Hello. This is my first time here and feel pretty comfortable sharing my personal story with you guys. It's pretty long, so please forgive me in advance. Okay, well, I have been in a relationship with a man for two and a half years and we have a 6-month old baby boy. We are only engaged and have been for now one year. He was raised in the Truth, yet, I wasn't. Part of my family are witnesses, but it seems to me that they all have been pretty much hypocrites in their own way. My grandmother and grandfather were witnesses for a while, but one day, my grandfather left my grandmother with five children, my mother being one of them. My grandmother tried to continue to raise them in the Truth, but, I guess was too weak to do so since she was so devastated (Please forgive me if I'm just rumbling on and on. I just honestly have a lot to say and a lot has been on my mind, lately) Anyway, when my grandmother's kids were old enough to leave home, 3 out of 5 of them dropped out of the truth, my mother being one of them. She actually had me one week before her 18th birthday and had much more problems than the others. My mother has always had a bone to pick with the Truth, now. I don't know if she blames the Truth for her father leaving, or what, but she just can't stand the religion, now a days. So, I ended up being raised with no religion, until high school, which was in a Baptist Church. I visited my Aunt, one of two who still remained in the Truth, during the summer seasons. She actually married when I was born and became extremely ill months after she married a very well respected Elder. They were married for 16 years, I believe, and now my Uncle has left my Aunt with no money, no nothing, whatsover. She's in a shelter now, and now admits that she was physically abused along, with with him being extremely mentally ill, along with other things. My uncle had a nervous breakdown and, I'm assuming, couldn't handle all of the pressure of dealing with a seriously ill wife, and being a good elder, while keeping his composure. To this day, no one knows where he is, not even his own side of the family knows, either. I'm mentioning this because when I was living with my mother and in school, I visited them often, and they acted like everything was PERFECT. I looked up to them and even envied them. I grew up confused because my mother raised me in a Baptist church and my Aunt and Uncle tried to raise me in the Truth. To this day, I am still very very torn because now, I am in a deep, serious, loving relationship with a man that I met in school, and we're still together. I am kind-of shocked that we've made it this far because I have tried to break up the relationship with him a few times, due to me thinking that it will never work, and he still talks me back into it because he loves me to death and can't see us a part. I used to go to the meetings with him, but he wasn't really the 'model witness' from the get-go. He kind of just went every now and then. Then, things got serious, and now here we are. He says that he wants to get back on track, and raise our son and I in the Truth, but then, he does a 180 and hasn't been acting upon his words. I feel that I can go to the meetings every now and then, at least for now, but at the same time, I was raised with things that the Truth prohibits in my life and now I want to do those things, every now and then, as well. I'm so sorry if this is too confusing! I'm just torn on what I should do right now, because our wedding is on November 7th, which is the day that we started dating and our three year anniversary, and I honestly want to be in a comfortable position when it comes to the Truth once I say "I Do" to him! I mean, I think that I can handle being in the Truth after we're married. But right now is the hardest because this, for me, is the time where I'm counting down the months and days of our wedding and every possible negative thought is flowing through my head! I know that he is not committing 100% to the Truth, but he, I guess, is one of those witnesses who at least still goes every once in a while, you know? I can't even tell you the last time that he went to a meeting. And I, know that I wouldn't mind going every once in a while, for now, until I feel certain that this is what I want to do and see myself doing for a very long time. I also know that I probably don't want to go to church, anymore. Some things are weird in church, as well. When it came to my birthday, for example, my mother didn't really celebrate it. She gave me a card basically saying 'congratulations on becoming a year older', but nothing saying 'Happy Birthday', or for Christmas, she never has said' Merry Christmas!", but she still gave me a gift saying "though we don't celebrate, I still want to give you a gift around this time of year", you get what I'm saying? I'm just split because I don't think that I would mind becoming a 100% witness later on in life, but right now, I just can't committ to it, COMPLETELY.A meeting every once in a while is fine, though. And, my fiance` SAYS he wants to witness 100%, but like I said earlier, doesn't act upon his words. I know that we can make it through our relationship if we've gone 2 and a half years of this, without really arguing about it at all. It's just all so frustrating, though. But, I have also thought about how to raise our son. I think that deep in my heart, I will not mind raising him completely in the Truth. But, since I'm not completely there myself, yet, was not raised that way, negativity is holding me back. We have talked about the Memorial on April 4th, and he said that if he doesn't ever go back to another meeting, that he would at least go to the Memorial because he has never missed one, yet, and continued to say that if I'm not ready to go, he promises that he understands completely and he'll be waiting for me, "whenever I'm ready: which I truly appreciates because I read some of the posts here before and some people don't even get offered that when they're dating someone in the Truth. I know that the Truth is the right way to go, but right now, I just want to take it slow. Is this okay??? Someone please give me some reassurance because if you have not noticed yet, my head is about to explode!! Thanks for listening!
Very, Very Torn Relationship
by tmc18 18 Replies latest social relationships
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Maverick
Welcome! Now since you asked....
Wow! How wishy washy are you and your future husband? If you want to be a dud go! If not, live your life and don't look back. Get off the fence and act like adults. I know this sounds harsh but you need to wake up to the fact that you are not children anymore. You are adults and need to start acting like adults. Do you want to raise your child in this mind screwing religion? Has it served your family well up to this point? If the answer is NO when blaze your own path. You can't do much worse. I wish you the best, but based on what your telling us your clueless! And what kind of man would try to get you back when you tried to leave him several times? You have some hard choices to make darling. Maverick
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Yerusalyim
All I can say is WOW! Ok, do you actually BELIEVE everything this religion teaches...and are you prepared to have them in every aspect of your life?
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Winston Smith :>D
Hi,
I don't have time to read your post right now, but I will at a later time.
I just wanted to say hi and welcome to the board
Best,
Paul [Winston.]
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Flash
I know that the Truth is the right way to go, but right now, I just want to take it slow. Is this okay??? Someone please give me some reassurance because if you have not noticed yet, my head is about to explode!!
Take it as slow as you need to, don't rush yourself and don't be rushed by anyone else!
like I said earlier, doesn't act upon his words.
As for your marriage...remember there will be headship issues...is this the kind of man you want to have authority over you?? Headship misused can be a womans NIGHTMARE!
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jgnat
Sorry, but your story reads like you haven't done much deep thinking about your future, the future of your relationship, the future of your child, or what it means to be a Christian. You list all kinds of negative examples of JW life, yet you persistently call it the Truth. So what does the Truth mean to you - so many meetings a week, dress nice, and to everything that others tell you to do? That is shallow.
Before you make any more decisions that will affect the rest of your life, I suggest you keep a diary for a few months. Write in that diary all your hopes and dreams for yourself, your partner, and your child. Be specific. Then, after a few months of self-reflection, consider how various decisions will help or hinder you toward those dreams. Evaluate your decision to marry. Consider your choice in religion. Think about the kind of memories you want to build in to your child over the next twenty years. What would you like your family and friends to say about you as a person, after you are gone?
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bebu
I know that the Truth is the right way to go, but right now, I just want to take it slow. Is this okay??? Someone please give me some reassurance because if you have not noticed yet, my head is about to explode!! Thanks for listening!
Well, I'm not so sure that "the Truth(tm)" is the right way to go. And it seems that your subconcious is telling you that same thing--so no wonder you are feeling like you will explode... (Somehow, I also have a feeling that you are willing to overlook lots of things in order to get married...)
Jesus said that we need to count the cost before making a commitment. The Bible says that we need to be sure of all things; to test everything and hold on to that which is good. Before you plunge into something you are actually so uncertain about, double-check everything--especially anything you were told not to look at. (Of course, validating information is essential so that you don't believe gossip.)
To that end, may I suggest reading around on this board a bit? Also, you should peruse www.freeminds.org.
And, of course, WELCOME TO THE BOARD.
(Hang in there!)
bebu
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Winston Smith :>D
Wow!
Confused much? No kidding.
I think bebu made a good point:
Well, I'm not so sure that "the Truth(tm)" is the right way to go. And it seems that your subconcious is telling you that same thing--so no wonder you are feeling like you will explode... (Somehow, I also have a feeling that you are willing to overlook lots of things in order to get married...)
People are so busy looking for 'Truth' with a group of people, that they miss the important thing:
How will you find TRUTH when you don't know the TRUE YOU?
Truth isn't in a group of people, it's inside yourself.
With all of the misgivings you cite about JW's, plus your future husband's lack of activity as a JW, your subconscience is likely telling you what your conscience doesn't want to accept.
Listen to your heart. You don't have to be a card carrying member of any group to be a good person.
Good luck and enjoy your weeding,
Paul
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cruzanheart
Welcome to the board! I live in the Dallas, Texas area, and if you're in the vicinity, please PM me and maybe we can talk on the phone or in person. You've got a lot going on in your life! Having a baby is stressful enough without adding marriage and religion to the mix. jgnat gave you some VERY good advice -- you need to decide what you want YOUR life to be like, and your child's. Being a Jehovah's Witness is very difficult for a child -- I know, I was raised one and left when I was 46. Read around the forum a while and see what you think about "the Truth" -- I believed it heart and soul. Now I see it as just another religion with a lot of mind control and lies. Child abuse is a very real problem within that organization, and I would not take my children back to a Kingdom Hall because of their stand on the subject. Please consider that before you expose your child to potential abusers.
Best of luck and I look forward to getting to know you better!
Nina
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tmc18
Thank you for all of your comments. I guess that I am having this tug-o-war with what I want to do (being a jw or not) partially because I have not had a Role Model jw in my life. No one has seemed really committed to it, around me that it, and have been twisted or acted shady in some kind of way. Even my fiance's family is falling out of it. His older brother and sister are out as well. When I lived in Colorado, even a nice Elder left his wife for an eighteen year old girl IN the congregation. They just didn't give a crap anymore, I guess. The list goes on and on around me and I must always be a the wrong congregation at the wrong time, or somethin. Anyway, If he (my fiance`) stayed more committed to what he SAYS that he wants to do with our son and me, then I think that I wouldn't be having some of these chaotic problems, now. Thanks.