THEY'RE CALLING MY BOSS!!

by new light 33 Replies latest jw experiences

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  new light

  I've been using the walk away, avoid elder contact play for a couple of months now. My boss (an MS in a different cong.) leaves me a message saying that the elders from my hall called him at his meeting last night. They just won't leave well enough alone! My boss is cool, even though he is a devoted follower, he hasn't come off as judgemental, only sincerely wanting to help me in his JW way. He says that I'm a grown man and I should talk to the elders. I know he's right, I just don't want to be DF'ed, which is inevitable unless I play ball. I just want to be inactive. I'll keep my viewpoints away from the herd. Why can't I just live peacefully? Has anyone else gone through this? I thought only bill collectors resorted to this kind of harassment. Apparently, I was wrong.

  New Light
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  avishai

  Tell your boss you respect him, but you think his behavior is unprofessional. They say from the platform not to mix business at the KH, and that you would also like the reverse to be the case as it does not affect or involve your job performance.
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  new light

  I have thought about getting a new job, but I don't want to/ shouldn't have to. This whole situation is just so wrong!

  Granted, my boss should not bring up anything religious, and it is unprofessional, but I don't really blame him. It's just his twisted way of showing love and in reality after about 30 seconds he starts talking about his problems that I get paid to listen to. It's the elders that I hold responsible. They've overstepped the bounds of concern and now the whole thing stinks of a dirt-finding, evidence-gathering, committee fest.
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  itsallgoodnow

  Zey hev VAYZ of making you talk! That is pretty creepy though. Sorry they have caught up with you. Hope this doesn't make things too weird at work.
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  Jared

  they used my mom to get to me...she lured me to lunch and as I like to refer to it, 'served me with papers'. she handed me a letter from the elders which said that I would be dfed due to information they had about me (which was second hand from my mom) but I knew they couldnt without talking to me...anyway, I went before them...cried a little bit...lied a little bit...and then months later...i moved three states away..I call it the 'lie and move' tactic. feel free to use it, works wonders. and if you dont want to lie...just look at it this way, they've been lying to you all this time...an eye for an eye my friend...

  do I sound bitter?? I hope I dont come across bitter...(JW JERKS!)
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  Scully

  new light writes:

  He says that I'm a grown man and I should talk to the elders.

  OK. The first part of that sentence is correct. You know that you're a grown man.

  The second part of the sentence "and I should talk to the elders" is worth challenging.

  • Is it true? NO
  • Does it serve your best interests? NO
  • Does it advance and protect your well-being? NO
  • Does it help you to achieve your goals? NO

  Talking to the elders because they think you should means that you are buying into their authority trip. Don't give them any power over you by agreeing to meet with them.

  Try revising your sentence this way: I am a grown man and I can decide who I meet with or not, and I choose not to meet with JW elders. I want them to leave me alone and will not provide opportunities for them to interfere with my life. You will be amazed at how strong and confident it will make you feel to say those words.

  Now, the other problem is your MS-boss. He should not be using work time for religious reasons. And he certainly should not be taking opportunities to religiously harass you and try to arrange for elders meet with you by virtue of your working in the same office. You're entitled to a harassment-free workplace, and likely your boss has a boss of his own. You can tell your boss that you feel it is not appropriate to discuss religious issues at work (it isn't) and that you'd appreciate it if he stopped. Say that you don't want either of you to get into difficulty or create an environment that is uncomfortable for your other co-workers over any religious discussions. Put it in a memo and KEEP A COPY so that
  (a) you have documentation of the incident(s) which you can furnish to his superior(s) if necessary, and
  (b) so that you don't have to endure an awkward conversation with someone who is clearly crossing professional boundaries.

  Love, Scully
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  freedom96

  They are really trying aren't they? I would just tell them that you just cannot get together at this time, too much emotional stuff going on, any excuss will work.
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  new light

  Thank you Scully! Your words about deciding who I do/don't talk to ring true. I feel so much better and I have not compromised. I am really tempted to call one right now and ask him just what it is he needs to know so badly about me. Better wait till I calm down before I do anything foolish. BTW, my boss also owns the company. Not that he would fire me or anything, but I am quite aware of discrimination laws and will press charges if necessary. Mainly, I just feel bad that he is being put in the middle of this. He needs to tell the elders his position, that he does not want to be involved. I am not saying a word to them until I'm good and ready to be shunned. Man, if only I was born into a nice, cult-free family, this wouldn't be happening. Why didn't I learn the first time I was Df'ed? Why did I come crawling back for more? RRRRRRRRRRRR!!!!!!!!
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  95stormfront

  He says that I'm a grown man and I should talk to the elders.

  Scurly bastards....trying to tap into and question your manhood and pride to get their way. That same attitude works the way of "I'm a grown man and as such, I get to choose when , if, and where I want to talk to anybody.

  Would he really think it appropriate to tell a sister, "he's your husband......you really should give him a blowjob" is she didn't want to.

  Oh...wait........they might just do that.
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  Sunspot

  After being igored for MONTHS when I was sick, and when I finally wrote to the elders to tell them I wanted no part of a lying organization and I wished to be left alone (MY choice now)----they couldn't WAIT to harass me.

  I didn't answer the door (they ALWAYS hit here right after hubby went to work-how brave) ad ignored my answering machine...andafter a few months--THEY BEGAN TO GO TO WHERE MY HUBBY WORKED and asked HIM if he would "get" me to call them to set up a visit!!!! (My hubby was never a JW) That made me even MORE upset at their "tactics"!!!

  They had absolutely NO business going after my hubby that way, any more than your "boss" has in butting in with YOUR business! They seem to feel that they can take all kinds of liberties in cases like this.

  Stand your ground---they are NOT in control of what you do!

  hugs,

  Annie