My heart is broken..... (page 2)

Mulan

I feel so badly for you. It is hard to give up the "caregiver hat". I had to do the same thing in November, for my mother, who has osteoporosis. It was best for her (and for me, ultimately) to have her go into assisted living.

In your situation, I know it's different, but sometimes "helping" is "enabling".

A friend of mine complains all the time about how she has to buy her son's insulin (the insurance co-pay is $30), phone bill, and many of his groceries because he never has enough money. He is a journeyman electrician, making almost $40 an hour, not married, lives alone. Why doesn't he have money? He also uses drugs and smokes, and has money for that. I told her she is actually buying his drugs and his cigarettes, but of course she doesn't see it that way.

I know you will be fine, and your aunt will be taken care of.

mouthy

What a difficult thing to do!!! But if it is any consolation-I truly think your enabling her to carry on "using" She will have supervision where she is. But is she cant be left a lone -then it is a temptation for her. It is hard for you-but I have learned in my many years if you really love something you SOMETIMES have to let them go ( not in your heart) in your handl ing ,,, Maybe it will be a turning point for her. ((((HUG)))) you were so kind to care for her. I know it can be very difficult living with an Acholic.......

Joyzabel

(((Strawberryfields))))

I hope YOU have the strength to get through this.

She will kill herself if I don't help her

maybe..........but she is already slowly killing herself. It is the choices SHE has made, whether in her "right" mind or not.

May I suggest you attend some AlAnon meetings, the ones for family, friends of alcoholics/chemical dependents.

Show your love for her by letting the professionals help if get "dried out". You may think it is love, but many times you are enabling her with her addictions, like others have said here.

Educate yourself on the disease of alocoholism/chemical dependency. I feel it is a disease but we are not without choices in our lives.

Sending hugs your way.

Joy

talesin

{{{strawberry}}}

You can only love her, you cannot make her love herself. Just keep on doing what you're doing.

It's hard to be so 'alone', I understand {{{hugs}}}

tal

patio34

So sad StrawberryFields.

I went thru a situation with some similar components and saw a therapist (recommended) while going thru it. I also went to Al-Anon (recommended). One of their tenets that stuck with me and gave me strength was:

Give the person the dignity to make their own choices and live their own lives. And also to face the consequences.
Four Cs: You didn't cause it, you can't control it, you can't cure it, but you can cope with it.

And Melody Beattie says in one of her co-dependency books (I strongly recommend them!):

every adult person, unless they're retarded, has the capability to live their own lives. They'll get angry with you and insist they don't, but don't fall for it.

And what I learned about myself is that being a "rescuer" wasn't a bad thing and it did fulfill a need I had. But there are good ways to fill those needs of helping (volunteer, etc.). Being a rescuer means you have empathy, compassion, love, and nurturing skills.

All the best,

Pat

kat2u

I know quite a few people who have gotten to this painful point recently with loved ones.It is a very difficult choice to make.But just the fact that you have been there for her up till this point is a wonderful thing. You should feel proud of yourself

I think one of my biggest fears in life is being alone, so I know that part will be very difficult.But I do know of those that actually come to enjoy it though they never thought they would.

As for missing family. This forum is a good place to find some new family members.that you can CHOOSE for yourself!

Love and support, Kat

Nikita

(((((((((Strawberry)))))))))))

Leslie/Nikita

reboot

She needs 24 hour supervision, something I cannot give her.

((((((((((((strawberry)))))))))))) that's why you should'nt feel bad, you've given her what she needsBe proud of yourself for behaving so responsibly.and just think how good it will be to visit her and possibly see her getting betteryou're a

Strawberryfieldsforever

Thank you for all your caring comments. And thank you for helping me to see that I would be enabling her by allowing her to come home and continue her behavior. I found out today that she will be going into treatment for awhile and then into an adult foster home or assisted living home.....They interviewed her and she also has suicidal thoughts, not something I can deal with. If I come home from the job and find her dead....I will totally flip out.

Thank you patio34 for reminding me of the four c's. This is something I should write down and say to myself.

The only thing I can do now is try to find the inner peace that I desperately need and come to grips with the decision I made. I hope someday she will see that I love her and didn't abandon her. Again...thank you all.

orangefatcat

Dearest Strawberry,

hon don't be down on yourself for what you have done. You did do the right thing as hard as it was, she will be the better for it and some day she will come to you and have tears flowing down her face and thank you for saving her from a live that is worse than death.

Be strong for yourself and her and I know it will all work out. It hurts more when you love someone very deeply, and that is the tough part. I think deep down your aunt knows she needs help. Sometimes they fight that help all the way, but when they do wake up and realize that you did it to safe her from herself she will thank you. I can tell you this, that if you were my niece I would be greatful to have you help me. Now Chin up and be at peace. She will get there one day.

All my love and best wishes

Orangefatcat.

My heart is broken.....

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