I'm Ordained and I'm Not Gonna Take it Anymore

gitasatsangha

I got myself ordained as a Reverend off the internet at Universal Life Church.

I figured it would be handy to get clergy parking and so on. But now I started thinking, hell Git, you can start your own damn religion and make money like the watchtower does.

So I've for a plan. I think I'll use Witness tactics and Unitarian openness and make a free an open cult of doom. I call it Universal Jehovah's Witnesses. I will reveal the truth as spoke to me through Bob Barker.. the Cosmic Spirit's active representative on earth though secret messages in the Price is Right, and you don't have to believe, just contribute to make use of the facility and day car and what not. Tax free.

We've been trained well as proselytizers. It's time we made some money off of this.

Valis

I am an ordained minister in the ULC.

http://www.ulc.org/

Sincerely,

District Overbeer of the "Disdained & Ordained" class

gitasatsangha

I'm glad you could guess what I was talking about, from my original blank post, fellow Reverend. I hate this laptop keyboard. I curse it so that it shall not be fruitful.

Rev. Righteous Malarkey of the UJW Synod

Phantom Stranger

Yeah, you, the Beatles, and Johnny Carson!

Narkissos

Congrats Revs!

So now you've got to "do that which is right" (saith the ULC site)...

I'll take care of that which is left...

Sirius Dogma

I was going to become of minister in the church of the subgenius, but then I decided oh fnord.

Really though, their proganda is nearly honest -

"Instant installation by professionals. NOT STORED IN ANY SOULS. ACCEPT NO SUBSTITUTES. NO OTHER MIND-CONTROL CULT CAN BEAT OUR LOW, LOW DEATH-DEALING PRICES! MONEY BACK GUARANTEE"

Now that is a pitch.

http://www.subgenius.com/

Praise Bob!

gitasatsangha

Well Jesus said something about the meek inheriting the earth. I've looked into the matter with vipassana, zazen etc and got to know myself and it turns out I'm not very meek, and I presume I'm not alone. So what we can clearly see is that when Jesus said this, he meant that the Non-Meek would get dibbs on what was left. Now earth is pretty much a $h/thole these days in most places, and that said I think its time to take up God Jr. on the offer.

The Proud Shall Inherit Everything Else shall be our creed. Time to start building a giant rocket like these folks out in Texas: www.armadilloaerospace.com

Valis

no pimples and a lift into space! big ups to the teens at armadilloaerospace! *LOL*

Sincerely,

District Overbeer

dustyb

i am a loyal follower of this Universal Jehovah's Witness cult, i mean truth!

Carmel

I won't join until I know what your prophecies are! Gol dang, you'd better have an auxillary for the Wanta Shes.

carmel

I'm Ordained and I'm Not Gonna Take it Anymore

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