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Purza

Greetings everyone. I am currently supposed to be working on my homework for a college course I am taking, but I seemed to be hooked on lurking. I have been lurking for about a week now. I made an appt. to see a counselor and I told the lady who answers the phone that I need help getting over my "guilt" about not being a JW anymore. They told me there were support groups for ex-JW's and I said NO WAY-- I am not ready for that. Three weeks later I decided to look and found this site.

I was born and raised a JW. DF'd at 19 and reinstated at 20. Divorced at 23 and scriptually divorced at 24 (what a joke). Tried SO hard to make it work for the past 10 years being single parent and all, but to no avail. I met the love of my life (non-JW) and he has helped me to see that I have been brainwashed all these years. It is not easy to understand the brainwashing, since the rules were so much a part of my life. But I am coming to the realization that I really was under their "control". Yes, I am not ready to preach against JW's -- don't know if I ever will be.

I wanted to walk away and get on with my life. But, my father doesn't speak to me and my brother turned me in to the elders. I ran away and hid. I moved about an hour away from where I was raised. I live in fear that I will run in to one of my old "friends" and they will "catch" me. Sometimes I feel like I am going insane because of this fear. I start counseling on Tuesday, and I hope I will be strong enough to prevail. I have read stuff that you guys write and I am finding that I am not alone.

Anyway, now that the fear of registering has passed and I am writing my first post, I feel okay. Just wanted to say thanks for listening and it really does help knowing I am not alone.

Dan-O

You can run, but you can't hide ... so why bother?

Walk straight & hold your head high. Live the best life you can, and don't look backwards. Tomorrow is in front of you, not behind you.

somebodylovesme

Welcome to the board, and thanks for sharing your story. There are a lot of great people who have been through everything, and I know (although I was never a Witness) that people have found a lot of strength in common experiences!

Best wishes to you as you start counseling. Take care. :)

SLM

kat2u

Welcome to the board!!!

Your story is so very familiar.Counseling did help me.Findind this support has been a wonderful help to me and I hope it is to you also.

asleif_dufansdottir

I am currently supposed to be working on my homework for a college course I am taking, but I seemed to be hooked on lurking.

Purza (welcome! by the way),

I don't have the time to adequately address the rest of your post now, but I had to laugh at what you said! I'm a grad student who is supposed to be writing a paper due Tuesday, and I keep avoiding it by popping over here every few minutes to see what's going on!! I do that every time I have something due!!

asleif_dufansdottir

I live in fear that I will run in to one of my old "friends" and they will "catch" me.

I guess I do have to comment on this...Your family already knows and at least dad isn't speaking to you...so what could 'they' do to you if 'they' catch you? It's not like you have been successful at 'fading out' and keeping your family ties like many here.

So people who have no control over you anymore will find out (as if they didn't already know) that they have no control over you. So what? Do you care that the Baptist preacher in the church down the road 'knows' that you're not a Baptist and don't attend his church? Are you scared of running into him or his church members? Why should the congregation or the elders have any influence on your life if you don't want them to?

What can they actually do to you anymore? You're 'out' with the love of your life, right? The worst that could happen (from what you've said) is that you have a relatively uncomfortable encounter with a JW or some elders in which you say, "Your opinion and your religion don't matter to me anymore."

In reality, I realize it's a bigger mental block than a simple so what, what I am trying to say is, try looking at it from that perspective...it takes a lot of conscious effort and some time (usually) to 'step outside your way of thinking,' so to speak, and see how much your fears, attitudes and reactions have been shaped by the WT to suit their ends...to make you intimidated by them. Just say "No!" (the one time I agree that philosophy works!)

Purza

it takes a lot of conscious effort and some time (usually) to 'step outside your way of thinking,' so to speak, and see how much your fears, attitudes and reactions have been shaped by the WT to suit their ends...to make you intimidated by them

Don't know how to put things in a quote box yet, but I do see your point. I understand it and I agree with it. Getting there is the difficult part. But realizing that I have been "brainwashed" is helping me to get over these things -- and makes me angry. I have been gone 2 years now and I am slowly (but surely) getting on with my life. The fear is becoming less and less, but unfortunately it is still there. Thanks for the encouragement.

Lady Lee

Welcome and here is a good place to start reading

http://www.jehovahs-witness.com/9/58215/1.ashx

bebu

Hello Purza, and Welcome to the Board!

Thanks for sharing your story. I'm sorry that you are struggling with all that baggage. I know that as time goes by you will be struggling less and less, though, until fear loses its grip on you.

Good to hear that you are in college, and also going to have counseling.

Looking forward to more of your posts,

bebu

Sassy

Welcome to the board Purza! I am glad you decided to stop just lurking and say HELLO! You are going to find a lot of support from here. People who will understand things that others can not.. Stay around.. get to know us and give us a chance to get to know you!!

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