After examining the list, it looks like 13 out of 20 are pretty straight-on, and the rest are either exaggerated, or just wise-ass comments.
Things You Have to Believe to Be a Republican Today - the annotated version:
1. Being a drug addict is a moral failing and a crime,
unless you're a conservative radio host. Then it's an
illness and you need our prayers for your recovery. Not really a Republican crack - just a shot at Dittoheads. And at that Sean Hannity doofus.
2. The United States should get out of the United
Nations, but our highest national priority should be
to enforce U.N. resolutions against Iraq. Not a Republican Party position - but one held by some outspoken conservatives who seem to own freeway roadsigns.
3. Government should relax regulation of Big Business
and Big Money, but crack down on individuals who use
marijuana to relieve the pain of illness. The two are not associated with each other, but this one seems accurate.
4. "Standing Tall for America" means firing your
workers and moving their jobs to India. While this is not an official GOP position, here's a link to the statistics re: exporting jobs and donating to Bush's campaign... http://www.misleader.org/daily_mislead/Read.asp?fn=df03102004.html
5. A woman can't be trusted with decisions about her
own body, but multinational corporations can make
decisions affecting all mankind without regulation. Again, unrelated, but accurate.
6. Jesus loves you and shares your hatred of
homosexuals and Hillary Clinton. I'm not certain that the GOP hates gays... but I am certain they hate Hillary, even if unoffically.
7. The best way to improve military morale is to
praise the troops in speeches while slashing veterans'
benefits and combat pay. This one really baffles me... I've never seen any justification for their cuts in combat pay and benefits.
8. Group sex and drug use are degenerate sins ...
unless you someday run for governor of California as a
Republican. Arnold does seem to get a free pass.. must be the Kennedy mystique.
9. If condoms are kept out of schools, adolescents
won't have sex. This does seem to be their position... no matter what the scientific evidence says.
10. A good way to fight terrorism is to belittle our
longtime allies, then demand their cooperation and
money. While phrased poorly, fundamentally accurate.
11. HMOs and insurance companies have the interest of
the public at heart. No...simple invocation of a group everyone hates.
12. Providing health care to all Iraqis is sound
policy. Providing health care to all Americans is
socialism. It is ironic, isn't it?
13. Global warming and tobacco's link to cancer are
junk science, but creationism should be taught in
schools. In general, a willingness to disregard research... really the same point made two different ways.
14. Saddam was a good guy when Reagan armed him, a bad
guy when Bush's daddy made war on him, a good guy when
Cheney did business with him and a bad guy when Bush
needed a "We can't find Bin Laden" diversion. Overstating the truth that the US has changed positions on Saddam, but wants to look virtuous for deposing him. 15. A president lying about an extramarital affair is
an impeachable offense. A president lying to enlist
support for a war in which thousands die is solid
defense policy. While not yet a proven fact, voices a legitimate fear of many citizens.
16. Government should limit itself to the powers named
in the Constitution, which include banning gay
marriages and censoring the Internet. Smartass comment.
17. The public has a right to know about Hillary's
cattle trades, but George Bush's MADD driving record
is none of our business. Points out a double standard... but his service record would be a more apt comparison.
18. You support states' rights, which means Attorney
General John Ashcroft can tell states which local
voter initiatives they have the right to adopt. Dead-accurate statement (sorry, I'm from Oregon).
19. What Bill Clinton did in the 1960s is of vital
national interest, but what Bush did in the '80s is
irrelevant. Again, highlighting another double standard.
20. Trade with Cuba is wrong because the country is
communist, but trade with China and Vietnam is vital
to a spirit of international harmony. Another double standard, highlighting commercial interests in China, but political interests in South Florida.
