. It would be something like a tree and a house.
I am getting the subtle feel from some of you, that you still believe that being raised as a JW makes you morally stronger and kept you straighter longer???
Concerned Momma, not at all. I think it had a negative effect on my life. I could have been raised, not got into drugs & alcohol, and have come out a very intelligent person without the JW shit. I've had to learn a lot and catch up on life experience. I'd say I've done a good job creating the person I am. My parents are just people who raised me. I'm my own creation. I had to abandon most of what my parents taught me because the morals they instilled in me were just plain wrong, rude, and cruel.
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seeitallclearlynow
Nosferatu,
Thanks much for sharing your experience. I love it because it shows how some children are such pawns to the Watchtower Cult.
Some JW kids had it easier because of more reasonable parents.
But what is so interesting to me is that I was raised with the exact same conditions and emotional responses as you, and I was NOT raised as or by Jehovah's Witnesses - my brothers and sister and I were raised by sometimes psychopathic alcoholic atheists.
It's so revealing to me that some JW "Christians" create the same atmosphere in the home for the children as alcoholic atheists.
HMMM.