Harsh reality of disfellowshipping

lovinlife

Hi everybody, it has been forever since I have been here! I have missed you. I had some harsh reality of disfellowshipping thrown in my face yesterday that made me realize how much I have missed being here with all you lovely people. My parents are rather militant about shunning me. I am not allowed in their house, they will not be in the same location with me for any reason (i.e. "worldly" family reunion, etc.), and they will not initiate any conversation with me whatsoever. Okay, now that you have the background, this is what happened: I had occasion to have to call my parents a few days ago (long story, won't bore you with details), and found that my mother was not home, she was in Florida due to my sister in law's extreme illness. She went down to help my brother with the kids etc. My father very haltingly told me this, but it was obvious that he was completely uncomfortable talking to me. I discussed my business with him briefly, and that being concluded, ended the call. Well, in the course of following up on the business started, I called the house again and only my Grandmother was home. She told me that my father had flown to Florida and that the situation was very serious and that my sister in law was dying! I asked her for more details and found that sis in law has been suffering for a long time with an unknown illness, docs can't figure out what is wrong, but she has been in constant pain for a long time and has been on morphine etc. She is now down to 76lbs and is filling up with fluid and the docs can't stop it and are basically just making her more comfortable until....whatever.

Okay, so I am now confronted with the really harsh reality that even if a family situation is dire and someone is about to die, I will not be notified. I only found out because I had the freak occurrance to have to call. I was very close to my sis in law and I wonder if they would have even bothered to have called me if she died (or does die, for that matter)! I just hurt so bad for my brother, who will be left alone with 2 children under 5 yrs old if she dies. I am just so amazed at my family's inhumane behavior that I just keep staying on the verge of tears. And I hurt for her since she is one of the nicest people I have ever known, such a kind hearted person even while being fooled by the JWs. With all this, I am reminded of how judged I am and how I am not worthy of being included in any family situation -- in their opinion! So I felt compelled to come back and visit you all where I know that I am never going to be judged and where I know people understand. Thank you all for reading my painful story. Just knowing that you all know how all this feels is a comfort in itself. Thanks again.

simplesally

I would be thoroughly disgusted and frankly, I would call their elders and tell them of this treatment. They are going beyond what the WT has written (lets not talk about what the bible has to say). They are treating you inhumanely and their elders should bring down the self righteousness a notch or three.

findingme

Dear Lovin,

Reading your post effected me; it feel angry inside for what you are going through. I brought me back to my JW days when I, too, possessed a limited mind. To think I used to leave my disassociated sister out of the family loop.....still makes me want to kick myself.

I guess I am fortunate now. My family left the organization the same time I was disfellowshipped. I almost wonder if they used my situation as an excuse to disassociate themselves. We are much closer family now.

I'm so sorry, Lovin. You deserve much better treatment.

seeitallclearlynow

Lovinlife, hi again - so glad you came back to us at this time.

You're so right that this kind of thing is well hidden not only from the public but also from Jehovah's Witnesses and their Bible Studies - UNTIL IT HAPPENS TO YOU.

So it's very important and helpful when we post these true experiences for others to see what the Watchtower Organization is at its core, and why involvement with it is to be avoided.

Wonderful post, but I am truly sorry for the horrible, but typical, way that you are being treated by Jehovah's Witnesses!!

roybatty

I am just so amazed at my family's inhumane behavior that I just keep staying on the verge of tears.

I keep thinking to myself that I've seen it all (with JWs & Df'ing) but I'm still amazed and shocked every time I read one of these accounts. Unbelieveable. I hope by some miracle things workout for you sister-in-law but also that your family lightens up on you. I'm just not sure which would be more a bigger miracle! One would think that faced with such a crisis, the human thing to do would be for parents to make amends with their kids instead of driving them even further away.

galaxy7

I am very sorry you are going through this.The most unloving, unchristian way you are being treated.

The hold the society has is very strong and there is really no understanding of it.Remember there are people here who really care

what you are going through. Im sorry about your sister in law. When the time comes hold your head up proudly and attend the funeral.

I know how hard it is but dont give them the satisfaction of getting you down

take care lovinlife

Corvin

I was df'd the first time at the tender age of 17. It devastated me emotionally, although intellectually, I understood the reasons for it. Be that as it may, it was a bitter pill to swallow. I got back "on course" and was reinstated. I had been baptized for the wrong reasons, I was df'd justly, but returned for the wrong reasons. I did not return because serving Jehovah was my ultimate aim, but I worked toward reinstatement to feel the love and security of those whom I had formed relationships with.

That is the thing. The price you pay for having and maintaining friends and family who are JW's is to remain in good standing in a religious cult. It is insanity. You are catching a glimpse of your own thinking ability and sanity when you consider leaving. You are letting go of the rope and plummeting into the unknown and into tumbledown for a while when you decide to leave or are made to leave. It is scarey, the unknown, for there is nobody and nothing but you and your reflection in the mirror . . . and complete honesty . . . if you have the courage to embrace it.

Growth is the watching and embracing of the storms we call change. Growth cannot occur without change, and change is often and usually painful in some measure. What grows out of leaving the org and being cut off from all those you love, who love you only conditionally? You find yourself and your brain. You grow to really love yourself and you grow to start trusting yourself and your decisions. You get to choose who you would like to form relationships with and draw close to. You suddenly have the freedom, if you choose to use it, to NOT JUDGE those who disagree with you, and that in itself is the basis of many wonderful and empowering relationships with other people.

You get to read, discover, question, search, experiment, teach, learn, share, be open, be better than you ever were before. You can decide for yourself whether or not there is a God. You can determine whether or not you will serve him to best of your ability and understanding of him. My relatives and old friends still in the organization don't know what they are missing since they are shunning me. Too bad for them. The death of my mother did bring our family together, those in good standing and those who are df'd. It did not last long and the greatest amount of damage was done, not by the df'd ones, but by those who were supposed to be Christians.

I just hurt so bad for my brother, who will be left alone with 2 children under 5 yrs old if she dies.

Let him know, even against the view of the WT, that you love him and those kids. Let him know that you will be there if he needs help, real help in dealing with his loss and the bringing up of those precious children. Let him know that your love goes far beyond the manmade rules and policies of the WTBTS. Let him know that nothing else matters to you. Even if he rejects your offer, he will never forget your expression of love. It will give him something to compare if he is ever in a situation like yours.

Our thoughts and prayers are with you. You will get through this.

bebu

(((((Lovin)))))

There's no excuse for that kind of cruel behavior. I'm really sorry for the way they are treating you, esp. if they know that you were so close to your sis-in-law. I hope that one day they'll wake up and beg your forgiveness for being so blind to what they are doing.

Contacting the elders to complain is a good idea imo in the meantime. Blast away!

bebu

Dan-O

that sort of crappy treatment just blows me away. I feel bad for you, and for your family.

lovinlife

Thank you all for your thoughts. I appreciate the comment to tell the elders, but when my exhusband was beating me (an elder at the time) they did not do anything to him or anything to help. So, I don't really think that they will have anything to say to my Dad, the presiding overseer of the cong they attend (at least he was last time I heard!) But blasting away at them is always a pleasant thought!!!

I am planning on writing my brother a note, since I am not in Florida, expressing my unconditional love for him etc. I refuse to lower myself their level by ignoring his pain. I want to show him as much love as I can. Maybe he will see a difference in the way I am being treated, but I doubt it. I am so glad I am away from these people. You all probably understand this, but sometimes I really miss the idea of having my family around, but I don't really miss them personally at all!

Thank you all so much for your caring.

Harsh reality of disfellowshipping

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