For all those who have started or answered abuse threads lately.. :) (page 2)

reboot

((((((Valis,Calamity jane;that's one of my favourite films...:).... Special K. Simon))))

((((((nos))))))) I think it's perfectly acceptable for you to be unable to forgive if your mother if she won't admit to hurting you.I think parents like her do really know what they've done- putting the guilt back on you and saying it's in your imagination is awful for you, she's just in denial-but it'll bite at her concience if she has one-and if not-you've done it , you've told her -she knows-I expect she's ashamed but unable to admit it to herself.It took my father 37 years to appologise to me-it may still happen...

(((((Sphere)))) her actions must be heartbreaking for you.But sometimes I think that we're scared to initiate conversations, and forget that the abuser is probably really scared that we'll bring it up.Which I guess, gives us the power.....if you ever feel you want to bring it up that can help.And once it's out it feels so calming-and it's like throwing the burdon back at them- they have to deal with it-you've passed it on.I hope if you want to you'll be able to one day.:)

((((talesin))))) happy birthday!!!!!!!!! wow, you've really worked hard.Thats an incredible commitment for peace in your family-Im so happy it's working out for you all.

(((((lady lee))))) I find it amazing that abusive parents who continue to wound can have such amazing children.We all have so much capacity to forgive and want to help them see what they did, even though it caused such pain for us all.Your father sounds like he's scared to let his guard down and your mother sounds sad :( i'm going through an abuse court case with a family member at the moment and her whole family's chosen to reject her rather than face up to the abuse and support her...) It really upsets me to think a parent would rather alienate their child than help them.I'd die for mine.At least yours know that you remember and that means they have to confront it in their mind even though they won't admit it publically. Perhaps the best way we can show them we can move on is to tell them when they're ready to admit to their mistakes we'll consider calling them a parent.

reboot

(((((mouthy)))))

(((((shotgun)))Well, I kind of connected with him shotgun; I did'nt forgive him ,but I acknowledged that I understood that he did'nt know how to deal with his temper and frustration except in a violent way.

I know; you look at them sleeping and you'd defend them with your life...I think i spoke to him as I wanted to know if I was unlovable or whether he had a reason for not showing me any love.

At least I know now I was lovable but he was just incapable of showing it.He died shortly afterwards and I find it difficult to visit my mother's grave now as he's there too- but I do feel if we can just talk about all this we can put the emphisis back on them , making them responsible for putting right hte relationship with their children instead of playing the child themselves and running away from what they've done.(((((((How you doing?))))))

jst2laws

wow ((((((Reboot))))))

You have made remarkable progress in recovering. And to express yourself like this is good for others. Thanks for sharing this.

STeve

reboot

((((((((((steve)))))))))))))) do you know how much your voice calms me?i need a recording for when I meditate... lol

LittleToe

Words are insufficient:
(((Reboot)))

gespro

{{{ReBoot}}}

I am so very happy that you got the closure alot of us seek from our abusers!!! I know it was rough and I'm so sorry for the abuse you had...

After many years [many, many years] of trying to figure out what happened to me, my wife found two folks who live in my town who are on the right track. They are husband and wife, M.D. and Therapist Charles and Barbara Whitfield with several great books between them on this subject. After dealing with doctors for half of my life, it took me a week to realize they are on the right track and now I have what I consider some very valuable tools. Check out these links:

http://www.tl.infi.net/~susanf/

http://www.cbwhit.com/

I do hope this helps those who are still searching for help...

galaxy7

Reboot, I am at loss for words, your story touched me. As I ponder what you have said Im sure it will help me find my way

God Bless you

sunshineToo

Oh, my god! reboot, that sounds so terrible. {{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{reboot}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}} Just thinking about what you and your mom had to go through makes me cry.

Angharad

(((((Reboot))))))

LyinEyes

(((((((((((Reboot))))))))))) I understand what you mean . Reading your written words, about the pain and suffering you saw, experienced, your spirit still shines thru.

I really think that as long as a persons spirit ( that fighting, survivor spirit) is still there, even if it is weakened, they can build it up and be strong again. You were probably a very strong child , having to live in that home. You learned from a young age to be a fighter,,,,,,,that carries over into adulthood,,,,you always feel you have to fight to survive , ya know . It takes time to learn to trust, and sometimes to even be touched with friendly hugs.

Reboot,,,,,,,,,,,,you sound like a wonderful person and I would love to have the chance to give you a hug someday, until then,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,((((((((((hugs)))))))))))love , Dede

For all those who have started or answered abuse threads lately.. :)

Share this