TO BE READ BY ANY-ONE,BUT ESPECIALLY DEDICATED TO THE GAY PEOPLE THAT KINDLY READ PART ONE IN GOOD FAITH;MANY THANXXX`S TO YOU ALL.
[If you haven`t read part one then basically it was me taking the piss-out of myself,being a world class homophobe.Well who else can you take the piss-out of in these day`s of Political correctness..apart from yourself...!?!] MANY thanxxx to every-one that replied to part one;sorry I didn`t answer you sooner,but I`ve been off-line for a couple of days with a Huge technical problem with my computer;(since writing about being stuck in a Gay`s paradise and my homophobic reactions,my computer keeps going down on me.....but we`re still good friends).I will answer all your posts back over on part one now, I wrote this while off-line.Okay lets start:-
Have you ever been stuck in an embarressing situation,CAUSED by Jehovah`s witnesses where you
really-REALLY felt for the person being embarressed..? Or you thought that maybe Hell really does exist, and that you`d died and was in everlasting torment[say for example]forced to sit in a tiny room where you had to watch an old black and white`B'movie starring Ronald Ragan for eternity.The following story is BASED on a true story,and happend to a young gay Guy who was stuck in a Hell on Earth situation caused by witnesses,which I witnessed first hand.We became good freinds after this event.He then got baptized and moved to Birmingham/England, and lost touch with me.He has a fantastic sense of humour so I know if he reads this will see the funny-side of it all now,and hopefully have good giggle.
It took place many-many years ago.My memory isn`t that good,but this is how I remember it.And because it was like time had stood still in endless torment,this story is endless also....
In the Summer of 1972 I was a teenager living in London,and attending the meetings at Chelsea Congregation.Back then,before Political Correctness, the witnesses were quiet-quiet differant!
One of the young pioneers brought one of his new bible-studies along to the Tuesday group.His name was Billy.He was in his early twenties and very OPENLY Gay [ which at that time was quiet unusal]; he spoak with a sort of lisp and was very camp.He looked very clean-cut,white Thai silk shirt,with the collar turned over his pink Cashmere pullover,and wet-look Gucci shoes;( Not yet wearing the required shirt/tie and suit;this being his very first meeting).
He looked the spitting image of Robert Powell the actor [ Film : The Thirty nine Steps-as Richard Hahnay] with his blue eyes and curley hair,but younger.There was about ten of us at the group,all crammed together in a tiny sitting room. Apart from us three,there was the Elder who was conducting the group and his wife.He had a HUGE nose,(every-time he turned his head, several people would duck out of it`s way..!He used double bed-sheets for handkerchiefs...)His wife sat there wearing her classic Lara Ashley out-fit[ flowery summer dress that matched the curtains,little white ankle-socks with frilly tops]sitting bolt upright as-if she`d sat on a broomstick,her face looking like a slapped arse.. Beside her sat Sister Desperate;She was about 35 and looked like Benny Hill`s sister or Danny DeVITO`s Momma ;she was wearing those glasses that look like they`re made from milk bottle bottoms.When she looked at you,her eyes were magnifed ten times their actual size,as-if she was looking through a Goldfish bowl.Apart from her over weigh hulk, the next thing you noticed was her spots and moustache,greasy hair and coffee stains down the front of her homemade knitted cardigan which covered her huge zits--[yes I did say zits].She always sat with her legs gapping wide apart,showing her industrial strength rubber suspender belt with huge metal buckles/chains/nuts and bolts/rivets etc..she wore ex-Army Russian Knickers with a bullet-proof armour-plated steel gusset.Her wrinkled 1940s surgical-stockings still to this day carry the Makers guarantee to cause male impotency.Her younger brother wasn`t a witness, he discovered he was Gay 25 years earlier, after seeing her in her underwear.... Next to her was her perants,a sweet little silver bearded old lady and her toothless/bald husband,who looked like some-one had sat on his head; during every meeting,he would put up his hand and ask " Has any-one seen my teeffff..?" [Whenever I sat behind him, I`d get a over-powering urge to slap his head repeatedly!]. Sitting across from us was Brother Le Braun Nez [In English: The Brown Nose]from France, who was over seven feet tall and so thin that, when he turned side-ways with his legs apart and put his tongue out,looked like a Zip!No no,when I say skinny I mean SERIOUSLY skinny..he had to run around the shower to get wet!!! he`d come out the shower Knackered.His height was mainly made-up by his elongated head[ Elder`s would often sit on his head by accident while he was brown noseing].He spoak to me every-time he cault sight of me; I`d be getting out of my car when he`d run up and say " I`M....((((I`M mmn)))) reaching out!!!" I would aways try to get him to say "HAPPINESS" during a meeting:( Please stop reading this post for a moment a say " happiness" with a French accent, ready: ap-pee-nus ).Apart from being a world-class brown-nose, he was also very arrogant,so I`d try to piss-him-off at every given oppertunity.Once I told him that God used Frenchmen as a plague against the Egyptians,and asked him to read Exodus 8:6 out loud... [?]
Lastly was Sister I`m Toogoodfor Anymale. She had been a pioneer for twenty-two years and still single,-VERY single[ like most girls wanting to find a husband,she full-time pioneered]she was a professional virgin from birth with a PhD on the subject.She was saving herself for "Brother Right".She had a list of requirements:- [1] He must be very handsome[2] VERY rich.[3]Be a member of the Governing body a District Overseer or at the very least a Circuit Overseer.[4]Own a huge Mansion with several square miles of land and a few dozen servants and Horses.[5]Be the envy of men and Donkeys every-where.... So the scene is set: The study book was dealing with The Family ( possibilly: "How To Have A Happy Family Life" or "The Truth That Leads To Eternal Life" I can`t remember for sure.Brother Le Braun Nez did the reading.Then the very first question was: "Why is it wise to avoid bad associations?--- Yes Sparks." `This system of things...[blah blah....Satan ruler....[blah blah blah]....rub off on us if we....[blah blah blah]..."
"Thankyou brother".His wife then put up her hand-[we all ducked] as he turned to her and said;"yes sister?"
" HOMOSEXUALS could corrupt us and our children if we was to associate with them. Abraham and his family got out of Sodom and Gomorrah because of the risk of being corrupted by them... [--stareing at Billy while talking].. there is no place for this TYPE in God`s clean organization!"
"Yes, and sister Desperate?"
"The right sort of woman can change ANY-man [smiles at Billy] with good association". [Her legs seemed to spread wider apart while she was talking....].
"Yes very good,and sister I`m Toogood?"
"I feel very uncomfortable living in London, as it`s the same as Sodom and Gormorrah, full of these Lesbians,they hang out in public toilets and are buying up all the corner book shops."
"Yes very true,and yes sister Desperates mother?"
" Lesbians....all yes I know, I KNOW ww,I saw it on the six O/clock News, they come over `ere at night hidden in the back of them truck things.Their very desperate to get into this country.Twelve of `em suffocated in the back of a container Truck the other day in the docks; [Toothless husband joins in]>>>... " in 1914 the Jerries dropped `em from Zeppelins over the trenches to frighten our brave Lads, it scared the Hell out of `em..! `ave you seen my teefff.....?"
"YES YES Thankyou, er.. Brother Le Braun Nez you had your hand up?"
"[oui merci proffesserrrrr] ;There are also le bad associations INSIDE le congregation and associating with us--[looks out corner of eye at Billy], and you could get drawn away from le theocratic lifestyle by le homosexual temptationsss! We should draw close to les Elder`s and copy their FINE examppulllll,they are a shelter from our homosexual desires.I think all these Gladiator films,men with their shirts off on building-sites,swimming pools and boxing matches should be banned,it`s open pornography.Only yesturday I counted 157 men in le park without shirts on to cover their muscular sun tanned/bronzed manly chests,voo nev verr cee ciss in Pa`rri !!!"
" Thankyou, could you read the next paragraph please brother..."
While Brown Nose was reading I looked over at poor Billy. He had a fixed expressionless face as he sat there stareing into outer space.....
......I wonder what he was thinking............? `