Ian, What you are describing is a natural part of exiting a high control group. Margaret Singer Wrote about the phenomenon in her book Cults In Our Midst. It's inverse is called establishing and maintaining the pseudopersonality. In social psychology it's called doubling. When we emerge from the high control group we begin to loose the group established personality like the fading of a summer tan (Singer). The Witnesses used to call it "putting on the NEW PERSONALITY".
There is a personality the Witnesses want us to assume that makes us submissive, passive, pliable, and obedient. It's all reenforced by the instructions and guidelines, the modeling of other "mature" members, and the constant re-education in the group setting as well as by the "practice" we get by getting into costume and modeling the "new personality" for others at the 5 weekly meetings and in fundraising activities and real estate construction projects.
Elders and circuit overseers, district overseers and even governing body members have power inside the group and responsibilities but all the while they must be submissive, passive, pliable, and obedient. If they are not they MUST conform or be rejected.
There is a special problem for those of us raised in the group. We don't have an established non-group personality to return to. I wrote an article about this and it's on www.freeminds.org. Here a few lines from that article.
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A popular book, Cults in our Midst, By Margaret Thaler Singer (with Janja Lalich), Chapter 12, p. 302: Recovery; Coming out of the Pseudopersonality, contains these two sentences:
". . . I will explore . . . a kind of peeling off of the outer layer of identity that was taken on while in the cult. The process is a matter of recovering one's self and one's value system, and of keeping whatever good was learned during cult days while discarding all the not-so-good."
While this onion peel approach is interesting and I'm sure it applies to some individuals, maybe many individuals, it avoids the masses who were indoctrinated into these groups as children or as adolescents who had no other personality, no other training, and no other world views. The constant repetition of the group's world view became the core beliefs of the individual. Not an "outer layer". Not a pseudo-personality. The groups beliefs and practices made up the core of the predominant operating force of the young member. The human body became the person and beliefs plus experiences became the personality.
To approach the ejected high control group member like they have a disease like a rash that will go away if treated with enough reality or if treated with the doctrines of a counter believing high control group is adding insult to injury. All ejected high control group members are true believers to varying degrees. They are respectable and deserve respect. To approach the ejected true believer as having a veneer personality that when stripped away will reveal this underlying pliable, supple personality, waiting for the counselor or the pastor to mold would be wrong in many cases. For people raised in groups as children, the pseudopersonality is actually formed after leaving the group. The underlying core beliefs implanted so long ago by the group are still there. That is why so many are compelled to return after being away from the group many years. That is why so many former members have problems with religious rituals like Christmas and political opportunities like voting in public elections.
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http://www.freeminds.org/buss/pseudopersonality.htm
Congratulations Ian, Best wishes to you and your friends and family, GaryB
