Hello,
I am new to this, and any form of online chat, but reading some of your postings inspired me to write. I am even unsure how to check responses, but hopefully there will be some and I will learn.
I am completely torn. I have met the man of my dreams, and was told the other day that we would not work because he was looking to the future and could not imagine putting up a christmas tree and lights in his home.
When we met, I knew he was raised a witness, but he assured me he had not been to meetings in 8 years because he did not "feel it". I was very hesitant about pursuing something with him because I had heard horror stories, but he blatenly told me that his families religion nor what he was raised to believe would affect "us", after all, he was not practicing. His mother is a devout witness who is EXTREMELY involved in her son's life, and very against him dating me. The fact that I am a loving woman brought up in the most amazing family by the two worlds greatest parents who are still together and madly in love, means nothing to her. I am worldy, and although her son isn't a "practicing JW", I take away the hope that he may start going soon. I do not know the "truth", therefore, if we were to ever have children and they were not raised in the truth, my children and I would "die" in this supposed "Armageddon". She actually told him this.
He celebrated Thanksgiving, Christmas and New Years as well as a few birthdays with my family and I, and seemed to love it. His mom moved a few hours away which seemed to improve our relationship, until we started falling in love and she began to realize it. Then the frequent calls of how "We would never work" began to brainwash him. He gave me a card the other day, thanking me for all the little things i do for him, and how he loves me and knows that i am a keeper. "I am so lucky to have you as my girlfriend, and in my life, you are the best thing that has ever happened to me."
Then, he went to visit his mom for the weekend. It was upon arriving from this little trip that this new man with a COMPLETELY different outlook came back to me in the form of my boyfriend. I told him I didnt believe him and that i think he is taking the easy way out to make his family happy. He says he celebrated the holidays and had fun with me, but deep down felt it was wrong. He asked me if i would consider going to a meeting, and I said i would go, but what would happen if i didnt feel it? He didnt answer. Basically, it will never work unless i agree to give up my holidays, which in my very close family unit, is so incredibly important. I even offered to compromise, if we were to marry, I would not have a tree or decorations in our home, but we could go to my families house on holidays. he said it would still be celebrating. I am so angry, so hurt that his mother could have such a deep impact on him and put him in the predictiment to "choose". Why cant she accept me and let me get to know and love her? If she gave me half the chance without pre-judging me because I am not a JW, I am sure I would win her heart. I love her son SO very much, and my world seems like it is crumbling. He is closing me out, and acting so distant. He told me today it is because he has to stick with his guns and be strong, therefore he has to be that way around me. I know he wants to run and hug me when we see eachother, but he cant, because he would break his mothers heart, and its so much easier to break mine.
I tell him to please have faith in us, in love and that everything else will fall into play. We laugh so much together and care for eachother so dearly. I told him that I feel like I am being discriminated against, like if his family is racist against me for not having the same beliefs! He told me that I have healed him from so much pain and have brought happiness to his life, and that he has never had someone love him like i do. "You are perfect, he tells me, but it will never work because you cant give up your holidays, and i feel wrong celebrating because of how i was raised".
Please, Please tell me there is a way I can fix this, that i can show him that love is something stronger than some tree! The man is almost 30 and has been living the life his mother wants for him for so long. I know he loves me, but i feel like he is being brainwashed and forced to choose between his mother and me. How can I help him stand up to her? Help her and him to see that she is wrong! He is so blinded by what she says, yet he is not a practicing JW. She even went to the extent to say that some may feel obligated to report him to the "brothers" for being with me, which instills such a fear in him since he would not be allowed to associate with his family. I love this man, and he is such an amazing man, blinded by the "truth". Please, help me open his eyes...
Lori
