About very bad boys....

by Country Girl 12 Replies latest jw friends

• 

  Country Girl

  Hi Gang.

  I'm not new here by any means. Nor did I ever think that I would be writing about a dillemma. I have an adult son. He became adult a month ago. I kicked him out of the house about 18 months ago because he was selling dope and stealing things. I made sure that he had somewhere to go: to his Father's house. I have raised him since he was born. His Father has tried to take him away from me three times, and all three times he was given back to me. I was very hard on him, and I know that now. I was very strict, as I was raised, but I still tried to show him love, and to tell him that he was loved and valued.

  Anyway, he was arrested two weeks ago on six counts of burglary and one count of organized crime. When he was arrested he was very good with the officers, showing them the proper respect and authority. He confessed to *all* of the burglaries, even though he was only IN on four of them. He told me that while he was burglarizing another place, that his friends were burglarising another, including his own Grandfather. He was arrested. I found out because he called my best frined and asked HER to call his Father. He didn't have the balls to callme. When he finally called me, three days after he got out, he said "Hey Mom, what's goin on?" Man.. I lit on to him. I finally told him that I knew EVERYTHING! He was perplexed. Amazing how much age can make you see right through a bunch of bullshit.

  I love my son, odn't get me wrong. I just wondered WHY my son would burglarize his OWN Grandfather? He was really ashamed. He hasn't called any of this side of the family to apologize for burglarizing their patriarch! I can't understand what makes someone hurt a member of their own family. This is the man that has ALWAYS believed in him.. and then that happens.

  I have had some feedback that I should NOT talk to him or let him come here unless he apologizes to Dad. My JW brother says that I shoudl tell him that he CANNOT come to the house or call me unless he calls our Dad and explains and apologizes. Does thta seeem reasonable? I love my son..

  CG
• 

  SixofNine

  Does thta seeem reasonable?

  yep
• 

  Valis

  hey womenz...I've had experience w/family members acting like this. Keep them cut off til they can show that behavior is part of thier past. Trust me if it ever changes it takes a good long time. Don't be fooled and certainly don't let your love for him cloud the fact that he has taken to abusive behavior toward his own kin. A big no no in my book. Let him hang himself or redeem himself. Just don't be a facillitator for any of his bullshit. BTDT...

  Sincerely,

  District Overbeer
• 

  Sunnygal41

  CG, I could right a textbook on what will happen if you let a person who is dealing with drugs and the rest of the lifestyle that goes along with it will do to you if you let him back in. Don't do it under any circumstances. They will talk and promise you the moon, and then be right back at it before you turn your back. You need to be tough with him. Trust me. I wasn't with my last boyfriend and he has put me thru things I never thought I'd see........including attempted suicide.....his and a girlfriend of one of his druggie friends. She tried to slit her wrists in my bathroom. He tried to kill himself with pills. He's been in and out of rehabs the entire three years I've been with him. He's got a court date on the 27th and I will be glad to say good bye to him when they lock him up. Be strong like I wasn't. You cannot change your son. He will have to change first, and want to change for himself, no one else. Don't let him sucker you. And, the reason he robbed from his own grandfather was to get money for him and his druggie friends. A drug addict has no conscience. They will steal and lie and cheat and do whatever they have to do to get drugs and use them.

  Terri of the been there and had it done to her class.
• 

  Frannie Banannie

  ((((CG)))) I feel for yall, chere! My heart goes out to you, cause I know how heart-breakin' this can be when they behave so opposite of the way you've raised them. I hope you realize by now that the drugs themselves are the problem.....along with the ppl that he associates with that do drugs. Drugs alter a user's personality drastically and they'll do things that they ordinarily wouldn't even consider doing. So many ppl's lives have been ruined by drugs. Your son needs to get into a drug program and totally quit the shit and the ppl he was hanging with. Then maybe he can get a life and straighten up his "act". I hope he'll be amenable to a drug program for all your sakes.

  Frannie B
• 

  William Penwell

  You are not being unreasonable. That is what drugs will do to a person. Also be very careful because they can also be very manipulative, they know what you want to hear. Tough love sometimes is the only answer.

  Will
• 

  confusedjw

  Val said:

  :Keep them cut off til they can show that behavior is part of thier past.

  My knee jerk reaction is to reject this as it sounds so much like disfellowshipping. I'm going to ponder this for a while.
• 

  nowisee

  having had a sibling who died of a drug overdose, and having seen my family go through hell over it, having seen them in denial, and because of it enabling the abuser to continue, i am sorry but i must also weigh in on the side of tough love. it is the only hope. you are not dealing with your son, you are dealing with the drugs.

  my best wishes. be strong.

  nowisee
• 

  Insomniac

  Well, I can understand that your son should not go to his grandfather's home until he's addressed the situation, apologized, etc. But maybe this is a time when he should definitely be with his mom; maybe you can talk some sense into the boy. Ultimately, this is something that us childless folks can have all sorts of opinions on, but only a parent can really decide which action is most beneficial (for your son, and for everyone else). Best of luck; I hope your son will take this as a wake up call, and make the changes he needs to make. Hang in there, CG.
• 

  Shutterbug

  My knee jerk reaction is to reject this as it sounds so much like disfellowshipping. I'm going to ponder this for a while.

  This situation is entirely different than what an elder faces at the kingdom hall. There a person can be disfellowshipped for behavior which hurts no one else.

  Anyway, he was arrested two weeks ago on six counts of burglary and one count of organized crime. When he was arrested he was very good with the officers, showing them the proper respect and authority. He confessed to *all* of the burglaries, even though he was only IN on four of them. He told me that while he was burglarizing another place, that his friends were burglarising another, including his own Grandfather. He was arrested.

  Now, this type of behavior obvously does hurt someone else. Also too many addicted people seem to worry about only one thing, the next drug buy, and they will do almost anything to accomplish that goal. Also, there are seizeure laws on the books, which means CG could conceivably lose her home if illegal drugs were brought into her house. In short, she is taking the right course. Bug