The Watchtower is the master of the double standard.
We hate child abuse! (but we don't call the authorities unless it's required by law).
A person who sexually abused children would never be appointed an elder! (well, hardly ever, just under certain circumstances, like a whole year passed since he got caught, or we really need elders, or no one found out about it, or....)
We never pass the collection plate, because God loves a cheerful giver! (but we send multiple request for donations in a month and forced congregations to pony up all their cash).
We value honesty in all things, going so far as to disfellowship chronic liars! (but we use 'theocratic warfare' and lie about our history, beliefs and practices).
The United Nations is the scarlet colored beast as spoken of in Revelations, it's existence is an affront to god! (but we secretly joined it, then lied about the reason).
Families are very important to us! (but we break them up with our harsh disfellowshipping policies).
We care about our young people! (But we have the lowest retention rate of any religion).
We don't allow gossip (unless it's done by the elders of course).
Our congregations are a spiritual paradise ! (but don't ask us about the suicides and depression rates).
Jehovah is a happy God! (But he is really, really hard to please, mess up and you die at the big A).
Preaching the good news about God's kingdom is the most important thing we do! (But most of the hours reported are either exaggerated, completely faked or spent on aimless driving around and coffee breaks.