Love and Choices

YoursChelbie

Do we choose who we fall in love with?

For example: A man married for only a few months notices another married woman at work. They get to talk and find that they have lots in common. Soon they are going out alone on lunch dates. They make plans in advance to continue to go out alone. They really enjoy having long discussions about work and also about their personal lives. After a few months, they realize that there is nothing that one will not do for the other. They are most happy when they are together and feel that they are in love. Does this mean:

A. The man clearly was never really in love with his wife since just a few months after the wedding he's pracitcally head over heels in love with someone else. or

B. He was very much in love with his wife but one cannot control who one falls in love with. It just so happens that he found out later that he loves someone else more than he does his wife.

So, is love a deliberate decision? A well-thought-out choice?

Or is it like a strong gust of wind that takes over our lives and no one can predict its course or resist its force?

YoursChelbie

reboot

A. The man clearly was never really in love with his wife since just a few months after the wedding he's pracitcally head over heels in love with someone else. or
B. He was very much in love with his wife but one cannot control who one falls in love with. It just so happens that he found out later that he loves someone else more than he does his wife.

I think it's all about timing.We change as time goes by.We all have friends that fitted a certain time in our lives- but we moved on from them...Perhaps the wife was the person he had felt most strongly about in his life; so he married her; thinking 'this is it, the one'.Perhaps if he'd not met someone he felt more strongly about he'd want to stay married to her forever, but the woman he met has made him question whether he should give up his marriage for a stronger love.

Perhaps the question is'nt about who he loves more..but whether or not he wants to keep to the promises he made his wife.When you promise to stay faithful it dos'nt say it's going to be easy.

I suppose you'd have to weigh up both sides.Is living without the new woman too painful to comtemplate? or would hurting his wife be too painful to live with?

gespro

YoursChelbie -

In my observances with life here on earth, I've seen and experienced some amazing things on the love/romance topic.

I am well aware of how fickle one can be.

I am aware of how a catalyst can cause one to respond to everything good around them.

Let me put it plainly: I've seen us creatures have a gaze of love for everyone when we are out in public. A woman sitting at a table in a restaurant looking lovingly into the face of her man. He steps out (to use the restroom or phonecall) and she is sitting there with the same look for everyone (well, not everyone- maybe it was just at me). I didn't take it personal. Maybe she just looks lovely like that or she is so smitten with feelings she can't help herself. 20 years ago, I would have thought that was an invitation to come over (I know some guys who wouldn't care who she was with and they would be at the table talking to her) but, maturity tells me different. It was up to me to interpret that look as someone in love with someone else and she was in an afterglow.

I do know first hand the feelings one could have right after being married. Men and women can be fickle for whatever reason (bad childhood comes to mind for myself- insecureties, jealousy, conqueror, horndog, etc). I've known men andwomen to do the same thing you've described.

An old girlfriend would beat me over the head with 'There's no such thing as you're the only one' and I tend to agree with her now. It's a matter of committing to the one and sticking with that one. If not, the person wasn't ready to be married in the first place. 9I, for one, should not have thought about marriage a second time until I made myself whole and not throw my baggage onto my mate.

I think about that song 'You're One In a Million' and it makes sense to me personally because there are millions of people alive today and out of that there is going to be compatability with about one thousand of them. Do I make sense?

I hope this helps...

g

kat2u

Im not sure if this fits exactly but It brought to mind something I read once in a card.

Out of the billions of people on this earth I fugure maybe 5000 of them could have been a good match for me.So when you think of the odds Arnt we Lucky?

flower

Perhaps he doesnt really know what love is in the first place. Perhaps he is drawn to whatever is new and different.

Sounds like 'grass is always greener' syndrome to me.

SpiceItUp

I think perhaps this man is in love with the idea of being "in love"

true/real love is much stronger that what this man seems to have with either woman.

gespro

Sincerely, though...

I have an idea!!!

Let's all give our definition of what love is!

Flower - you first...

joannadandy

So, is love a deliberate decision? A well-thought-out choice?
Or is it like a strong gust of wind that takes over our lives and no one can predict its course or resist its force?

Probably a little of both in my book. I think to some extent you can choose who you fall in love with, and what you are willing to persue. However, you can't always deny what your attracted to...

Mostly I just hate people who remove all personal responsibility from themselves and say that they were unable to control themselves it was love at first sight and they were powerless to stop it. That is a bunch of voodoo mumbo jumbo that is totally out-dated!

Of course this could just be the control freak in me speaking...I hate to think any force is my life it out of my control...including who I fall in love with...

gespro

This feels like it could turn into male bashing when in fact this happens to 'people' in general. I'll bow out now if this is the case...

g

flower

Sincerely, though...
I have an idea!!!
Let's all give our definition of what love is!
Flower - you first...

I cant go first..I've never experienced what I would call 'true love'. I can only say that I think its more than just friendship that brings pleasure, more than intense sexual feelings, more than attraction and intimacy. All those things can exist without love and yet they are often confused with love. People love to have pleasure and so when being with a person (whether sexually or not) brings them pleasure they conclude that they are now in love this person. When a person fills a need for someone else....either being someone they can talk to or relate to, filling a sexual need, or being a shoulder to lean on...that often creates pleasure in that person which is interpreted as love. Most of the time that is not the case. Love is more than that....and all of that. Sealed with committment and an unconditional bond. but like i said...never been there so what would i know. ;)

Love and Choices

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