Feelings of an active JW (page 2)

Room 215

Xbehere; welcome! Be thankful that, however painful the realization, it's always best to stare the facts fearlessly in the face. Never recriminate yourself for your present inability to ``make a clean break;" it's not cowardice but rather love for your trapped loved ones --especially your wife-- that urges you to take a more temperate, constructive path to resolution, in the hopes that they too will one day begin to see things clearly as you do.

You're just a bit further along than they in your spiritual journey than they are; and YOU ARE SO NOT ALONE! I can't tell you how strongly your story resonates with so many of us, and how perceptive your observations of the others you see trudgiing so dutifully, yet wearily, to meeting after meeting, staggering under the heavy load.

Amazing

Hi XBEHERE,

Powerful post and welcome to the board. Yes, I have some immediate advice for you:

I suspect there are many JW's who don't really believe anymore.

I estimate, based on data provided by the Society from the Yearbook and Watchtower, that about 3 Million or more are now ex-JWs ... and I suspect without having solid data, but based on general observation whie I was a JW and Elder, that about 1.5 million to 2 million active JWs are not JWs in their hearts anymore.

"Of course there are still the hard-core "JW's till we die" people ..."

Yes, and it is these, and the soft-core wishy-washy dilly-dally irregular JWs that are the greatest danger to you. let me explain:

First: You need to act with extreme caution in keeping your identity secret as long as you have this dual situation with your family and your own conscience. Be very careful about giving out details about yourself, because there are Watchtower monitors on these ex-JW boards who look to find potential disloyal and apostate JWs ... it does happen ... and it has been "proven" that the Society monitors these boards. Be especilly careful about trusting people with information until you get a good feel for who they really are.

Second: The temptation will come to test your views and opinions on JWs you may know. The strong ones will likely change the subject and caution you ... but the weak JWs will hurt you most because they feel guilty for not being at all the meetings or out in Field Service ... so, they have nothing with which to feel righteous ... and turning in an "Apostate" will be the highlight of their day ... they will befriend you, get you to trust them, and then shove the knife in your back by going to the Elders and telling all ... and you won't stand a chance. I have been there and done that on both sides of the issue.

She would flip if I ever told her what I know and it would get ugly fast.

Yes, all the more reason to be very careful. However there is hope. Click on and read this link when you get a chance: http://www.freeminds.org/psych/exithelp.htm I wrote it, because it is exactly how I got my entire family and a few friends how of the religion.

Also, my entire exit story is at this link: http://www.exjws.net/pioneers/partintro.htm It is 18 parts long, about 80 pages ... I think you will find it interesting and funny at times ... BUT ... it is more on how I messed up in my exit ... it shows you what NOT to do as much as what to do.

Time is on your side. Take time to evaluate what you want to do and what you can do.

When you are ready you can PM me on this board without giving up your identity. Or you can register a free Hotmail account under an assumed name, [And be careful when filling out the MSN Hotmail application to give false details about your zipcode and actual address. I borrowed a real zipcode and put in a fake address, fake age, fake everything ... but, once you do this, when you are ready you can e-mail me at [email protected].

Anyway, I fully understand and sympathize with your situation ... and will be glad to be of help if you need. - Jim Whitney

Doubtfully Yours

XBEHERE,

Welcome to my world. I tell you, though, leading a double life is terribly exhausting for me.

My husband and parents are heavy into the religion and outside of their spiritual views, which I don't discuss with them at all, I love them all dearly. So, I must hang in there for just a bit longer.

I do miss many, many meetings and turn in the lowest service time possible. Therefore, I've been marked by some and by others labeled 'spiritually weak'. It's okay, though, it keeps the mayority away from me which is exactly what I want for now.

DY

Strawberryfieldsforever

Welcome XBEHERE

The slow fade worked for me. They talked to me on and off about it but eventually started to leave me alone. That was a relief. I'm glad to be out. I know I left many friends who had doubts and personally know of 2 who left not long after I did.

blindfool

XBEHERE,

I understand how you feel. I also attend meetings and then read everything said here.

I read Blondies WT study threads and enjoy them much more than the study at the hall.

I think there are a lot more people like us than anyone thinks.

Amazing has good advice though, be careful who you discuss your doubts with. I'm not babtised, but I still will only discuss my true feelings with my wife. She has her doubts also, but she can't do anything about them because her family are active JW's.

We just do the best we can. We accept that some will call us "spritually weak" because of low or no service hours, but live the best way we can.

I can gleam a certain amount of biblical truth at the meetings, maybe less than I could at a local church, but I can be satisfied with that right now. Maybe later, our circumstances will change and we'll be more free to continue our lives away from the WTBTS. For now, I'll continue to walk this path.

franklin J

hi xbehere

welcome to the forum. Most of us have been there, done that.

If you do plan on leaving, you will have a bumpy road ahead of you. We are all here for support if you need it.

best of luck, Frank

XBEHERE

I appreciate all of your kind posts and suggestions. Obviously a far better a reaction than I would ever have from someone in my KH. Amazing your exit story was well... amazing. I read it late last year. I think I have read just about every Ex-JW storie available on the net. I will be in touch.

Doubtfully Yours

XBEHERE,

I must really say the following to you and all others fellow doubters, faders and otherwise 'spiritually weak' ones: Put it all in perspective. Look around you, compare, and find positively that it could be 10 times worse!

I try to make light, fun if you will, of my present situation in life. The meetings I cannot at all avoid, when finally show up I proceed to hang out with other 'spiritually weak' ones and we do have quite a bit of fun talking about everyday life and telling jokes and all.

Remember always that no situation in life is all good or all bad. Take the WTBTS for its good points and forgo the stuff you don't care for. Sort of like find a 'click' within and stick with it for as long as needed.

It's not all gloom and doom inside the WTBTS, you know. Yes, they do want as much control as possible, but only if you let them. In my particular case, much of the high control stuff that's pounded at the meetings goes in one ear and out the other; when a topic is of no interest to me whatsoever I just find some article to read while it's going on, or daydream, or do my finances while the meeting is in full swing.

To survive any situation, we must always accentuate on the possitive.

DY

Pleasuredome

welcome XBEHERE.

Rihannsu

XBHERE unfortunately you are right, there is a larg portion of JW's that are trapped and have been trapped for years, afraid of leaving and losing their families.

I was one of those people, I knew the theology was wrong, I knew that the blood policy was unloving unscriptural and wrong, and I knew that disfellowshiping people the way the society does was unloving and wrong, but yet I stayed in this organization for many years for fear of upsetting my parents my wife and her family.

What changed things for me was the "Dateline" show, I didnt need to see that show to know that I was in a cult, but my family did and it raised questions in their mind, my parents started asking the Elders about that show and got the famous "its all apostate lies", So before I knew it my parents found out this organization was not clean and "the only TRUTH" they left before me.... I still stayed in because of my wife and her parents, and not wanting to cause any stress to them, but at same time I was proud of my parents and brother for leaving the Cult.. What settled it for me was when me and my wife started talking seriously about starting a family, I did not want my future children growing up in this cult and that is when with Gods blessing me and my wife started beeing honest and told the Elders that visited how we really felt. All they cared about wasnt us, but "who else have you talked to about this feelings" they cared only to get more people in trouble for having an open mind, for knowing too much, for not beeing a blind sheep.

Well they disfellowshiped us which was a very happy day for both of us ( we decided not to disassociate ourselves because my mother in law asked us not to) and thank God now we are free at still a pretty young age to pursue a Real Godly course and not one that is led by "the Borg"

So I feel for you, but one day the same might happen to you, one day you might just reach your limit and make a decision that will bring you alot of pain at first but in the long run will allow you to be free and happy...

Feelings of an active JW

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