CyberSex (page 3)

COMF

We have great buildings, technology, music, because men are bored.

Here we go, leaving the ladies out again. Gotta watch that.

COMF

teejay

hello, DM. hello? helll-ooooo.

you still there?

ever think about an open marriage?

DB

I read a Poll recently, posted on Excite, in which 98% of the respondants said that Cyber-sex was cheating.

At times, though, I think the problem is that husbands and wives do not relate to each other well enough with regard to sex. Some people, for example are into dominance/submission type of stuff, but their spouse may not be. So they go online to explore that part of their sexuality. Many married men are bisexually curious and may go on line to explore that area of their sexuality.

My question is, when a person has such feelings about their own sexuality, is it always wrong to explore such via porn or cyber-sex?
I think it is wrong if it leads to an actual meeting/affair. But some people have these feeling as little or no outlet for them, and I think they satisfy such curiosities via cyber porn/sex.

JW72

Dream Master, I sympathise with you very much.

I think the important thing to find out here is WHY is she doing what she's doing?

Do you and your wife have a good sexual relationship??

Is she shy about sex, and maybe can be more expressive when it's done over the internet??

I think you can both get through this if you talk with her in a loving way, ask her why she does it.

You may find that she needs more of your attention, or maybe you need to be more adventurous in the bedroom.

I don't want to pry too deep into your love life, I just want to help.

If you love her, it's worth trying what I suggested.

Tell her how bad it makes you feel, and tell her that I and most other guys would feel the same, if she doesn't care then maybe it wont work.

By the way, cyber sex, on a regular basis, is NOT the same as looking at porn, AND YOU KNOW IT!!!!

Couples can look at porn together, it's natural, cyber sex excludes the partner and is much more personal, wake up!!

Chris

Dream master, please contact me, I wanna help.

Julie

Hi DreamMaster (interesting name btw)--

This situation involving your wife is not the problem in your relationship. It is merely a symptom of the problem(s).

The first thing you need to do is identify the real problem and address that. I agree with Comf that if you both decide to save your marriage you should get professional help asap.

The hardest thing about identifying the real problems of your marriage will be looking at it objectively and being ready to assume some of the blame. The second hardest thing will be trying to look at it from her point of view, try it, you may be shocked at what you find.

If you really want things to work you have to lose the I-am-right-she-is-wrong attitude and it will help to open your mind for objectivity. Good luck, it is so difficult. Worth the effort though. Nothing makes things easier to deal with than understanding them.

Julie

somebody

Marriage is an institution that controls male agression and gives females a haven for rearing the young.

HA!

peace,
somebody

peaceloveharmony

LOL @ somebody

that statement made me laugh too! who says that this is what marriage is? isn't it up to each couple to define their own relationship??? why must we all try to fit into some narrow defination of what marriage, life, whatever, is?

just some ramblings....

love
harmony

"Power doesn't mean you're acting like a man, or you're a bully or a bitch. It's that you don't let people step on you"
-Sharon Monplaisir

proplog2

Just to explain a little about male aggression.

Courtship pits male against male. The wimpiest of us get an "attitude" when it comes to cornering a female. Females are competitive too, but once she's knocked up she drifts to the sidelines with the most important business in nature - rearing the young.

Marriage ends the perpetual seeking of females - for most but not all males. Masculinity is a strategy in nature. Sperm is cheap. Eggs are expensive. A male is always ready. The male objective is to fertilize as many eggs as possible. Nature is much more conservative with females. She gets a few eggs and she is primarily responsible for getting the best nest possible.

I would hope those who participate in this forum don't need to have all those qualifying phrases that point out the fact that what is true of most males or females is not true of "all". Do we have to point that out forever? I use semantic devices like "quotes" but there is always going to be (almost always) some overgeneralizing. The english language (which is the only language I know) easily lends itself to either/or thinking.

JW72

I think the instinctive male desire to 'spread his seed' is so far buried down deep inside us that it doesn't really have any affect any more, or at least, the more intelligent men don't act upon that instinct!!

Like me, for example!!

Chris

JW72

quote: [My question is, when a person has such feelings about their own sexuality, is it always wrong to explore such via porn or cyber-sex?
I think it is wrong if it leads to an actual meeting/affair. But some people have these feeling as little or no outlet for them, and I think they satisfy such curiosities via cyber porn/sex.]

DB, I think it's wrong to be in a heterosexual relationship and THEN find out about being gay, or whatever.
If your finding out about sth. that your partner can share with you, that's fine, but other than that, it's not fair on the partner.

Chris

CyberSex

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