It's almost 32 years since I left the JW religion. A bunch of us left around the same time, some were DF'd, some weren't, one or two went back into the witnesses over the years.
One of the DF'd one's became re-instated and last year I had the pleasure of sending him the letter that we sent to every congregation in the UK, the letter that announced that the WT was an NGO and, incidentally, the whole shebang was full of paedophiles and you lot were going to be on telly nexy week in BBC's Panorama!
I digress..
Anyway, one thing quickly became very clear to those of us that were left. Just because we were ex-witnesses wasn't a guarantee that we were going to all get along together. Matter of fact, it was only the being a witness that gave us any common ground at all. Now that we were out, the common tie was gone. Simply being an ex was not enough reason for us to stay friends.
Another factor came into play, one that was confirmed for me in the book "Emotional Intelligence" by Daniel Goleman. This was the simple fact that, although at the time we were all into our 20's and 30's, few of us had actually experienced a proper adolescence.
Consequently, this resulted in most of us having had our maturation processes seriously impaired. We were actually just like squabbling kids much of the time, simply because we had not gone through the full process of becoming our own person and maturing through our mistakes.
We'd always been told what to do, what to think. All our interactions with others were supplied from a text book or magazine. We'd never been left to our own devices, we'd never been allowed to flounder or swim and so learn from our experiences. In later years I learned that some members of the Armed forces have similar problems when they go back into civvy street, simply because someone else was doing all of their thinking for them.
So back to why many ex's are fated to quarrel amongst themselves. I don't think that it's an endless thing for the individual, rather it's a necessary process that has to be worked through.
I think that ex-JW boards will always have quarrels and spats from time to time as more newbies find their feet and want, for the first time in their lives, to be listened to.
It's only when we stay rooted in this phase that problems can occur and maturation impeded. It's been my fortunate experince to meet many ex's face to face. Some of those who have been somewhat abrasive at one time, have later turned out to be wonderfully kind friends that I love dearly.
But...it's a cycle and I think we'll always have flare ups.
Englishman.