I'd like to tell you all my unique story...

AngelofMuZiC

My name is Joanne, and I'm 19. My earliest memory is of the Kingdom Hall. It all started when my mother, who is now 62, was walking down the street and some Witnesses stopped her while they were street witnessing. My mom had a really tough life, and was looking for answers and a solution to her problems. Number one, she is mentally handicapped (she operates intellectually as a 10 yr. old, and emotionally as a 14 yr. old). She had survived being tossed around in foster care until she was 20, constantly being abused by her foster parents. Then, she survived three marriages, all of which resulted in her being abused verbally, physically, and sexually, and ended in divorce because she feared for her life. She had six children all together, I being the youngest (she was not married to my father). One child was killed in a car accident while in protective custody because the father had threatened to kill both my mother and the baby. The other four (two girls and two boys) were taken from her by their father to be raised by him, and never to be heard from again. She listened keenly to what the Witnesses were telling her, and you all can imagine how amazed she was to learn about the paradise, and the reason for wickness. When she tried to tell some members of her family what she had been told, they tried to have her put in an assylum. That plan failed, and she stayed away from the Witnesses for a long while. Then one day she met my grandmother at the grocery store, while she was standing out front with the magazines. My mother immediately recognized the literature and decided to talk to her. At this point, my mother was homeless and wandering from shelter to shelter. After a few meetings with this woman, my mother began going to the Kingdom Hall. The woman began feeling really sorry for my mothers horrible condition, and so she offered my mother a room in their house. This is where she met my father, and my "anointed" great aunt and uncle. My father basically took advantage of her condition unbeknowst to my grandparents. My mother got pregnant with me, and her and my father moved out on their own. My father also was an abusive alcoholic, but not as bad as the others. When it came time to give birth to me, my father split, and my grandparents had died. But my mom figured she could always count on people at the Kingdom Hall. She went off and on for a few years, and starting teaching me all about Jehovah and the bible. I always had a story out of the "My Book of Bible Stories" read to me before bed. Soon my mother was out on the street again, because her mental condition did not enable her to hold a job. Some witnesses who had gotten to know her, set her up in the apartment that we still live in. They paid the security and first months rent, set up all the utilities, stocked our fridge, and even gave her clothes for us. And they also decided to pick her and I up for meetings. My mom tried very hard to learn to read and be able to study the bible. She had several different teachers, because not everyone had the patience to deal with her slowness, or me-a bratty smart-mouthed kid. Eventually she was baptized, and I was made to study the bible also. At first I liked studying. I loved to raise my hand high and answer at the meetings. But as I got older, I noticed things that I didn't like. I didn't like other people bossing me around. That was my mother's job, no one else's. And I didn't like the fact that we had to make time requirements. Then little by little, I was feeling put out. People stopped inviting us places, they stopped caring for my mother, and I was left to do it, at the age of 10!!!! But they were always there to make sure she went to a meeting. And despite my mother's severe arthritis, they were there to make sure she went in service, even in the dead of winter, which is the most painful time of year for arthritic patients. When I was in middle school, I really began hating my mother for dragging me into this religion. It seemed to me that she was becoming a robot, doing whatever they said. I started smoking, drinking and doing drugs at the tender age of 13, in rebellion. I even tried to run away from home, because I felt like I didn't belong in a house where your parents don't listen to you. When the police found me and brought me home, the first thing my mother said when I walked in the door...was not "oh god i was worried sick about you", or no hug or kiss, not even "if you ever do that again...." All she said is..."the elders will be waiting for you when you get back from school. You have some explaining to do to them." She wasn't even my mother anymore!!!! After awhile, I stopped the whole silly rebellion/fitting-in-with-the-crowd thing, and tried to live according to the bible. I stopped my drug usage, drinking, got good grades in school. But I couldn't stop smoking. I lied so many times to the elders because I was taught to be afraid of them. Eventually, that all faded, and I was back to being the obnoxious, loudmouth I was before. I stopped going to class, fell into a depression and even dabbled in Wicca. I didn't really know what to do with myself. The Witnesses are always preaching about accurate knowledge...Well where did all that knowledge get me? I had all of this knowlegde from countless hours of meetings and bookstudies, and conventions and research. Sure, I could debate anybody about the bible, and usually win. I impressed people twice my age because I knew twice as much as they did about bible history, linguistics of the bible, terminolgy, bible characters, the book of Revelation. I pretty much knew it all. Because I lacked enough credits to graduate, I dropped out of school and started working. My mother is still faithfully attending meetings every week, but she always comes home in a depressed mood. When I ask her what is wrong, she tells me no one talks to her, someone told her a rumor about me, or something like that. I dissassociated myself almost two yrs. ago, because I didn't feel right belonging to an organization that I wasn't sure was correct. Sometimes I miss going to the Hall, but usually those feelings dissapate when I think of all the backstabbing. I'll have you know that the very woman who first helped my mother get her apartment, told her that she felt sorry for her, because she had such a horrible daughter that Jehovah was going to destroy at Armaggedon!!! Because of my experiances, I suffer from depression, and I am completely turned off by all religions. I do believe in the bible, and I do believe in God. But I want NOTHING to do with a religious organization, especially any that proclaim to be the truth...because NO ONE KNOWS THE TRUTH!!!
Thank you for reading my story.
Joanne, NJ

hippikon

Thanks for telling - Hope you stay. You seam to be intelligent so I think you will like it here.

Angharad

Hi Angelo

Welcome to the forum, thanks for sharing you experience.

logical

Hi Joanne,

Although I never went through what you did in the WTS I can still relate to you. Im SO glad you got out of that twisted evil org, its a shame that your mother is conditioned to behave the way she did, but theres always hope.

I have come to the same conclusion regarding God, the Bible and religion....

I believe in Jah and the Bible...

Religion is EVIL.

Hope you stick around here.

Seeker

Welcome, Joanne. Your story is sadly familiar to many of us, and as you stick around here you will see your instincts about the religion were correct. In fact, you may find you didn't know the half of it!

You'll find acceptance and love here, and we're glad to have you.

Prisca

Thanks for sharing your story. You've had a difficult life and I am sure you will benefit from the great people here on this site.

Welcome to the board!

outnfree

Hi, Angel!

Thank you for posting your story. At first, I thought it was going to be "unique" because the Witnesses actually demonstrated Christian love by sheltering and clothing your mother and you. But it swiftly degenerated into another sad tale of how unlovingly Jehovah's Witnesses treat anyone who cannot fit nicely into the mold of a model JW. I am sorry you had such a crummy experience.

Welcome to this board where you can be free to share your thoughts.

outnfree

mommy

Joanne,
WOW! I am so glad you were able to share with us. I am sure you feel alot better telling your story, I hope you stick around. There are many of us who walked away from the JW faith because of the lack of love in it. And often when you are inside the elders or others will tell you it is because of individual worshippers. This is not so IMO. The unloving feelings are started by the org. They made us feel like we are right and everyone else is wrong. If you are able to look at a person and feel superior to them, of course you will have feelings that will be interpretted as unloving.

Anyway, I am glad you found us, and please stick around!
wendy

think41self

Hi Joanne,

Thank you for sharing your painful experiences with us, and I too hope you stick around.

I will say I am glad that the Witnesses were somewhat helpful and kind to your mom. There are some very good and loving people in that religion, and their inner kindness was used for your benefit. It is too bad it didn't stay that way, but that is the way of control groups, you have to be a follower, not a thinker.

I hope you find understanding and acceptance here, as so many have
P.S. Angelofmuzic....from Phantom of the Opera? Loved that!

Think41self

SlayerLayer

Hi Joanne,

I just wanted to add my hopes that you stick around for a while. Thank you for sharing your story. You aren't alone. I too dabbled in Wicca. I too have no belief in the bible or any religion. You will find that many here feel the same. I'm glad you're here, and hope to see more of you.

Chris

I'd like to tell you all my unique story...

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