Hot Off the Press- WE ARE NOT ATTENDING THE MEMORIAL-FIRST TIME
by wednesday 33 Replies latest watchtower beliefs
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nojudgement
Wednesday,
Thanks for the encouragement. When I came home last night I turned on the Kingdom Melodies song number 74, and started weeping over the feelings that it stirred up. (It's the 1st song they always play at the memorial...."Jehovah our father in heaven, oh this is a most sacred night..") I felt like I wanted to let God know how much I appreciated his sacrifice and this was the only way I knew how.
Then I really started thinking...was I sorry that I didn't attend the memorial? Had I really wanted to be there? My answer, in truth, was no. I remember how out of place I felt last year, how everything coming out of the speaker's mouth seemed like babble and focused on why none of us were good enough to partake of the emblems when they passed in front of us. It was enough to cure me from not wanting to step foot in a Kingdom Hall for a least another year.
I decided my tears were more about my transition, almost like coming out of a long bad relationship. You can feel sad about it - even if you know that you don't want it back in your life.
I then read all of the Gospels that pertained to the passover and for the first time realized that the book of John is the only book that has several chapters that focus on what was said by Jesus after he passed the bread and wine. The other three (Matthew, Mark, Luke) move from the passover - to - someone will betray me - to - the them all departing to the garden of Gethsemene. It was very interested to realize that a lot of his most remembered verses all occurred on that night. In all my years growing up a JW, I never realized that. Probably because the memorial talks focus so much on scriptures that highlight "break the bread, drink this wine, keep doing this in remembrance of me" and why no one in the audience really qualifies.
I then said a special prayer of thanks. Guess what? I think that was the most meaningful memorial I ever had. I hope God thinks so too.
NJ
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aunthill
Dear wednesday, nonjudgement, god's vigilante,
Good for you! The first memorial I didn't attend was very difficult, too. I bought some red wine and some Matzo crackers (in the ethnic food section of my market) and my daughter and I celebrated.
At Matt. 28:20 Jesus says "teaching them to observe [Greek "tereo": to note (a prophecy; figuratively - to fulfil a command); hold fast, keep, serve, watch] ALL the things I commanded you. In this instance, since Jesus told them to observe ALL the things he commanded, to my way of thinking, he was saying that we should continue to keep doing all the things he commanded, INCLUDING partaking of the bread and wine. He didn't say do everything I commanded EXCEPT for taking the bread and wine, did he?
Aunthill
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xjw_b12
Hello Wednesday. I too was a tad surpised to hear you were having a bit of an anxiety attack. Glad to hear you and hubby got through that OK .
Regards david
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willyloman
As the sun was setting tonight and I was riding my bike on the beach ... Psychologically, it's the biggest step in my separation from my JW way of life ... I then read all of the Gospels that pertained to the passover ... I said a special prayer of thanks. ... I think that was the most meaningful memorial I ever had..
We missed the memorial for the first time in 30 years last night, opting for an experience similar to the one you describe here. We communed with nature, read some bible passages, reflected on our spiritual journey, and gave thanks for having our eyes opened. We were left strengthened with the conviction that we are absolutely on the right course and that God, the one described in the verses we read, must certainly approve of the changes we are making in our life: more loving, non-judgmental, seeking a spiritual connection with our fellow human beings. Ours, too, was "the most meaningful memorial' we ever observed. -
wednesday
yes xjwb12m both me and my hubby had a bit of an anxiety attack. But it is all ok, we had a small cermony and read some scripturesand we are fine with it.
Seems i was not alone, i believe we have 5-6 threads about the memorial already
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cyber-sista
I'm sorry it was an emotional time for you Wednesday. This was also the first memorial I did not attend since my 20 year duration in the Org. so I understand. There is no way I wanted to go not in a million years--never! but it is a transition point. I have been on the fade and considered "inactive" but everyone still expected me to be at the big "M". Now they will all know how seriously far gone away from it I am. It is a turning point because now people will know and there may be some further pressure from family or friends or elders who may be viewing us now as pond scum. But they will just have to think what they may, because if I am asked why or whatever i am just going to use my little broken record routine and say "You know it is really best if I don't talk about it right now" and will keep repeating this until they go away or get tired of asking. (This was recommended by an exiting therapist). anyway, I like it--it's easy and I am no longer stressed to come up with any tricky lines of defensive reasonings. Maybe someday when some time passes and I heal a bit more I will say something more, but for now..."you know it's really best if I don't talk about it right now"
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wednesday
What "got " us was that we both felt so anxious about going to the KH. U would not think a place of worship would evoke anxiety, but it did. Well it is over, and i'm sure there were so many there, no one even noticed we didn't show. Or we could have been at any number of other memorials around here. so for now, we are ok, unless they ask. Doubt they will.
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95stormfront
I have been missing ritual meetings for mostly 30 years and so far the sky has not fallen'-) Enjoy the evening. GaryB
ROFL
You are a riot.
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BluesBrother
I can understand how you feel. I guess that the Memorial is such a "Must Do" for anybody in the borg, that to miss it is a real admission to oneself that you have really broken away.
But that is good. To miss it in these circumstances show courage and a real determination to pursue a new life. Any way , we all know that "Memorial Saints" as we used to call them are looked upon as "Deluding themselves if they think that God is impressed by a once a year attendance"
It seems to me, if you remembered it, that you did not "Miss", you really celebrated in a heartfelt way that was lacking in all the years at the K Hall