EX-JW's Fated To Quarrel.

by Englishman 14 Replies latest jw friends

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  Englishman

  Just an additon to my earlier post:

  Some might remember that I once posted that I had gone through 2 serious bouts of depression some years after I had left the witnesses. This was actually seized upon by my JW relatives as proof that I had "Turned my back on Jehovah", come back, Michael, all will be forgiven. Yuck.

  With the knowledge that I have gained over the years, I have come to understand that the maxim: "Repression of agression will lead to depression" is indeed true.

  Whereas most folk simply act on instinct during their maturation phase, the JW can't do that. When he/she leaves the organisation, all those long trapped feelings and frustrations come rushing to the surface. A person in their 20's and over may well be married with a family and repress all those long supressed emotions. Often someone may feel that they are going to be overwhelmed by these emotions and wonder if they aren't actually going insane. So they repress the emotions and this can indeed cause depression.

  Of course, another problem arises when aggression surfaces in that one can't simply blow one's top wherever one happens to be at the time, whether it be in company or maybe at work. Golman's book explains how to "bracket" this emotion without actually suppressing it. This involves acknowledging our rage and simply putting it to one side to deal with later, thereby allowing the suppressed emotion room to move.

  Everyone, IMHO, carries some rage with them, however I suspect that ex-JW's are burdened with more rage than most folk.

  Englishman.
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  Xena

  Most of us spent our early years being taught that our way was the only way. Anyone who didn't agree with us was misguided, demonized or totally unreasonable...and that was that. I think it takes some time to get past that mentality and learn that you can disagree with, or be disagreed with, someone without having to label them as stupid, unreasonable or a woman with "issues".
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  Love_Truth

  Englishman,

  Your analogy likening Miliary service to the JWs is a very good one, indeed. In addition, your comment on emotional maturity rings true.

  As regards the statement that "JWs are fated to quarrel", I would say, no more so than a member of the general population. We all see things differently, based upon our own unique genetics, experiences, and subsequent paths we choose, or not choose, to take.

  Cheers,

  Love_Truth- couldn't resist "quarreling".
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  Lady Lee

  I've been thinking about this a lot lately E-man

  Adolescents seem to need that period of time to rebel at their parents and find out "Who am I?" Since most of us were not allowed to go through that phase we missed out on the yelling matches with our parents that helped us define ourselves as separate from them. The organization took the place of real parents (and the real parents absolved themselves of the role handing us over to the borg.)

  So here we are on the outside trying to define "Who am I?" and we have no parent to yell at to help us with the process. No parent to guide us. No rules to be obeyed. And like teens who need to find our way we have no role models except each other.

  So I think that often the rebellion that we need to act out with towards our parents winds up being acted out on each other - or on Simon and the mods since they are the ones who make or enforce the rules on this board.

  And like teens some of us negotiate the phase easier than others.. We can't skip the phase. We have to go back and go through it and hopefully come out the other end much wiser. The book Emotional Intelligence was excellent in helping me to see some of this

  It sure is interesting to watch sometimes.
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  itsallgoodnow

  You are talking about me when you describe some of the trouble with aggression or expressing opinions and the long process of learning to how think and react instead of referring to others for how I should think. I feel I'm too aggressive about my opinions and that could be the result of just now learning how to do this, and there's a need to grow up about it. I'll check out the book you mentioned. Thanks for having such a patient attitude toward the newbies!