A short statement on the long shift

Preston

As a sit writing this I will say that I am possibly going through one of the toughest times of my life right now. I have recently told the elders of my congregation that I have identified myself as "queer" and it has been one of the toughest roads I have ever had to walk. I am not trying to offend anyone on the boards by telling you this but I feel that it's important to live honestly and my decission to "come out" to people in the congregation is one based on trying to live honestly. I not trying to push any views on people it's just my desire to do the right thing. Straight people have no idea what it's like to live like this, especially in the congregation. I've had to put up with years of abuse from junior high to college and it has been truly painful trying to live this way. It is a life of loneliness, self-hatred, and self-loathing and In my quest to distance myself from the congregation I feel like they are trying to vilainize me. Today there was a sheparding call in which they asked me if I was having sex, and I was accused point blank of spreading apostasy. They also asked why I was condemning myself from my so-called "stand". Not to sound like a narcissist, but I consider myself the most functional person that I know, how they could accuse me of such things was wrong. I felt mentally violated from their questions and I told them point blank that they were entirely off-base. How they could continue to say they were "helping me" was ludicrous. They told me emphatically that it was important for me to get back to meetings and they wanted to meet with me again to prove me how wrong my "stand" is. I swear...If God exists and he backs these people then he's a cruel and wicked God and I'd like to kick him in the backside (sorry for the blasphemy).

larc

Preston,

You have been here for a month now, so I have to assume that you feel that you are not alone amongst people when you discuss your situation on this board. San Fran Jim has a group where you can visit and discuss your common life style. I think his group is called "Common Bond". At any rate, you are accepted here.

Francois

Preston I can't imagine what kind of courage and determination it takes to do what you did. Unfortunately, you told your stuff to a group of men who have no training, no insight, and no compassion. And there's a better than even chance that at least one of the people you came out to are pedophiles. The bunch that came to "adjust my thinking" consisted of two drunks and a thief.

Anyway, It's debateable what constitutes God's support and backing. I don't think He cares a whit about your sexual orientation. I think, for what it's worth, he's interested in whether you love him with a whole soul, and if you love your neighbor as yourself. If you've got that down, then I don't think you can expect to hear from him on anything else.

What do you want, by the way? To stay in and be accepted? To leave? What?

Best,
Francois

My $0.02

thinkers wife

Preston,
I for one admire your courage tremendously. Personally, I wouldn't care one whit about what the elders had to say to you. They don't have a clue what it is like to live in the real world, because they are world famous avoiders.
I lived with a man, who definitely has homosexual tendencies for almost seventeen years. It was a miserable marriage. He is now re-married (in the Borg, pity for her).
I wish he had had your courage and integrity to do what you did. But he didn't and I don't think he ever will. More pity for all the people around him that he makes miserable.
Just keep up your courage and resolve you are definitely on the right track, IMO.
TW

Cautious

Hi Preston,

When you said

but I consider myself the most functional person that I know

I couldn't help but compare you with the men who were "helping" you, and I would have to agree with you. A person who is being honest about themselves is certainly more functional than people who delude themselves and think that helping is the same thing as hounding, IMHO.

Like the others, I admire your courage.

Cautious

think41self

Dear Preston,

I am so sorry you are having such a hard time right now.

((((((((((((Preston))))))))))))))

The only thing I can add to what others have said is that...being true to yourself IS the most important thing...and you are courageous.

The self loathing and guilt the borg has made you feel about yourself is FALSE...IF there is a God...he made you just the way you are, and would love and accept you that way.

You will find people who will support you and love you for who you are, and I hope that begins for you right here!

think41self

Mulan

Preston........I admire your courage, and I just can't even imagine what you must be going through, since I am not gay. But I can imagine the courage it took to tell the elders. As Francoise said, they are not trained to deal with this, and will no doubt do everything they can to get rid of you. This is just not a subject they want to deal with. They will try to correct your "thinking". Funny isn't it?

I have a gay niece, who was just here with her friend to take her grandfather, who lives with us, to breakfast, for Father's Day. She is wonderful.........not a JW. (she was raised a JW, but never embraced it for herself) Her friend is also a great gal. They are part of our family, and I am not about to deprive myself of her association just because she is different, and our whole family feels that way too. Even my militant JW mother welcomes both of them to her home. Who can figure? I think she is more welcome than I am, actually.

I hope all of us on this board, can help you to feel like a valuable person. You are certainly welcome here.

Preston

I just wanted to take the time out to thank thinkers wife, larc, Francoise, Cautious, think41self, Maximus, and Mulan for you kind words and your support, You do not know how much I appreciate it at this time. I also wanted to say some additional words. In response to the question fo Francoise, It is not my desire to go back to the congregation and be accepted, it has only been my desire to leave peacefully and not force my position on anyone. I think it's all part of the free market of beliefs and understandings and there is beauty in diversity. The congregation's lack of sympathy toward people who are "queer" I think is a problem that goes up to the very top and if they don't want to address what it a greater realty then that is their decision and I will have no prt of it. Second, I know there are a lot of people on the boards who disapprove of gays and their lifestyle and it is not my desire in any way to get in any vicious debates or shouting matches. I think there is a way we can disagree without being disagreeable. That's not to say anyone has been critical of me ont he boards. So fsar everyone's been supportive, it's just that I do not want things to lead to anything upsetting. Besides, it has already been very difficult to realize the feelings I have myself, and criticisms like those the elders put on me are not going to help. Nevertheless, I would still like to talk with all of you, on all subjects. Anyway, thank you for helping me out. I really appreciate it. Thanx!

Roamingfeline

(((((((((((Preston)))))))))))) I truly admire your integrity and courage. You had the courage to stand for your convictions. These men are not trained to be compassionate. They are trained in guilt and control tactics. You can prevail, but you have to be firm and one step ahead of them when it comes to the crunch. Do you have relatives still in? Is that why you don't wish to DA? I have a friend who has just gone through the same thing as you have described. He just told them to leave him alone. He hasn't done anything Biblically wrong, and he hasn't been to a meeting since. I can put you in touch with him if you'd like to discuss your situation. Feel free to email me.

RCat

Preston

Hi roamingfeline, I wanted to thank you for responding to my post. In response to your questions, It was my decision to distance myself from the congregation and to make the transition as peaceful as possible. In other words, I wanted to leave on my own terms rather than having to go through a judiciary hearing and having a bunch of scary guys in matching suits telling me what I should and should not do. I do not want to disassociate myself primarily becuase I think it is easier for them to picture me as being removed from the congregation rather than treating me as a human being with hopes, fears, and feelings just like they do. Likewise, this is my battle, and I think being publicly villanized in front of the congregation would only drag my family into it unecessarily. Anyway...I would love to talk to you some more and see if you could impart any wisdom in order to help me out with what I'm dealing with right now. Or, if you don't want to that's fine too. Thank you for your response.

A short statement on the long shift

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