what do i say?

pudd

I got a phone call last night from an old J.W. friend. She was very close at one time and is one of a very few who did not turn on me when I left.

I was not available to take her call so I rang back this morning. Her husband answered the phone and said she was not in but told me why she phoned me: her best friend has cancer (which I knew) but she has just been told that she is going to die, there is nothing the doctors can do.

The woman is only in her thirties, and was desperate to get married and have kids and lead a normal happy life. I am devastative myself as I knew her too, but my friend will be falling apart. I need to phone her today and I have no idea what to say.

I feel so helpless and guilty this is just not fair.

freein89

Just tell her how sorry you are and she will take it from there. You can be the listening ear and shoulder to cry on.

Deb

Sirona

Sometimes if we dont know what to say its best to just admit it. I found myself doing just that a few weeks ago. I just said "oh, I don't know what to say to help". Anyway, just be there for her and make it clear she can call you anytime or visit you anytime. That is worth a lot.

Sirona

Scully

Just offer to be there for her and listen. Perhaps she would like you to go with her to visit and say goodbye to this dying friend.

You don't have to know what to say, and it's perfectly ok to admit that. Sometimes a hug and shared tears say more than words can express, those are things we can all do.

Love, Scully

GreenDragon

Tell her you are so sorry that this has happened and go visit her or invite her over for a chit chat.

reboot

(((pudd))) the only thing you can do is to be there for them-I answered a similar thread yesterday and described the times my parents died and my friend was there for me both times-just there; I guess the best way I can describe it was that she took on the role of my mother, anticipating my needs and looking after me in a really quiet, simple way

.If this is over the phone because you're far away from her. you could call regularily, say, once a week-at the same time-so she can anticipate your call and look forward to having someone around she can let it all out too.As for the comfort issue re-resurrection etc-that's a toughie if she's still has that belief and you don't.Perhaps steer clear of it and just concentrate on suporting her so she can support your other friend.

I'm so sorry Pudd. My friend is dying of cancer too.She has three children, but is so positive and an inspiration to everyone she puts me to shame. Your friend's are lucky to have you worring so much about them...don't worry about what to say-it'll come naturally..you're very easy to talk to and a really insightful, kind person.(((pudd)))

pudd

Thanks every one,

I guess I was just so shocked when I heared that I didn't think I could deal with it.

((reboot)) you are right that this person is some distance away about 200 miles. so the phone is about the only way I can regularly be there for her.

I really care about my friend a lot and the trouble is I know we will both get very emotional. I know I have to be the strong one, and I am not sure I can.

well, thanks for your support. I am just going to ring her now.

pudd xxx

Sassy

just be her friend, throw the not being a JW stuff out of your head and focus on the fact that you care about her.. it wasn't her religion you cared about but the woman who called you. She must feel comfortable talking to you, so just be friends, be there for her.. You never know, it might make a difference one day if she ever has doubts, how loving you are..

pudd

sassy,

just got off the phone.

the lady that has cancer is apparently holding things together quite well, she has a strong witness faith but and is not afraid of dying. the only thing that bothers her is that in the ressurection there is apparently no marrage or child birth. she has remained single waiting for the right brother to come along all this time and now she believes she will never fulfill her greatest desire.

my friend however, the one who phoned me sees things a little differently. she is beside herself with grief and blames god. (yes she too is a witness) so it is hard to know what to say.

thanks again everyone for your support. I guess it is one of those situatons where I need to play it by hear.

Special K

(((( pudd ))))

Sometime crying together is good, too.

There is nothing like a true friend when you are going through things such as this.

sincerely

Special K

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