by Jrjw 29 Replies latest watchtower beliefs
YES!
A number of people.
And one of my closest friends who I would see on occasion, it would start off nice then end in the guilt trip to come back.
One other person laid it on thick about a close friend of mine who died before I was out and how will he feel if he doesn't see you - and I am counting on you to get through this horrible time im facing....
Never anything from anyone about "Im here for you whatever you need" it is always about THEM or Jehober.
Yes when they talk nicely to you it makes you stay questioning your decision. I can't be part of an organisation that's told so many lies and hidden them and that has such a terrible stance on child abuse. I have tip keep reminding myself of this when i start questioning my decisions lol. Wish I was away from the cult and it was all in the past now. I have some very persistent friends(although they're conditional ones) and if I haven't managed to fade by end of this year I'm just gonna disassociate myself to get away from it all
Being a JW is an all or nothing proposition.
If a person attempts to straddle the fence, maintaining JW association but not fulfilling all of the requirements dictated, JWs will usually try to push the person off the fence to one side, and if that fails, they will push in the opposite direction. One side = Fully In, the other side = Fully Out.
As stated previously, since you have no JW family to maintain relationships with, there is little benefit or point to fading. By attempting to keep your Kingdom Hall friends but not fulfilling all of the religion requirements, will result in pressure on you to get off the fence. If you made a decision to leave the religion as you appear to have done, then why subject yourself to needless pressure and stress?
I feel sick at the thought of getting back together and putting myself through that nightmare again
You already know what you want and what is likely best, but are allowing 'strangers' to influence and question your thoughts and beliefs as to what is best for you and your children. Remember, those strangers (including us) will not be dealing with the consequences if you choose to follow their advice, but you will.
"what kind of example are you setting your daughter with regards to the truth and with regards to Jehovah's stance on marriage?"
It sounds to me as setting an example to your daughter that it's proper to stand-up for herself and her children, not accepting being abused or treated badly, regardless of who it is that is inflicting the abuse.
JWs give the reason not to divorce because Jehovah hates divorce, which is the dissolution of a marriage which is a vow between two people. They typically ignore the reasons divorce may be necessary, appropriate or healthy. A person could reason, even if Jehovah hates divorce, that doesn't imply he doesn't understand or agree that it may sometimes be necessary.
JWs routinely disfellowship a JW who is seen smoking a cigarette, or whose car is observed parked overnight outside the residence of a member of the opposite sex, or for not unreservedly accepting the GB are chosen by God. In disfellowshipping and announcing the person as no longer a JW, isn't that forcing the dissolution (divorce) of the person's vow to Jehovah?
For some bizarre reason, the first thing I thought of when I saw the thread title was National Lampoon.
Be strong, Jrjw... would a dead relative want you to be abused? Does Jeh like abuse?
If you were to join any other organization that said, "We promote staying in abusive relationships" and "the abuser is the one we should feel sorry for, because they will be alone.. the one who is abused and hurt, and sleepless is a terrible person".. would we actually join that organisation?
No.
When I first started to ask question about what I knew about the WT, my so called JW friends guilt tripped me that I am betraying Jehovah for having chosen me and given me a good life and so on......
When I started to cut down on FS, my wife would guilt trip me that I am not doing enough for Jehovah.
Guilt trip is a very effective way of Control , by cults
Yeah I was guilt tripped too - about leaving the JWs. A friend wrote me an email about how my kids were going to die in Armageddon...I think that's pretty much the "norm". Depending on what culture you're from, emotional blackmail and guilt tripping is pretty common too!
When I divorced I decided to do so because it was in my best interest and my children's best interest. There are always going to be some well meaning people who try to persuade you that staying together is in the best interest of your kids (even non jws). Only you know your circumstances and from what you've posted it seems like you have a good grasp of things. Here's the thing about those type of decisions...you are the one who lives with the consequences - not them. You are the one at home with a husband who has issues and kids that are growing up in that environment thinking that's normal.
You have this great opportunity to create a life that you want and expose your kids to something different..something better... Don't second guess yourself and try to surround yourself with people who can be supportive. Some people just can't unless they agree with your decision. Take everyone out of the equation and ask yourself "what do I want to do?" and then stick to it!
The only reason I can't hand in disassociation letter yet is coz I need to build a network of non jw friends once I Move. I'll be gone asap once that happens. My ex will be a nightmare about our son as well saying im gonna kill him at Armageddon if I leave. I'll just say you aren't allowed to talk about spiritual things with someone who's supposed to be treated as disfellowshiped and I'll report you to the elders if you continue 😊 hopefully that will shut him up
These movements thrive on guilt/fear because it works. Fear of what you may lose, or guilt about being "wrong" is motivating (albeit in a negative fashion). You're 10x more likely to do something due to the bad effects of not doing it. It's just instinct.
Many in this cult are only passing on what their religious leaders/parents/culture have taught, and then it repeats from children to children. It's not really their fault, but that's the nature of this beast. The thing to note however is that guilt is not anything real - it is only an "alert system" to say that something may be wrong. Whether it is wrong or right is besides the point (i.e.reality) - your conscience has been programmed to think a certain way. Unfortunately in the JW sect this "radar" has not only been tuned into over-drive, but the alert goes off at the silliest of things, e.g. watching the smurfs, having a wizard toy, being accepting of a gay friend, not doing enough field service, masturbating, not preparing your watchtower for a brainwashing session every Sunday where someone else interjects their own ideas into your head...you get the idea.
With that in mind, logically speaking, being away from your husband is the healthiest thing. Do you think that God/Jesus had abuse in mind when in the bible Jesus said "a man must stick to his wife"? Of course not, the whole idea of marriage is an interchange, a to and fro of give and take - something mutually beneficial towards the upliftment of both parties. If that's not happening, and you've given it your best shot, then what's the point? Look at the context too of Jesus' words in the bible, he was obviously condemning a shallow and frivolous disregard the men in that day had of women (discarding them for a better/younger model), which in turn would not only be "heartless" (as Jesus said) but also devastating for the family unit (all because of the men's selfishness in those times). It's blatantly obvious that you have no reason to feel guilt, it's just an emotional thing (not based on reason) that will pass :)
I am married to a great lady but I wouldn't expect her to stay married to me if I was cruel, or abusive in any way, shape and form. We are loving partners in this single life we share.
Oddly enough the JW's have an 11 to 14% divorce rate (Pew survey). They are no different then any other religion....maybe worse in many respects.
A lot of marriages are actually better when they stop being JW's.
The happiest people I know are often ex JWs.
