After 10 months of fading, the elders are gonna pay me a visit.... (page 2)

freedom96

When the elders would come to my door, I simply told them this was not a good time.

Fading possibly allows you to get prepared to be labeled and shunned--if one can ever be prepared for that. It gives you a bit of extra time to freely move around other JW's and be included as a "member", even if you are considered "weak". Fading may "protect" family members and close friends, so they can still feel able to be comfortable around you. Your wife is the most important person, and you've been up front with her. You can simply make yourself unavailable to the brothers--but we all know that only lasts for a period of time.

Do you attend meetings just to please your wife? You may wish to re-consider, if you are firm in your decision. If you are hanging on by attending a few meetings and doing a week bit of token service, you are still sending mixed messages. Sincere members may believe you need encouragement and some will be genuiene in their attempts to "help" you. So don't be surprised if some actually do try to show you love and compassion in the "JW way". It is very difficult for a JW to hear that someone just doesn't "believe anymore". They immediately assume that gross sin is present, and so they are afraid. This is the dogmatic cult at it's best. They will soon react to you out of this fear.

They only have power over you if you give them that power. Fading works for many, but in the end, you will stand strong unto yourself. You owe no one an explanation at all. This is your life and your choice. You have to listen to your own heart.............."listen, it will tell you"...

Best wishes.

/<

yxl1

Do everything that Sentinel said, its good advice. However, I recall from your previous posts your wife is a pretty diehard dub (I'm talking about your best mates wedding thingie). Just keep your head to the ground and watch yourself. If things do go badly, at least your best mates already been DF, so you'll both have something in common..; )

Doubtfully Yours

If you want to really frustrate the heck out them, just be pleasant and agreeable for the time they're there; then go right back to being yourself and not attending a whole lot of meetings, low service hours, etc.

If and when we get out next elder's visit, I plan on telling them how I feel ever since the '1914' generation fiasco, and also the fact that they changed the wording in the 'Millions Now Living...' literature (Spanish version); that nothing is so important or pressing to me anymore since, and it all has become quite boring really.

Many times I wonder how will they react in light of my comments.

DY

itsallgoodnow

Depends on if you want to be DAd or not. If not, it's pretty easy to stay off of their radar, even if you don't change or increase your activity. What I have been doing is just saying" uh huh, yes" and not giving any info if they ask why I think I've slowed down, just "I don't know" or some other vague thing, so then they will just decide for you why and say you are spending too much time at work or not studying enough and if you don't want to change your situation, it's not hard to just maneuver around this kind of thing without making waves. Just hope they don't want to take over your family bible study or something, I would refuse that one.

I'm in your situation, too for now, but not married, just dealing with parents and family. Eventually I'm going to just come out with it and stop all of this nonsense. In your case, you are married and that's much more long term than my situation, so I couldn't say how to handle it. Just if you want to stay there and not get DA'd, it's not too hard, you just can't be honest with anyone about it.

garybuss

Hi Agent,

In these parts, a person with a Witness wife who tagged in 2 hours a month on the service report and attended 75% of the meetings would be considered a good Witness. A Witness in good standing is one you would ask to come over and till your non-Witness mother's garden a week after he had bypass surgery and one you'd ask to borrow his new pick up to go get a load of crushed rock for a third Witness he doesn't even know. :-) GaryB

Stefanie

Thoughts are with you ASmith. Just becareful with the wife, she could turn on you. Its too bad that this religion is one where your relationship with your loved ones has to come second or third.

Double Edge

Just nod a lot. You might even want to drool a bit. They don't know how to handle that. *grin*

ROFL...

cyber-sista

According to the advice I have gleaned from others and a good therapist who is skilled in dealing with the cult experience that one of things that is healthy for some (no blanket statements here) when dealing with the elders or other JWs is to just be polite, keep your composure, don't give them any info, in fact, rehearse what you will say and say the same thing over and over again...To the elders my little speech is: Thanks , but it is really best for me not to talk right now...If they insist--I just say thank you, but please listen--It is best for me to not talk right now..Just keep doing the broken record thing until they go away, or just say it and close the door or walk away--.You don't have to give any reasons or explanations of why it is best to not talk....They will soon get tired of the game and they will become frustrated knowing they are no longer in control and nothing they can say will change your script. Now you have the power...

I have used the same thing with other JWs if they want to talk about religion in any way. If i meet them on the street and they say something like "missed you at the meetings" I just say thanks, or thank you for thinking of me and don't let it go any further a long those lines.. If they ask me some kind of a JW question I just use the old script on them...you know it is really best if I don't talk about this right now---I did say to one sister recently--you know I can't really talk about this because it involves the elders (this shut her up real quick) but this may not be entirely safe to use on some. Having this rehearsed script helped me to set up some boundaries and helped me to feel safer. I know now I dont' have to come up with any tricky answers or reasonings with them (I did this for 2 years preciously and it exhausted me and got me nowhere but closer to losing my mind). Maybe there are exceptions to the rules with some, but like I said I exhausted myself trying to reason with them. Keep in mind it remember it doesn't help to try and reason with unreasonable people.

There is an oriental martial art form called Aikido. It is just defensive-- the energy used by the one defending themselves is not their own energy, but the energy that comes from the attacker. By one small movement the attacker can be rendered helpless with very little output from the one defending themselves. Just a small twist of the wrist or a small step and a very small person can disable a giant. It can be done verbally too...

Maverick

You mentioned that it took them this long to realize you are not doing well spiritually. I disagree. Stop thinking like a dud. You are seeing that what they are doing has little to do with what is truly spiritual. You may not be doing the "good little brain-dead dud" things but that has absolutely nothing to do with God or things spiritual. Maverick

After 10 months of fading, the elders are gonna pay me a visit....

Share this